Come Sister

Come Sister, Come take my hand
We'll run through the meadows
Like we did when we were children,
Chasing butterflies and clouds and the wind

Come Sister, Come put flowers in my hair
And I will put them in yours
While we whisper in each other's ear
Our secrets and wishes and dreams

Come Sister, Come race me to the river
We will make mud pies along the shore
Wading along the cool shallow water
Studying pebbles and minnows and tadpoles

Come Sister, Come now, the sun is getting low
The light is fleeting and night is almost here
I long to have a glimpse of our childhood
To have that innocence again, before I go

Author's Note

Been mulling this around for awhile...

Reviews

[Ralphy]

Jc, this is a sweet piece. I have two neighborhood girls that like to play in the canals of my property, chasing frogs, pebbles and minnows and tadpoles . I drift back to those days of innocence that have slipped away, while your words embrace the reality of the past. This piece captures a vessel that easily transports one back to those golden days�Nice piece.

[Tate Morgan]

Beautiful I would like you to read my poem songs of youth they are similar
tate

[Gordon]

What I love about poetry is how everyone sees it differently. It becomes personal. I was trapped by this seemingly simple, nostalgic poem and I liked it. I think it's even a twist that you should consider inserting. Let me explain...

When I started reading this I somehow missed the second line, "Like we did when we were children," a pretty important line, but without that line there it trapped me into thinking this wasn't a nostalgic moment but rather the moment occuring in the present. So you have the older sister presumably speaking to her younger sister wanting to do all these fun things.

But when I hit the last stanza a brilliant transition took place and my mind had to apply the brakes. Remember, i missed the second line and think this all happening real time. When I got to "before I go" I did a quick rewind of the last stanza and look at how chilling the last stanza is now;

Come Sister, Come now, the sun is getting low (big sister's life is fading)
The light is fleeting and night is almost here (She's on her deathbed)
I long to have a glimpse of our childhood (Do all the things above with me one more time... as i pass)
To have that innocence again, before I go (WoW!)

If my comments don't make any sense I apologize, i've been up for 20 hours. But consider filling the second line with something other than what you have, not hinting that this is nostalgia, then hand the poem to somebody who hasn't read it and see what they think. It's great the way you have it but it's eerie/great to ambush the reader. I LOVED IT!

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

Thats wonderful Poem , wow, make me want to be there again ... Yossi

[AutumnStorm]

Such an acute sense of joy within this poem tinged as it is (with an element of sadness). Of end approaching sheltered, cushioned by warm memories. To look upon a sister's face and have that face bring back one's childhood...The very idea is infinitely lovely.

[Trée]

I live 600 miles from my family and see my sister only a few times a year at best. Your poem is both beautiful and sad for me; beautiful in execution and sentiment, sad in the mirror of my own reality, the wish to touch what you so gracefully express in meter.

The other day I was going to Lowes and as I was walking across the parking lot, a band of three small children, in tow behind their father, stopped to study a pile of small rocks as if they had discovered gold. I smiled at the pure innocent wonder, a gift they had reflecting one I had lost. Your poem, the desire to see those pebbles and minnows and tadpoles reminds me of that wide-eyed wonder. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reminding me.

[Eagle Cruagh]

This must have been along the Red River ?
All thoughts of childhood bring mixed feelings of sadness
and fun.
You have just brought my childhood on 'Thunder Butte Creek
sharply in to focus, so it goes without saying --- you write very
well, excellent in fact.

Thank you for a whiff of nostalgia,

---- Eagle Cruagh

[Jet Lag]

i never had a sister; that must be a wonderful bond.
your poem calmed me down. the images are cooling and soothing.
the emotions are strong.

the final stanza almost reads as if the narrator could be dying, or perhaps simply moving, or maybe just contemplative. i like that the reader can choose an intent. well done!

[Wildfleour]

I like your writing style (and reading list....smile).

[Mark Pearce]

Somehow I see this as an epitaph for an aging pair of siblings...knowing that they can't recreate the physicality of those moments, but wanting to "go there" just the same.

Parsimoniously told.

Well told.



Mark Pearce

[Ray Hamilton]

I have a sister but I never wanted to run in the meadows with her LOL
I enjoyed fishing with my brother though
I enjoyed this write brought back some childhood memories of mine
Thanks Ray { Not a Poet }