The Lies within the Truth

Even the strongest will crumble down in a given amount of time or with just a piece of bad new.

Aaron shakes his head and softly answers, “I am sorry, but I don’t have the answers. My grandpa was the only one who knew the truth. However, he never told anyone. It was as if he was ashamed of it.” He quickly lifts his hand away from his trembling child, knowing very well about his out of control anger. It is quite rare, but when James does get anger, head for the hills.

James can feel his body trembling as his frustration boils over. “First time my dad tells me the truth, and I am still left with no freaking clue on where to find the cure,” he grumbles under his breath. Slamming his sprained wrist hard on the couch, missing the firm cushion by an inch, hitting the hard wooden end instead.“Ouch," Sam hisses as he squeezes both eyes shut, turning away from the whimpering teen.

James wants to scream. He wants to cry, yet he remains quiet. Not wanting to frighten Sam or worry his dad more than he probably did. A faint growl hisses silently up his throat as he tries to ease the throbbing pain from crawling further up his arm. Looking up, James isn't surprised to find two sad expressions staring down at him out of concern.

“Sorry,” James mutters.

Fidgeting under layer after layer of blankets and quilts, James knows he has to leave. He did not want to lash out at anyone, especially his family. James groans as he tries desperately to move his body, yet a hand gently pushes him back on the couch. James looks up at two deep blue eyes staring at him in concern.

“James, don't go. I know you are angry; we all are. However, that doesn't mean you can risk opening your wounds in the process.” Sam pleads in a calming voice, trying to get James to settle down before he opens one of his several lines of stitches.

“No,” James grumbles, tick off by the fact that Sam is right.

James struggle to sit up despite the several sets of hands, bringing him further down, he can feel his energy slowly diminishing into nothing but exhaustion.  He groans softly in defeat before getting smush into the cushion and layers of blankets once again. His muscles screaming at him for being so reckless. Sam smiles at the fact that he can knock some sense into James, despite him being incredibly stubborn. Carefully lifting his head up, Sam makes sure there is enough room for him to sit before supporting James's head back down on his trembling knees. Aaron stands there, stun. Nobody had ever been able to handle James’s anger, not him or Derrick or Kenny. But Sam comforted the beast with a simple touch and soft sweet words. Chuckling lightly to himself, Aaron thought, Sam sure is something.

“Okay, who wants a steaming hot cup of cocoa?” Aaron offers, knowing chocolate and mini-marshmallows fixes everything.

Both boys look straight up with big grins on their faces, nodding their heads in unison. Aaron laughs harder. “Okay, okay. I will be right back. Maybe we can rent a movie or two, just to kill some time, as you two rest,” he suggests before turning around the corner and heading to the kitchen.

A loud yawn roars up James’s throat as he tries to get comfortable on Sam’s lap. He whimpers silently as his hand throbs against the tight bandages. Sam places, a clammy hand on top, interlacing his fingers into James’s broken ones. He strokes them delicately as he hums the only tune he knows that will soothe the wounded teen. Softly brushing his bangs aside, he watches him slowly doze off. He pulls the quilt up over the snoring teen’s chin, making sure to not move his knee.

“Good night, Jamey,” he whispers lightly before placing a small peck gently on his lips. A blush crawls across his cheeks with the faint sound of distant footsteps walking closer to the couch. Unfortunately, he can feel his eyelids growing heavier, demanding to fall, but Sam didn't want to sleep yet, he wants to stay up a little longer, maybe for a cup of Aaron’s world famous hot chocolate. However, he knows this fight won’t last much longer with each yawn, he let out, growing louder and louder with each minute passing by. His weighted down eyelids finally fall in defeat, allowing the darkness to consume his senses. He relishes the feeling of his body slowly relaxing as his mind beings to drift off.

***

Several hours later, James sluggishly peels open his heavy eyelids from a thick coating of crust that is trying to seal his eyes shut. Breathing in small gasps, he feels his heart thumping harshly against his bruised ribs. He catches a whiff of fear soaking through his thin T-shirt, drenching his limbs. Breathing in a big breath, he holds it in tight as he tries to reach for his knees. But finds it impossible to do as his arms lay limp by his side, not budging an inch. Shifting his gaze, he frowns at the small blotches of gray discoloration scattering up and down his arm. He moans faintly with his stomach twisting in knots and his brain banging off his skull. James sighs pitifully under his breath, using the last of his strength to lift one of his arms forward, barely brushing against his kneecap. He stops dead in his track with hearing soft rustling on the side of his head, scratching roughly on his battered cheek.

“Sammy,” James moans as he tries to force the teen away from his broken body with his one and only useful hand. Seconds later, he collapses from exhaustion, without even moving Sam’s body an inch. He is too weak in his condition to do anything. “Sammy… Sam,” he tries to moan one last time.

Listening to the faint snoring coming from the side of his head, James shifts his gaze up just enough to catch a blurry glimpse of a blond-headed boy passed out on the side of his couch. James can’t help but smile faintly with thinking; he does look exhausted. This morning must have been traumatic for him. I should probably stop moving. I don’t want to disturb him as he looks so peaceful in his sleep. "Good night Sam," he yawns softly, as he lowers his gaze down before drifting off to sleep.

***

Feeling a bit more energetic, James groggily open his eyes. “What time is it?” James questions, shifting his eyes around the small room for anything that might tell the time. But something white catches his attention instead. Squinting his unfocused eyes, he instantly realizes, it is a white bandage with several little red blotches seeping through the threads of the fabric. James sighs; looks like it hurt. I wonder what… Oh, yeah, I did it. He bites down on his tongue, not wanting to scream, but he feels like a monster for wounding Sam by clawing out his skin. What kind of person does that? He wonders as he stares at the evidence of tiny specks of dry blood coating the tips of his chipped fingernails. He wants to puke all of his guilt away with a feeling of disgust swirling rapidly around in upset stomach.

"Ugh," Sam groans in his sleep as his body slowly comes back to life.

Fearfully, James quickly looks up at the blond headed teen beginning to toss and turn in his slumber. He watches his dim blue eyes flutter up and think; I have to tell him… I am sorry. Sam yawns groggily as he stares straight ahead at the blinding light beating on the stained glass window. Illuminating all shades of color against his worn-out features. He feels the warmth of the sun wrapping its loving arms around his shoulders. Sam breathes in the sweet aroma of chocolate and lavender. Breathing out slowly, he savors the peaceful feeling he feels deep inside. This sense of peacefulness hugging his heart, and he knows he will always be safe here.

“I wish I could stay here forever, away from those people,” he whispers as he let his head fall with the weight his parents’ words still fresh on his mind. It has been months since he’d last seen their deadly glares hissing at him for liking a boy or being friends with James. To his parents, he and his brother are nothing to them, but his sister is their precious child because she isn’t different.

Lifting his head up to the welcoming sun, Sam smiles before trying to get up, but something is holding him back. Looking down, he notices a mess of orange hair, resting silently on his lap. Shifting his gaze further down, he stares infuriatingly at the crimson-coated nails mocking him. He let out a heavy sigh, James thinks it’s all his fault. Okay, it’s time to tell him the truth, Sammy. You can do it. It will make James feel a lot better. He tells himself as he tries to muster up much-needed courage before wrapping his trembling fingers around the stained ones. Hiding them away from his lover’s guilty, tarnish eye

“Sammy, I didn’t know you were up. Sorry if I woke you up,” he apologizes with tears glazing over his already reddish eyes.

“Jamey, please don’t be sorry. None of this is your fault,” Sam admits softly. He squeezes his eyes shut, knowing very well he was stupid for doing such a dumb act. “I did it… I was the one that caused this injury to my wrist. It wasn’t you at all, so please don’t blame yourself. It was all me; you didn’t hurt me,” he lies through his teeth.

James lay there, paralyzed in shock from the fact of Sam actually harming himself for the sack of... why did he do it, he wonders.

“Why?” he croaks, not wanting to hear the answer, yet a small part of him wants to know the truth.

“I was paralyzed with fear, and my body denied my commands. I had to do something instead of just watching you cry in agony, soaking the bed with your tears and blood. I wanted to be with you; I wanted to protect you from those evil thoughts. I bit my wrist as hard as I could. I guess I could have gone a lot smaller, but I wasn’t thinking,” Sam babbles, not paying attention to his tears flowing from glossy blue eyes. He suddenly jumps from his thoughts, shivering with the feeling of frail fingers stroking across the edges of the white bandages. James painstakingly refrain his touch from pushing any harder as his anger build up inside.

“Jamey, I am sorry,” he slurs, pushing his hand over his mouth, feeling the sensation of thick acid- filled fluid crawling up his throat. He swallows hard, yanking the putrid liquid back down with a soft groan escaping from his lips. He clutches his upset stomach, as he continues to stare at the thin white cloths covering up the ugly mess under his skin. He is mortified at himself with actually having the guts to rip through his own flesh. Stick out his tongue as he can still taste the salty metallic fluid swooshing around in his mouth. James frowns at his boyfriend, breaking apart from his action, gently wiggling his fingers from Sam’s shaky grip. He Softly brushing his thumb on the brim of his glossy blue eyes, wiping away his tears.

“Sammy, please don’t cry. I know you did it out of love,” James nervously chuckles, catching Sam’s attention. “Love makes people do crazy things sometimes.” Sam can't help but smile at James’s corny response, but he has to admit he is right. “Sammy, you know what?” James whispers quietly.

Sam tilts his head to the side. “What?” he asks out of curiosity.

“You are the best boyfriend a boy could ever have,” he says in a loving tone. With one glance down, Sam knows he’d hit all the right marks base on James's cheeks flaming red with embarrassment. Leaning in closer, Sam brushes his trembling lips against the embarrassed teen.

“You are, too,” he hums, quickly locking his lips once again and feeling sparks flying through the air.

“Am I interrupting something?” a familiar voice laughs, cutting through the once silent air, causing both boys to jump apart immediately.