Lonliness For Two

Loneliness For Two

 

 

So as always I am feeling that sort of sense where you are alone yet you feel there is someone around. I look out over the world, the city buildings towering over all the people who seem so insignificant compared. These buildings will outlast those people so maybe they are more significant. I look over the green hillsides in the distance to lands unknown to me; how much these lands have to offer me is incredible and yet I do not take it any of it, I just dwell in the same hole night after night. I watch the sun setting in the west with such glory, such beauty with the nothingness by my side. This presence by my side, such a known feeling but there is no one there. Absolutely no one by my side.

I used to wonder what that presence was, one theory I had when I was little, curious and imaginative, that it was God or a guardian angel, watching my steps, helping me through life so preciously as if I was a very fragile being externally speaking, like my suit of armour from the evil people in this world. I am fragile I assure you, but internally, mentally.

Another thought I had about this feeling is that it is the wanting for those no longer around; in my case the girl I once loved. A relationship that was so strong and perfect my heart melts at the mere thought of what was had between us. She left me for reasons I never knew and now my brain in its own madness creates her because I cannot live without her. Furthermore however it will not create the face of her oh no, or any real appearance of her for the thought and sight is too much pain. I cannot face her because when I see her, the pain gushes to my head and I lose my balance, I also feel a soft throbbing in my chest. This is quite a psychological thought and a very plausible one.

My one last theory, and the one I most believe is this; that feeling of another by my side even though I am completely alone is because it is I.

Explanation: My own soul trying to escape, for it cannot bear to live in this world. This would also explain why I sometimes hear screams. My soul fears living in such a vast world and facing its challenges because it along with I, is weak. And afraid to exist. It can escape my body I personally believe, and it can run for a few paces in any direction it so chooses but in the end, that is as far as it can escape and all it can really do. Only the body can commit suicide; and so the soul waits for the act. To escape this world. I believe this is a sort of natural selection, the weak minded die and the strong minded pass down their genes.