15

 

Tracy threw the phone across the room and watched it shatter against the wall. The room was filled with the smoky essence of the fire burning in the fireplace. She sat down and stared at the large family portrait that was flickering in the flames of the fire.

            “My poor babies all gone because of those damned people at the Agency. I will have my revenge on Lena Caine. That b***h doesn’t deserve to live she has killed my daughter and my son.” Tracy ran a hand over a small photo of her and the man that started this hatred. They used to be in love but then they went opposite ways, it started when she lost the twins she was carrying. She turned to drinking and heroin to numb her pain, the dealer took her under his wing and soon she took over the empire. That’s where she met her ex-husband who was gunned down in a rain of bullets. She got two children out of him and started taking in other lost souls as herself, she met Sumyi through a connection and found out they shared the same father. Tracy vowed to never have her children come from a broken home and she held her family together the best she could and then he and his little group of do gooders came along and ripped it apart. It pained her that both the men in her life she loved were dead, both gunned down in cold blood.

            She felt the tears start to fall and she got up and made her way to the adjoining bathroom, in the harsh light she looked older than she was and her hair was limp and lifeless, she was a far cry from the woman she used to be. She picked up the flower vase and threw it at the mirror, she needed to numb the pain she needed it gone now. Tears streamed down her face and she inhaled the smell of disinfectant and something floral. The sterile coldness of the bathroom did nothing for her spirits, she started flinging open drawers in the vanity looking for the one thing that will kill her pain and bring the sweet relief of sleep. She looked around at the disheveled mess of the bathroom, gold and black marble the light was actually considered warm, well that was what the decorator said.

            “Stupid gay b*****d what the hell does he know about warm.” She kicked some more planters and then found what she was looking for among the dirt and flowers. She bent down and felt the cold surface against her heated skin. “Now to send the pain away.” She grabbed the tourniquet and tightened it around her bicep until her veins popped out, the years have taken its toll on her veins they were starting to collapse from over use of her friend, the friend that took the pain away. She found the needle and tapped it to mix the liquid and brown powder, tapping a defeated vein she stuck the needle in and moaned as the prick released the warm liquid that would burn her veins then send her on a sweet journey. She pulled the needle out and started riding the white pony to salvation, her head because heavy and she could taste the water and powdery mixture on her tongue.

            “F**k it doesn’t look like I am going to make it to the bedroom before the trip starts may as well enjoy it. Look at your momma now my babies, soon maybe I will join you.” She closed her eyes and felt the rush of blackness then opened them again and lay down on her side. The queasy feeling was starting in her stomach, which meant her body was fighting the heroin. She curled up and muttered, somewhere classical music started playing and the lights started growing brighter than dimming like flames. Tracy smiled and watched the world around her melt into a mish mosh of colors and textures. She never used to do this type of thing, she used to be human once upon a time but things change and then she started weeping again, she saw her children that were killed and her two twins that were lost in child birth. Oh what if they were still alive? No they couldn’t be she saw their tiny little bodies, pink with blood and blue from lack of oxygen, the doctors had no real explanation as to why they were dead. Sad, it truly was a sad day and that was when things between her and her first love changed.

            Tracy walked along the tree lined paths that led to the dorm rooms, she was scared it was the first time she was going to be away from home and she heard such awful things about college, she was fresh faced, naïve and this was after all the age of disco. She was trying very hard to fit in with the other students, she just wasn’t as popular as them because she didn’t drink, didn’t smoke weed, and the thought of sex just scared her as much as being at college in a big city. She inhaled and sighed, she still couldn’t find her way around the campus and it was starting to get really chilly, she hated New England and its winters.

            “You look like you’re lost do you need some help?” she turned around to find a young man in a tweed overcoat and tight bellbottoms smiling at her, his hair was a little long and feathered but he was nice to look at. She felt herself blushing and looked away, then he cleared her throat and she looked at him again.

            “Oh yes sorry I’m still a freshman here, I should know where everything is but I am looking for Thompson Hall.” She stared at his dark eyes, they were so penetrating and she focused her attention on the leaves changing color. The air was scented with cologne, and the crisp smell of fall. She heard other students laughing and there were several protests going on around campus, off in the distance she heard traffic and sirens.

            “Well just as luck would have it I am on my way over there now, if you don’t mind Miss?” he was extending his hand to her and she started blushing even more, why was she acting this way. “I’m afraid I don’t know your name although I have seen you in a few of my classes. I guess I should actually start paying attention.” He laughed and she loved his laugh, she looked out at the water surrounding Boston University and sighed it was such a beautiful campus and she wanted a college boyfriend but she didn’t want to throw it away on the first guy she met. She could use friends though; she looked at him with his wavy brown hair that seemed to fall in his eyes, his deep rich eyes, and the masculine jaw line that was slightly tinted with stubble. She felt the breeze play with her hair and put her hand in his, electricity coursed through them and she jumped back staring wide eyed at him.

            “Sorry sometimes I forget myself, my name is Tracy Watson, pleased to meet you, and yes I would enjoy the company over to Thompson Hall.” She blushed and put her head down again and he laughed a deep throaty chuckle.

            “The name is Reginald Biesel the third. Pleased to meet you Miss Watson, now shall we head on over to Thompson Hall?” she grabbed his offered arm and they walked across the campus to Thompson Hall. She tried to quiet the butterflies in her stomach when she touched him but she needed to study not worry and moon over some guy.

            “Well thank you Mr. Biesel I am sure we will be seeing each other in class again.” She smiled and left him standing in the fall sunlight with a perplexed look on his face. She giggled to herself and found a nice corner in the library to start working on her paper. The quiet surrounded her and she inhaled the smell of paper and old books, she always loved the library it was her Zen place. She studied the words in the books, she tried concentrating on Freud and his theories but she kept thinking about Reginald Biesel, she felt her eyes grow heavy and she shook her head. The lights were brighter in the library and it seemed to be getting warmer, Tracy rubbed her eyes and stared at the clock. Three hours have passed and she didn’t get anything written on her paper. She slammed the book shut and grunted.

            “This will never do, I need to get my head back in the game and stop thinking about boys, or I’m going to lose my scholarship.” Tracy made sure no one was around to hear her talking to herself and made her way out the door to head back across campus to her dorm. The wind had picked up and there were thick clouds covering the stars, the air was also thick with the smell of water and the city of Boston. She shivered as the trees rustled restlessly, there didn’t seem to be anyone on campus and she was starting to become really scared. Her mother was against her coming to Boston because of all the murders that happened earlier but Tracy reassured her mother that DeSalvo was caught and there was no real need to worry. Now Tracy wasn’t so sure about that, there were always such things as copycat killers, she learned that in Psychology class, she also believed that everyone you should be suspicious of and trust no one unless you know them. She sighed and moved quicker in the darkened pathways leading to the dorms, she thought she heard foot steps behind her but decided it was just part of her paranoia. She finally made it to her dorm room and slammed the door behind her, panting heavily she started crying, this wasn’t how she planned on things being, being scared, alone, and definitely not developing a crush on some guy she just met. Tracy decided that what she needed was sleep and then to just put it out of her head tomorrow morning will be a better day.

            The fog lifted momentarily and Tracy blinked, she was lying face down on her bathroom floor, the heroin was starting to wear off, that was the worse thing about being a junky, the buzz always wore off way too quickly. She rubbed her jaw and groaned, maybe she’ll go have a few drinks and take some Oxycontin, she really didn’t need to worry about overdoses, she didn’t have those anymore, she had to take more to kill the pain, her tolerance for the drugs was so high it was almost as if she were immune to the effects. She rinsed her mouth out because it tasted like bile and the liquid mixture she injected into her vein, she should check on that psychotic b***h of a sister. Tracy wrapped herself in a silk bathrobe and made her way out to the hallway, she was assaulted by a musky, spicy scent and a huge amount of smoke coming from the library. She certainly hoped that Sumyi wasn’t trying to burn the damn house down, she really should have left the crazy b***h where she was, turning tricks in the streets giving blow jobs for money, and then killing the Johns and robbing them blind.

            She opened the door to the library and found the woman throwing stuff into the fire and burning something else on the desk. Tracy ran into the room and examined her desk to make sure that Sumyi didn’t f**k her beautiful antique desk up. She then turned towards the other woman who had a black cigarette hanging out of her mouth and she was throwing papers into the fire.

            “What the hell do you think you are doing? What are you burning on my desk? Do you realize that it is worth more than you will ever be?” Tracy downed the amber liquid and started feeling drowsy from the heroin, alcohol and whatever was burning on her desk. She shook her head and yawned, she wasn’t going to pass out here she didn’t trust her sister not to cut out her kidneys and sell them to the black market.

            “Relax sister dear I’m just taking care of some papers that link me with Biesel and some other things I don’t wish to be linked to, and that stuff burning on your desk is temple incense, I needed a cleansing and that helps.” She laughed bitterly and Tracy’s vision started swimming, Sumyi started growing tall, then short, there was something wrong, she looked at the crystal decanter and dropped it on the rug, then she fell beside the liquid spilling out on her Persian rug. The smoke filled room and the brandy were making her hallucinate, she couldn’t move her body and even though panic welled up in her, she decided to let the heavy leaden feeling take over and the last thing she saw was Sumyi’s smiling face looking at her.

            “So sorry sissy, but there has been a change in plans and now I’m calling the shots, don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you,” she laughed again and kicked Tracy in the side, it should have hurt but Tracy was numb, “well maybe not yet, see you were always daddy’s favorite and now I want what you have.” She bent down and then grabbed her sister by her hair snapping her neck back, “including the two things that will keep you under my control, your sons.” She dropped Tracy’s head back down with a loud thud and Tracy wanted to scream that her sons were dead but she couldn’t. Her sons were alive? Who? And how?

Tracy and Reginald looked at the saltbox house and then laughed, it was perfect, small but cozy and typical New England style. She looked at her husband and can’t believe it has been eight years since they have been together, she inhaled and smelled apples and somewhere off in the distance pies were baking. She giggled again and looked down at the swell of her belly, it was time their little family was finally complete, she didn’t tell Reggie that there were twins in her belly, she was saving that for tonight, he was too cute being all worried about her, she should be the one worried about him he was a detective with the Boston Police department and she was as proud as a momma hen. He finally trimmed his hair and it was starting to go a little gray, he was in his mid thirties.

            “So we closed on it finally and now this little house is ours. Come on honey let’s go inside.” She laughed again and waddled through the front gate, there were mums planted along the path and some bushes with berries, wisteria trees and willows in the front yard the back boasted large pines and maple trees. She loved the house the first time she saw it and she knew that when she married Reginald that it would be difficult money wise. She could have asked her parents for the money but she wanted to be an independent child now that she completed college and was finally married, it was a little difficult in the beginning she was a counselor at a drug clinic and he was a beat cop, working long hours they both barely had time to spend with one another. They managed though and then things started looking up they talked about having a family and saved up enough money for a nice little house. Reginald then passed the detective’s exam a few years later and she was promoted at work, they found the house nine months ago, the day they started house hunting she found out she was pregnant. Now here they were after the closing and the old owners moved out, ready to welcome their children into the world in their new home.

            “I think it is customary to carry the bride over the threshold of their new home.” He picked her up and she let out a squeal and beat him with her hands they both laughed and kissed.

            “Honey you really shouldn’t be carrying me I am such a heifer now” she gasped as she was carried over the threshold their house was completely furnished and she started crying. “Oh honey we can stay here tonight we don’t have to go back to the apartment?” she looked at everything and then winced as she felt one of the babies kick.

            “Nope and I am putting all our old stuff in storage until you decide on what you wish to do with it. I mean of course we’re going to need some of it but I convinced the old owners to leave some of the necessary furniture most of it is brand new though.” He hugged her from behind and kissed her neck.

            “Honey we’re having twins.” She couldn’t wait for dinner, she wanted him to know, they were going to be due soon and she couldn’t hold the surprise back any longer, she wanted to tell him when she first found out but thought it would be much better later on. The house smelled of pine and cranberries, she looked at the fireplace in the living room and had visions of many family gatherings in front of it.

            “Twins? Baby you just made me the happiest man alive!” he picked her up and spun her around she winced and then felt pressure, something wasn’t right, she felt a rush and relief of fluids and then pain.

            “Reggie honey the babies are coming but something is wrong! Call an ambulance please.” She doubled over in pain and saw stars piercing her vision; hopefully her babies would make it through. She didn’t know how long she stood doubled over and she didn’t care she wanted drugs and she wanted them now, she wanted the babies out and prayed that they would survive.

            The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever the smell of antiseptic and the strange beeping of machines dragged her out of her adrenaline induced stupor, there was a stab in her lower back as an epidural was administered, people kept telling her it was going to be ok and that she needed to push, she did but she couldn’t she just wanted to give up. Someone was holding her hand and she tried squeezing back but she didn’t have the strength, all she remembered was blood and then more pain, and more blood, she saw the doctor take out one baby and then another, they were blue, oh god her babies were dead. She started crying and knew the emptiness in her heart would never be filled. She was also enjoying the rush of the epidural, now she finally understood why some of her clients did the drugs. She let the machines buzz and beep around her and then fell asleep on a cottony pillow of bliss.

            Reginald had a bad feeling about his wife and looked at her sleeping in her hospital bed, he noticed something in his eyes that he saw in the eyes of the junkies that he arrested on a daily basis. The babies were blue and were not crying and breathing when they removed them, but after the doctors suctioned out the lungs and warmed them up his boys started crying. He made a painful decision though and needed to discuss it with the doctors, he would have to tell his wife that their children were dead, it would kill him and it would kill her but what he saw in her eyes would save them all in the long run. He signed the birth certificates and told them at the hospital that he would be giving Gerald and Vincent up for adoption he had two families that would be taking the children and all the papers would be filled out by the time the children are ready to leave.

            Reginald couldn’t understand why he was doing what he was and he knew it was cruel, but he also had a sinking feeling that things would go downhill from here. Maybe he should have kept the babies and not sent them away but he would always be there for his sons no matter what and when the time was right he would tell them about each other and who their parents were. He sighed and hugged his tiny sons, they smelled like baby powder and he inhaled deeply, it would be the last time he would hold them and maybe they will meet again some day. Now to just tell his wife when she woke up from her epidural coma, she would take it badly and he hoped that she would never learn the truth he couldn’t bear the thought of her hating him forever.

            “Are you sure you want to do this sir?” the handsome woman was holding little Vincent and she was cooing at him and the baby was giggling, she was part of his new movement in crime. She was the very first person he recruited to the Agency, Tracy knew he was a police officer but she didn’t know that since he solved some high profile cases and cold cases the government offered him a job running their new top secret branch. He took the job and that was how he was able to furnish their new home. He sighed and looked at the woman.

            “Yes Vivian I am sure, only you and I will know the truth though, let’s vow though that if we actually meet these boys when they are older and by some miracle they come back into our life, we will give them a home and treat them like family. They need not know that I am their father. You will watch over them for me won’t you?” she nodded and smiled.

            “Of course Reggie what are friends for?” They shared that moment and who knew that such an innocent moment would turn into a fiasco later on down the line. No one could know that the two boys would be walking on the opposite sides of the law.

Reviews

[Marie]

Hot nasty.