Forbidden In Sin

Another Contest piece

 

 

A tender kiss

A forbidden touch

Together in Paris

An undying lust

 

Slipping and sighing

Grinding and moaning

Together as one

Forbidden

 

A woman of the cloth

A nun

Slip off the habit

Stand naked in the sun

I confess my sins unto thee

Oh sister

I beg

As I make you writhe

And shudder

Grow weak in the knees

 

Forgive me sister for I have sinned

I touched myself

I did things I shouldn’t have did

Caress your rosaries

Graze your flesh with my teeth

 

I fell hard when I saw that heavenly stare

I just wanted to see you bare

Together in bed

Your heart next to mine

Married to God

Scorned for all time

 

Reviews

[Misa]

*deep breath* wow...
lol
Well, first off congrats on entering, l hope it goes well for you.
as for the write itself, it strikes me as... erotic, thought provoking (obvious tho they are, l felt it necessary to mention it.) l do have a few suggestions on punctuation, but in this case l think they're mostly by choice rather then necessity.
What l would've liked to see was a period at the end of certain stanzas, just to add that sense of finality - the first one, perhaps, and definitely the last one.
the words you chose to describe each thought and feeling, however, were outstanding for the most part.
l did notice 2 things, however.
"I confess my sins unto thee
Oh sister
I beg" - this is contradictory, somehow. She's begging and making the other woman writhe, at the same time? possible, but strikes me as odd. The other thing was the second last stanza - the middle line, l would've removed the second did, and either replaced it with done, or something similar. a tense/phrasing issue, for the most part.
Overall, however, quite wonderful. :)

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Nice write, JC. Really good!

[Mr. Deft Diction]

WOW!!! I dig this piece TREMENDOUSLY!!! Maybe it's due to the fact that you've touched on something that I don't see too often. Even those of the cloth are open to desires of the flesh.

[Marie]

Great job, sis. Sensual and forbidden. The hot nasty. LOL. I know, unhelpful.