My Blue Home

Hello everyone, here is something I just typed up for my first post. Please feel free to read it, criticize it, discuss it, or ignore it. Either way thank you for reading it.

   Here, is my home. 

A place, among infinite darkness and finite light. 

This place I inhabit creates life and takes it ;in agony-

in a quiet peaceful sweep, or in a loud unmerciful bang.  

My home seems void of love,

but perhaps her love can only be found in the dark places.

Where light shines most dim.

She renders the purest love. 

I am confined to her persuasive charm 

unable to take flight among her observers. 

Rendering me a voiceless voice

a lost finding, an immortal mortal,

a human. 

Author's Note

All opinions are welcomed.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

hmm an "ode" ... just one quality lacking, Franco .. they are meant to be sung ;) but ... given the marvelous freedom to "poetic license" ... one could give a darn good shot at putting music to your words :)) interesting twists and turns ...and dark ... perhaps your protagonist is a cave dweller ... or shadow .. there is depression and an almost lack of direction in your speaker ... purest love in darkness is quite a different kind of literary love to me anyway ... you might experiment with using line breaks instead of comas to create pause and emphasis .. as is (tho i am no pro) they aren't editorially placed ... in all i am provoked to think outside my own limited thought .. i like the hint of natural cycles and timelessness that are most certainly a part of the "universe" ... Welcome to the Cafe' ..it is a great place to grow .. i read probably 10-20 times more than i post ;) and it has helped me a whole lot as being self taught .. and if i may suggest .. there are free on line classes you can take from the U of Iowa called MOOCs .. they are fantastic in my opinion .. i am going to try and keep up with you Franco .. happy writings to you... right here at the Cafe'! :)
E.

[Franco]

Thank you very much for your thorough review. You were very helpful. I took your advice and altered my poem a bit. Again, thank you very much for your critic. I'm still learning, hahaha!

[Einstein Noodle]

i think its stronger with the changes...do you?? i have a clearer line on the flow of the story .. and you are quite welcome .. we certainly all are on a learning curve :)))))))))))))

[A.G.]

This is really something beautiful you have here Franco.. I loved it. Thank you for sharing (:

[Franco]

Thank you Angela for reading , commenting, and sharing such kind words.

[A.G.]

Your welcome (:

[Fairy Khan]

Very thoughtful. I like the flow and the balance that you have maintained, but I wouldn’t call it an ode. It’s more of a prose poem.

[Franco]

Thank you for reading my poem. I altered it a bit in hopes of bettering the theme. Thank you again! Much appreciated.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

A descriptive commentary that seems also a lament. As an Ode, it seems not to follow any classical style but that should (and does not) dissuade from the intent. A "human" perspective, that is certain.

[Franco]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my writing!

[kitty]

A profound first write, giving expression to the thoughts of many of your readers. Out of the 'darkness' comes light If we start believing ourselves, with help of well meaning people we will come through, victorious!

[Franco]

Thank you kitty! Much appreciated.

[kitty]

Keep writing!. Good luck

[Robert Trakofler]

well if this is your first poem I cant wait to read your second:) this is all clever and evocative and I wouldnt say you are truly voiceless... not at all

[Franco]

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my writing! I'm still learning the ropes, hahaha.

[Rye]

This is very descriptive and I enjoyed it.

[Franco]

Thank you so very much!

[Mrudula Rani]

A place becomes home only when there is love. Being humans, earthlings, we are bound to this fragile planet and we should cherish her as well. A worthy ode to terra firma .

[Franco]

Thank you for the read and feedback. Always appreciated!

[Mrudula Rani]

It's entirely my pleasure. Welcome to Writerscafe.