Forbidden In Sin

Another Contest piece

 

 

A tender kiss

A forbidden touch

Together in Paris

An undying lust

 

Slipping and sighing

Grinding and moaning

Together as one

Forbidden

 

A woman of the cloth

A nun

Slip off the habit

Stand naked in the sun

I confess my sins unto thee

Oh sister

I beg

As I make you writhe

And shudder

Grow weak in the knees

 

Forgive me sister for I have sinned

I touched myself

I did things I shouldn’t have did

Caress your rosaries

Graze your flesh with my teeth

 

I fell hard when I saw that heavenly stare

I just wanted to see you bare

Together in bed

Your heart next to mine

Married to God

Scorned for all time

 

Reviews

[Misa]

*deep breath* wow...
lol
Well, first off congrats on entering, l hope it goes well for you.
as for the write itself, it strikes me as... erotic, thought provoking (obvious tho they are, l felt it necessary to mention it.) l do have a few suggestions on punctuation, but in this case l think they're mostly by choice rather then necessity.
What l would've liked to see was a period at the end of certain stanzas, just to add that sense of finality - the first one, perhaps, and definitely the last one.
the words you chose to describe each thought and feeling, however, were outstanding for the most part.
l did notice 2 things, however.
"I confess my sins unto thee
Oh sister
I beg" - this is contradictory, somehow. She's begging and making the other woman writhe, at the same time? possible, but strikes me as odd. The other thing was the second last stanza - the middle line, l would've removed the second did, and either replaced it with done, or something similar. a tense/phrasing issue, for the most part.
Overall, however, quite wonderful. :)

[Angel's Lady]

I confess my sins unto thee

Well, very nicely written. Original content, to say the least. And most provocative. Good job.

[Voltaire Mephisto (aka ..]

It sounds like something Type O Negative would compose. Very dark and sensual. Insane horny vampire stuff right there. I'm honored to be in your loop. Keep up the good work.

[Prose-full]

love it......nice hot twist............mmmyeah.
and i love the images to text...very nice

[April Child]

Well I wasn't expecting that, a nun, forbidden indeed. Nice idea and nicely executed.

[Cynthia Barrick (CHING..]

Hott I think very Hott need I say more?

[Lia]

Great piece! Loved the wording. Good job. Thanks xx

[The Archangel Gabriel]

JC-

You never cease to entertain me. What would the Pope think? He might excommunicate you for life preemptively!

-Gabe

[So sad to be forgotten]

This was a seductive piece and very alluring

[E. M. Murren]

LOL Sister Rachel, my second grade teacher, would cringe at this. Fun times... You have a delightful honest style with a flare for the erotic. well done!!!

[mattavelli]

Nuns are HOT!!!
Great poem. :)