Raising The Bar

Their eyes meet, the man swoops in to make his move.

(A woman is alone with a drink in hand.  Music is playing vaguely in the background.  Just to set the ambiance of a bar.  She swirls the drink about some as Man walks in.  He is an overly muscular man and is extraordinarily attractive.  Think of the guy on the cover of those cheap romantic stories in every bookstore that almost always end with the heroine getting "boned."  He sees her at once and wants her.  Of course!  She is a stunning discovery herself.  He preps himself, making sure there is no stench lingering on him, and he makes his way over to her.)

Man:  Hey there.

Woman:  Oh, hey.

Man:  Slow night, isn't it?

Woman:  I guess.   I don't come here often.

Man:  Oh really?  Did you come alone?

Woman:  Nah.  I came with my husband.  Hugh.

Man:  Is that right?  I'm sure he's quite the man to have you as his wife.

Woman:  Of course.  Think Channing Tatum meets Tom Hardy.

Man:  If only a man like that existed.  I might try to steal him from you.

Woman:  Of course he exists.  I'm married to him.

Man:  I think we both know better than that.

Woman:  Is that so?

Man:  Is he real?

Woman:  He may be, he may not be.

Man:  What will it take for me to find out if he is or not?

Woman:  A slip of the tongue.  Or maybe Hugh will come over here and carry me away.  Who knows?  Regardless, I doubt he would like it if he returned to see a stranger flirting with me.

Man:  You think I'm flirting with you?

Woman:  Not well.

Man:  That's a dagger to the heart.

Woman:  Flirting has never really worked for me anyways.

Man:  How about subliminal messaging?

Woman:  Subliminal messaging?

Man:  Oh yes.  I'll just let a few words penetrate their way into the conversation.

Woman:  Wow.  Okay.  I see.  Very mature.

Man:  You don't have to be a dick about it.

Woman:  A child could do better.

Man:  I guess you make a phallic point.

Woman:  I bet your proud about that one.

Man:  I'm a little more erect saying it.  Cum on though.  This has to wet your appetite some.

Woman:  Oh yes, of course.  I just want to tear off your clothes right now and have you carry me away.  Has this ever worked before?

Man:  Of course!  I use this on the hard to get ones.  Like yourself.  It gets in their heads, you know.  Makes me look irresistible.

Woman:  And here I am thinking you always see yourself as irresistible.

Man:  Honey, I'm confident.  Not an egotistical muscle head.

Woman:  A five syllable word.  I'm impressed.

Man:  Could I at least get your name?

Woman:  I don't know.  Could you?

Man:  Alright now, smart elleck.

Woman:  Gertrude.

Man:  Gertrude?

Woman:  Yup.  That's my name.

Man:  I doubt that.

Woman:  You are a very suspicious man.  First you think I'm lying about Hugh and now my name.  I'm hurt.

Man:  I'm sure you are.

Woman:  Okay, fine.  Do you want to know the truth?

Man:  So you did lie to me!  I'm so surprised!

Woman:  Oh shut up!  I wont tell you then.

Man:  I was kidding.  What's the truth, then?

Woman:  I am a lesbian.

Man:  And I'm dating Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Woman:  I'm being totally serious!

Man:  I'm sure you are.

Woman:  Hugh, come over here! 

(She waves for a moment.  A very butch looking woman comes onto the stage.  Her hair is cut short.  She makes her way over to Woman and wraps an arm around her.  They exchange a quick kiss.  Hugh notices the man and nods his way.)

Hugh:  Sup.

Woman:  I think I'm ready to head back home.

Hugh:  'Kay.

Woman:  Bye, guy.  It was nice chatting with you.  Don't try too hard.

(The two hold hands as they start walking off stage.  Man stammers some as he watches them in total shock.  Right before they make it off stage he calls out.)

Man:  Bye... Gertrude.

(He quickly chugs down his drink and rushes offstage)

Author's Note

What do you think of dialogue? Characterization?

Reviews

[Edis Radoncic]

I like this stage play. The dialogue is good and the beginning sounds wacky and entertaining. If I can suggest one thing. I am not an expert but it is my opinion and I can be wrong but I think in the end when the butch woman comes in at the end you can put some more stage direction. or Hugh has alittle more dialogue with the man and the woman with more fuller conversation. Because every character in a play needs to serve his/her purpose in the act or scenes. And the butch woman can be more a 3d character like the other two and not so static. And the man and woman can have names. or you can do that in the next acts and scenes etc. you seem you know what you are doing I don't think you need our opinions haha. its just a thought. It is still great work!

[John Elridge Medlin]

Those are great thoughts. Has me thinking about ways to edit it and make it better. I'll probable keep Woman unnamed for the sake of the reveal in the end. Or to leave that element of "is she telling the truth" there. The butch could be worked on some. I threw that in as I wrote it for fun. Thanks for the points. They're being taken into account.

[FaeryQueen]

i love this work! thanks for sharing! great job!

[John Elridge Medlin]

Thanks for reviewing! Im glad you enjoyed reading it.