Oblivious

A bought of depression in one of the worst cases.

How did my life ever get this out of control? Before everything happened I was making good marks in school and had a good part time job but now nothing. My grades are for s**t, I got laid off for some stupid assed reason, and my parents are on my back more now than ever. My brother, who had a way out of getting in trouble no matter what he does, is even more in their grace now. They even went as far as to tell me I should try and be more like him. Haha if only they knew what he did behind their backs. But God forbid I try and fill them in, because it always backfires in my face. Sometimes I really wish I was an only child. My teachers are on my case as well saying that I am wasting my potential by wanting to do art. Saying I should concentrate on writing because “you have such writing potential.” But I don’t want to be a writer. It’s not really a challenge for me, but art there are so many things I could do with that there are so many types ranging in difficulty. I would never be bored. Do you think anyone ever told Picasso that he shouldn’t paint because he had such potential in another area? Well even if they had look where sticking to what he loved got him. In every art museum and book around the world and don’t think I’m saying I’m as good as him but it’s just the point. Then there is my so called friends. They are so fake only happy when we do what they want….God forbid I choose what we do once in a while. I have my own interests and preferences. Can’t they accept that the way they expect me to accept what they like even though I swear I’m bored out of my mind recently when we hang out. Which they have finally picked up on and are now keeping there distance. But I made a new friend, isn’t that right? I’m looking at him right now. silver and sharp. I love the way he drags so smoothly over my arm the slight sting he leaves before the crimson blanket of liquid starts to flow. Now don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not suicidal or anything like that. I just like the rush of feeling the blade across my arm and the velvety paths of blood that dribbles down my arms afterward. I know how deep to go so don’t worry although as of recently I have been trying to test the waters a bit see how deep I can really go before needing medical attention. So lets experiment. Boy my teachers were wrong I’m not bad at science see if I were to place the blasé at a 90 degree angel and press down with twice the pressure I normally do. That’s geometry though danm guess they were right after all. S**T! I think I may have gone too deep I’m really gushing now, but that’s also what I though the first time. It will stop soon……whoa I’m getting a bit dizzy. Maybe I should lay down for a minute. Awww now this is nice so peaceful and quiet. Wow it’s getting dark fast. Maybe I should turn on a light oh never mind there’s one. Man that’s bright.

 

Light, light

Light so bright

Guiding me into heaven tonight.

 

Author's Note

This is dramatized and altered feelings from my experiences of depression
FYI - I never cut myself or anything along those lines, my outlet has always been writing.