Running from Safety

Fighting to breathe again.

The chilled wind stung against my face as I stepped into the nights air, with hands burrowed into my coat pockets, I trudged through the open wash, fallen leaves and twigs collapse beneath my steps and the air billowed from my frozen lips, my pace increased struggling to keep myself warm. Heart Thumping.

 

Left. Right. Left. Right. I became acutely aware of my surroundings, every noise echoing in my mind. My heart thumps against my ribcage and the howling coyotes in the distances cause shivers in my spine. The bushes rustle with the movement of the rabbits darting between, making way.

 

I felt as if I had walked for miles, lost inside of my own mind, questions swarming. Why? What was I doing? Where was I going? Why could I feel your body next to me when you were not there? They haunted the minutes as they passed. Possessed.

 

I paused in a familiar clearing, the moonlight illuminating the area, shadows dancing in the wind, tricking my mind.  Flashbacks of our first time together, your hands on the small of my back, the warmth of your lips trailing my neck. Our murmured voices and lustful cries stung me, reliving the moments, the pleasure, and my body trembling beneath your touch. You always made me crumble beneath you, gasping, reaching, wanting more.  Why had my mind had brought me here, the rush of life flooded my senses, adrenalin pumping. My fingers, still buried within my pockets, grazed the small silver edges of you, what had become our life. My fingers tingle when met with the cold air. I had memorized each curve, sparkling in the moonlight, slipped it over my finger for one last glimpse, the shiny life of you.

 

I had come to do this alone, no one could hear me crying because I'd spent so many countless nights going over the raw edges, every fight, every kiss, every tear, every moment spent with you. I have to let go.

 

I suck in air, filling my lungs as the toe of my shoe digs into the damp ground; the smell of dirt lingers in the air. Haphazardly making the hole in the earth, like much of our time was spent in chance, a chaotic bliss.  I watch emotionless as my life trickles down past my fingers, clinking against a rock as it falls to its grave. Exhale.

 

I kick the loose dirt over the treasure, pressing down to make sure it stays there. And in my bitterness I note my first time with you has become my last. The bittersweet irony pours its salty batter down my face.

 

And then I am moving again, my legs carrying me faster this time. I'm running, from you. I’m running from me. Escaping into the morning light.

 

I'm free.

 

 

Author's Note

perhaps the beginning to a story?

Reviews

[Hello, Goodbye]

I love the spirit behind this. The emotion is very enjoyable in its freedom.