Elevator Hank

Flash Fiction

Mr. Barrister picked up his briefcase and walked to his penthouse elevator door. He turned the door's security key to, "Access," and pressed the button to call the elevator.

When the door opened a very male sounding voice is heard, "Good morning, Mr. Barrister. Which floor please?"

Before stepping into the elevator compartment, Mr. Barrister stated, "You're Not Siri!"

The voice from the elevator replied, "You are right, Mr. Barrister, I am Hank. Elevator Siri is down due to a glitch in her programming, she should be up and running very soon. Until then, Hank is at your service."

Mr. Barrister stepped into the elevator and stated very gruffly, "Well, Hank, take me to the parking garage, level minus one."

The doors closed and the feeling of a temporary weight reduction occurred. Then Hank stated, "29th floor, --- 28th floor, --- 27th floor, --- 26th floor. ..."

Mr. Barrister asked, "Hank. Do you have to do that?"

"Do what, Sir?" was the response from Hank.

"Read off the number to every floor as we come to them," Mr. Barrister said.

Hank replied, "I am not stating the number as we come to that floor, I am stating the number as we pass the floor, Sir.

22nd floor.

Would you like Hank to discontinue the counting?

20th floor."

Mr. Barrister blurted out the words, "Yes, stop that blasted counting!"

"Are you talking to me, Sir? You did not say Hank before speaking.

19th floor."

"Hank, --- Yes I was talking to you! Who the hell else would I be talking to? After all, there is no-one else in this elevator!"

Hank stated, "18th floor. Actually, Sir, I am not in the elevator. ..."

Mr. Barrister became red in the face and screamed. "I know that Hank, I was speaking metaphorically!

All the sudden the elevator stopped, then started rising.

Hank resumed counting, "19th floor, --- 20th floor.”

Mr. Barrister asked, "Hank, what happened to the 18th floor, and why are we going up?"

Hank replied, "Someone on the 24th floor has pressed the ride button. I am programmed to service floors closest to the floor the elevator is at.

It would be a waste of power and time for the elevator to go to the garage, level minus-one, and then back to the 24th floor. So elevator Hank switched direction and will pick up those on the 24th floor before continuing downward. I hope this is not too much of an inconvenience."

Mr. Barrister began cursing under his breath and mumbling to himself. Then he asked, "Hank, can I override your program? I need to get to a business meeting and I'm already running late."

"Yes, just use your smart devise to access building maintenance. Tell them your situation and ask for the over-ride code. Then you can enter the code on the wall keypad, located just below the floor designation buttons. After that, just enter the floor you wish to go to."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened to find an old woman yelling at her nurse. "I want to go to the beauty salon; I need my hair done!" the old woman stated loudly.

"You are not going anywhere without underwear. And it is not proper for you to be out in public wearing only a nightgown. So, let's get you dressed properly," the nurse comely replied. Then she turned the wheelchair around and wheeled the woman down the hallway and into her apartment.

"Well, that was a big waste of time!" Mr. Barrister said as he tried to access building maintenance on his smart device.

"23rd floor," Hank stated.

"Hank, my phone says, "Blocked access." What gives?" Mr. Barrister asked.

Hank replied, "I'm afraid that there is no reception inside the elevators while Siri is being serviced, Wi-Fi transmissions interfere with the process. If you wish to use your smart device then you will have to exit the elevator."

"Well, great," Mr. Barrister said before demanding that Hank stop the elevator.

"Stopping at the 20th floor," Hank stated as the doors to the elevator opened.

When Mr. Barrister stepped out into the hallway, the access doors closed, and the elevator started going down.

"What the hell?" Mr. Barrister said as he frantically pressed the elevator button.

But it was too late; the elevator had already stopped at the very next level.

"Hank must be loading someone on the 19th floor," Mr. Barrister said, "as long as I keep pressing the down button then he'll have to stop here next."

Well, Hank didn't come back to the 20th floor because Hank isn't a computer. Hank is one of the building maintenance people and he likes to play little jokes on the occasional tenant that talks down to him or treat him like he was their personnel servant.

It seems that Mr. Barrister has been complaining about nonsensical things that could be easily handled with a little squirt of oil or a wipe of a rag. Or not putting paper towels in the toilets or meat bones in the garbage disposal might help cut down on service calls, as well.

If Mr. Barrister had talked to, or asked Hank his name during the twenty-two times Hank has been to his penthouse apartment, just this year, then he would have recognized Hank's voice and name when the elevator doors opened.

But all Mr. Barrister says is, "Hay You,” or, “Well it's about time you got here, fix this, fix that, aren't you done yet,” etc...

So, I'm afraid Mr. Barrister isn't going to see that parking garage until Siri takes control of the elevator again, which will be when Hank goes on his coffee break or gets a real maintenance problem call.

But I'm afraid it is Tuesday, and Tuesday is always a slow day in this building's maintenance department.

JE Falcon

09-05-2019

OK 2023

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

J.E.,

This a very witty and cleverly constructed little tale that does detail Human Nature quite well ...

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[JE Falcon]

Thank you for the review & for reading. I try to weave a little humor in whenever possible.