Midnight Reverie

When love fades away, all that's left is...

 

Silhouettes of faded dreams,

Dancing like silver screen lovers

Behind gauze-like curtains,

In the flickering candlelight of my soul.

 

Images of you and me,

Moving like kaleidoscope patterns

On the surface of reflective fragments,

In the shattered projection of my feeble gaze.

 

Whispers of love songs,

Drifting like petals of wilted blossoms

To the dusty bedside table top,

In the desolate, aphotic corner of my mind.

 

Memories of us,

Haunting me like restless spirits

From the hallowed ground of love's shallow grave,

In the effervescent mist of my midnight reverie. 

Author's Note

Let's see, as always constructive criticism, PLEASE. I don't believe I'll change this one any more than I have. It's one that feels complete to me, for a change. 'Aphotic' is a somewhat obscure word, in that it's rarely used, but it means dark, lightless. :)

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Your language ripples rhythmically like those gauze-like curtains.

I had to look up "aphotic," but I enjoyed that. Its relative obscurity is appropriate to your usage.

The elegiac consistency not only reminds the reader of the haunting quality of love lost, but indeed of the evanescence of incarnation itself: "We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lives are rounded with a sleep."

You've gathered your word-clusters well, like so many lilies in memoriam to time itself. One need not tinker with such flowers.

What remains is the strange sad beauty of our fleeting mysterious lives.

[Lorraine]

I find the ghostly feel rather refreshing. Since love is such an overrated concept, it's amazing how you can still create something that has a newness to offer. Overall, it's a very exquisite poem, concept and phrasing alike.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Legion]

I don't think you should change it either. What a wonderfully dark write. Bravo.

[Arthur Crow]

It's a classic! Honestly can't come up with any constructive criticism.. it flows nicely and the word choices and lines all work well. Great effort!

[MrsBrown]

"memories of us haunting me like restless spirits" i love this line of the poem.. I have felt exactly that b4. I like the poem and can relate well.

[An owl on the moon]

This is so hauntingly beautiful, so painfully bittersweet. One can sense the deep loss of love through the vivid imagery and dancing around us like ghosts of what was... Every line paints the picture. Amazing write. Truly.

[MalkavianDelirium]

"From the hallowed ground of love's shallow grave,
In the effervescent mist of my midnight reverie."

A wonderfully haunting ending to this piece. It's a beautifully moving and coherent piece, the structure works really well. I was sitting, reading it out to myself and smiling at how it all comes together. The imagery is sublime and tantalising, it's like realised glimpses of emotion. moments out of time.

[Anthony Beal]

As usual, you've created a well-constructed piece with imagery that lingers after the reading is done. Your usage of words/phrases like "silver screen lovers," "gauze-like curtains," "flickering," and "projection" in the first two stanzas roused in my mind images of a grand theater; one that, although deserted and empty now, retains much of the grandeur of its heyday. Good beginning, since it makes a good metaphor, given the poem's overall tone of remembering past romantic happiness.

The imagery changes some in the latter two stanzas, seeming to grow more private and melancholy. The "wilted blossoms" at bedside are another perfect metaphor for love that has bloomed and faded. My only edit suggestion is that you could probably omit the comma ending each stanza's second line without sacrificing pace or poignancy. I didn't get here in time to read your first edit, but as it currently stands, this poem works very well. I'm glad I got to read it.