under my son's bed A Senryu

you never know what you might find under your son's bed . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Publication credit: Prune Juice 2010

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, exactly...hope he hands in the homework and not the centerfold.

[Joyce S. Greene]

Who knows, Jacob? lol But my days of worrying about that kind of thing are long good. I always enjoy your comments. They are to the point and often humorous. Thanks for the smile.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I thought that's where all the unmatched socks went!

I'm liking this form a lot...is there a syllable count to follow? ...very impressive, Joyce!

[Joyce S. Greene]

Yes, socks, and more, Kelly. What a nice comment you've left me. The traditional form of senryu was always 17 in the 5-7-5 form but nowadays you're much more likely to read senryu of 13 syllables in the 3-5-3 form. Japanese sound bites are much shorter than American syllables and poets are trying to imitate the Japanese form more closely.

[Kelly Scheppers]

So, it's the same as Haiku, 5-7-5, right?

[Joyce S. Greene]

No, it's free verse and generally less than 5-7-5 these days, Kelly. But some still adhere to the traditional count. Whatever floats your boat - it's poetry so it's all up to you. Just don't go too far over the traditional count - that is generally frowned on. Good luck.

[ba_mcfarlane]

Boy, did this take me back...which was the point, no? Great write to conjure up simple memories of times long ago. Great job!

[Joyce S. Greene]

Thanks, Brian. Oh, yes, those days of cleaning my son's room are long over but I still remember them fondly. How I wish he were still young enough where I could worry about what I'd find under his bed. Thanks so much for the nice words, you always get my points.

[ba_mcfarlane]

No pizza boxes?

[Joyce S. Greene]

I don't remember any of those, Brian. Just some dirty plates, but maybe my memory is failing me a bit. As you age you tend to gloss over the past, just a bit. :)

[Miss Marlette]

It made me smile. A very cute and clever senryu with a great message. Loved it.

[Joyce S. Greene]

Thank you for such a nice comment. I really appreciate hearing from you. Hope all is well.

[Miss Marlette]

You are welcome and reading the senryu was a pleasure. All is well, thank you so much. Have a great day and do keep in touch.

Preity

[Joyce S. Greene]

I was going to read another of your poems and found you've only posted one. Hope more will be forthcoming soon.

[Miss Marlette]

Thanks a lot for the encouraging message. It will do wonders in motivating me to take up the pen again soon. Take care.

[Joyce S. Greene]

You are very good so you should push yourself to write. I have to follow my own advice since my muse has been sleeping for a while. Very hard to gey him going. lol

[Miss Marlette]

Uh. I guess I lost track again

[Frieda P]

HA so typical, I have three of those characters! Very cute & telling Joyce....

[Joyce S. Greene]

Thanks, Frieda. Yes, a boy will be a boy. I appreciate your leaving behind such a nice review of my work. You must be very busy with three of them. I can't imagine.

[Frieda P]

They're grown now, well in size, you know boys never grow up. ha, big kids, big problems as they say....my pleasure Joyce.

[Joyce S. Greene]

Mine, too, Frieda. Now they have man sized problems!

[Frieda P]

Yep, mama said there'd be days like these...................

[SyberRose]

Haa...so funny...i guess that means he's normal whatever normal is these days haa

[Joyce S. Greene]

Yes, he's very normal. Thanks for leaving behind such a nice comment, Rose. I'll call you that because I don't yet know your name.

[SyberRose]

Rose is fine dear...:)

[ShelleyA]

Hi Joyce. You paint a vivid picture in this skillfully crafted Senryu. Excellent use of brevity. Perfect syllabic form of 17 syllables or less. Good depth of feeling. Very nice aha moment in line three. Good word choice. Well penned and an enjoyable read. Write on!

[Joyce S. Greene]

Thanks, Shelley. I do so appreciate your comments. They are true gifts to me. You have a true talent for poetic analysis along with being a talented poet.

[ShelleyA]

You're welcome Joyce. I appreciate your kind words and compliment. Always a pleasure to read your poetry. Have a great day!

[Tom]

The lads growing up Mom !

[Joyce S. Greene]

Yes, and now that he's an adult I still worry about him. It never ends. Thanks for leaving your thoughts behind. I really appreciate it.

[Tom]

They're always your kids even when they're Big kids !