Chapter Eight: Separation.

So, I'm finally updating this again...

I felt Shizu-chan’s body go limp in my arms, but I couldn’t help but make my lips linger on his for just a moment. It hurt me so much, knowing that I wasn’t able to prevent this from happening as soon as I drugged his eggs… I should’ve realised that he was too strong for me. That little “I love you” speech he gave changed my mind in an instant, but there wasn’t a thing I could do after that… I was just weak like that.

 

I pulled my lips away from Shizu-chan’s, and opened my eyes, looking at his face. I moved my left hand away from Shizu-chan’s face to cover my mouth as I felt my heart shatter. His face showed sadness and worry and fear and pain and, like me, heartbreak. I sat up as I wiped away the tears that were about to fall on Shizu-chan’s face, and I sat next to him, staring at the face that just made my heart break into infinite pieces. I had never felt so guilty… Not even when the hospital… Not even when I watched only too many girls jump to their deaths…

 

I shakily stood, picking up my phone from the kitchen bench. I had texted Celty while I was cooking, telling her to come here, as a matter of great urgency. She was bound to be here any second now, according to the time. I put my phone on the table before glancing at Shizu-chan again, which made me tremble again. I shook my head, looking down. I was unable to look at that expression… I clenched my teeth at my own weakness, and the tears leaking down my cheeks made it worse.

 

I shook my head. I had to be strong, at least for a moment. Even if I cried through it, it’d be enough… My normal reaction would be to pack my things, but besides my jacket and jeans, I didn’t have anything to take with me.

 

I forced myself to walk into Shizu-chan’s room, taking one last look at his bed. I was so used to being able to wake up in that bed, knowing he would be beside me when I woke up. To others, it wasn’t much, but it gave me the greatest sense of security I had ever felt. To know that somebody actually loved me enough as to not just abandon me when I was a hassle… It was things like that that pushed me to make this decision… Shizu-chan had always put me first, he’d always comforted me, and always made sure I was safe… The least I could do was pay him back…

 

I slipped on my pants silently, glancing at my torn shirt as I did so. Even back then… Shizu-chan had never really wanted to hurt me. If I thought about it, the slice he left in my chest was more than likely accidental. I shook my head, trying to forget about Shizu-chan, at least for now. I zipped my jacket up, unsurprised at the stiffness the zipper held, as I had never felt the need to use it before now. The slight yet crisp noise seemed loud in such a quiet place, and for a moment, I thought I felt Shizu-chan’s arms around me once again, but I knew it wasn’t real. I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to hold back tears again. I turned around, to walk back out of Shizu-chan’s room, but I froze when I reached the doorframe, looking at the black-clad figure who leant on the wall of the empty hallway, as if waiting for me to explain as to why Shizu-chan was unconscious. We looked at each other for a moment in silence, and I could somehow tell that Celty was waiting for me to react to her presence… A smirk, a chuckle, a cryptic chirp…

 

But I was unable to do any of those things.

 

I really didn’t want to do this… I didn’t want to leave Shizu-chan, let alone acknowledge the fact that I was so weak that I had to get help from one of the people I was messing with. If that wasn’t low, I didn’t know what was. I took a deep breath, looking at the Dulahan grimly.

 

“I need you to look after Shizu-chan until he wakes up. Can you do that?” I asked in a flat tone, but before I could even finish, she had already begun to speedily type on her phone. She swung off the wall as she typed, walking closer to me without the need to look up. It wasn’t as if she was limited to normal human eyes, but in reality, nobody knew just how accurate her vision was. When Celty was about 2 metres away, she stopped, showing me what she had written. “Look, I know I have no right as a deliverer to ask you these things, but I’m doing it as a friend… What’s going on between you and Shizuo? Did he kidnap you or something? If you’re injured, I suggest you go see Shinra… You don’t seem hurt, and yet, the strongest person in Ikebukuro, maybe the whole of Japan, is unconscious, without a scratch, I might add…! Too many things don’t add up here, Izaya, and I believe you know what’s going on…”

 

She took the phone away for a moment, and began typing again, only to show me her phone just seconds later. “Don’t worry, I’ll still do it… All I want is for you to tell me what’s going on. Please.”

 

I sighed as I looked down, but Celty had already put her phone away, as if to tell me that it was my turn to speak. “Look, Celty… I don’t know how to tell you this… And even if I did, I doubt that you would believe me…” I began, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was lying. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to tell her… I was just too weak. Celty pulled out her phone again. “You’re talking to a Dulahan. You’d be surprised as to what I believe.” She typed, before putting the medium of communication away. It was amazing how such a small item could replace one’s voice… But now wasn’t the time for thinking about things like that.

 

I looked up at the black-clad female, wondering if she would believe that Shizu-chan and I were in a relationship, even though the very fact had disgusted her upon first hearing it. Shinra had told me about it, and I’ll admit, I’d chuckled. Back then, the idea of Shizu-chan and I would ever date was ludicrous, to put it in simple terms. Nobody believed it, except Erika, but that was the yaoi fangirl talking, not the sophisticated Dollars member that I knew. I shook my head slightly, trying to focus on telling Celty the truth. I took another deep breath, then looked straight where her eyes would be. “Celty, you can choose not to believe this, but I can assure you, I’m telling the truth… Shizu-chan and I… we…” I began, feeling a blush dust my cheeks.

 

“We’re dating.”

 

Celty jumped, then froze, as if she looked at me in disbelief. She fumbled around with her phone, then seemed to compose herself just enough to type. “Are you serious?! I thought you two were enemies?!” She showed me, and I nodded silently. “It’s true. Despite everything… I’ve fallen for him, as him for me…” I assured, which made her jump again, before she began typing. “Then why did you drug him?” She asked, and inside, I was somewhat relieved at the fact that she was calming down. I was forced to look down, however, when she asked her question. “I’m a dangerous person, Celty, you know that… I love Shizu-chan, and I would rather hurt myself in leaving him than be with him to the extent that he’ll get hurt…” I explained. It was hard to do so without mentioning Neo or him blackmailing me…

 

Celty showed me her phone one last time. “I’ll help you out… I believe you, for some reason…” She showed me, before turning away, walking toward Shizu-chan. “Thank you, Celty…” I muttered, walking to the door. I paused when I went to turn the handle, and glanced at the blond one last time… That same expression was still on his face, and I couldn’t help but go towards him again. I knelt down beside him, brushing his hair from his face, secretly wishing that I had been able to see his hair before he dyed it blond. Now… I wasn’t going to get that chance.

 

I kissed the males lips lightly, one last time.

 

The thought that this was the end made another tear fall down my cheek, and I held his face lightly with my left hand. I almost wished he could wake up for just a moment, so I could look into his eyes again… but that wasn’t going to happen. I pulled away from him slowly, looking at his face for as long as I could before the guilt took over again… I couldn’t stand to see that face…

 

I stood up quickly, biting my lip as I screwed my eyes shut, wiping away my tears again. I stumbled over to the door, grasping the handle for support. I could feel myself shaking, despite my best efforts to avoid doing so… I opened the door, stepping just outside the doorframe before I smiled weakly. I turned my head slowly, closing my eyes lightly, as to avoid looking at Shizu-chan’s face again. “Goodbye, Shizu-chan…” I whispered, my voice wavering with sadness. I turned my head back before opening my eyes again, only to find that my vision was blurred due to tears. I clenched my teeth in an attempt to stop them from rolling down my cheeks, but I ended up having to wipe them away. I knew that humans were weak things… But Shizu-chan was human, and now, I was weaker than him… It was obvious now…

 

I slammed the door shut, angry at myself for being so pathetic. There were far more important things I had to worry about, like Neo, but all I could do now was fall back onto the door, and slide down to my knees. I could feel myself shaking as I sobbed, and I changed my position, so that I could sit down. I brought my knees to my chest, hiding my face in between them. I lost the ability to think pragmatically… But I didn’t care about that. All I needed was a few moments to pity myself. Unlike my humans, I had never done it before, so I believed that I could be forgiven for doing it just once… I screwed my eyes shut, and kept crying for a while… I could understand why humans cried about nothing now… I didn’t take joy in knowing it, in fact… if anything, my understanding merely made me feel worse…

 

The world in which I was alone crumbled as a cold hand tapped my shoulder softly. I looked up, not bothering to wipe away my tears. I was somewhat surprised to see black hair on porcelain skin, with two drops of bright green for eyes. Just by looking, I knew who the girl was… A researcher for the Dollars, and one of the few residents of Ikebukuro who didn’t fear Shizu-chan… She was a lot like me, both physically and mentally. I’d read about her after she was suddenly chosen to work as a researcher, only a few weeks after she joined the group. She technically went to Raida, but she had only been seen on the grounds on nine occasions, despite the fact that it was already October. I knew a lot about her, but there was nothing suspicious about her, with the exception of the burn on her arm. “Akane…?” I asked in disbelief, and she nodded silently. Akane sat down in front of me, crossing her legs, as if nothing was wrong. She wore pastel pink tights, as well as a baby blue sweater, but she had big black boots, Doc Martens, by the look of them, or maybe replicas. Akane removed her hand from my shoulder, and reached into one of the three plastic bags that were beside her. She pulled out a new box of tissues, tearing the cardboard and pulling out a bundle of crisp, new tissues. She began wiping my cheeks softly with the absorbent, white sheets, smiling reassuringly. She dabbed just under my eyes, and I looked at her confusingly. “Don’t look at me like that. If anyone’s supposed to be bewildered here, it should be me… After all, you don’t usually act like this…” She offered with a high voice… She really was a lot like me.

 

Akane put the wet tissues in the bag, and then pulled out about a dozen tissues. She pried my right hand away from my own body, placed the tissues in my hand, then forced my fingers to curl around them. “Izaya Orihara… I know you just as much as you know me, and after what I just heard, I know what you’re doing now… I know what pain and sorrow are, so I can understand if you’re overcome by them now…” She offered, before putting her left hand on my cheek, which made me look up at her face. Her smile had vanished, and her face reminded me of my late sisters, which made my lip tremble. “Don’t forget why you’re doing this. Never forget why… Can you promise me that?” She asked, but I remained silent as I processed her words. “Say that you’ll never forget…! Promise it…!” Akane urged, and I nodded quickly. “I won’t forget… I promise…” I muttered, which made Akane smile cheerily. She stood up quickly, pulling my arm with surprising strength, making me stand as well. She had such a small frame… The fact that she was able to lift my 60 kilograms of dead weight had surprised me. I looked down at her, as she was far shorter than I, and she looked directly into my eyes, as if doing so would make me understand her words sooner. “Come on, stand up~~…!” She urged, holding up my weight until I stood for myself. She pushed me towards the stairs slightly, the very stairs that led to the exit. I looked down at Akane over my shoulder, but she didn’t stop pushing. “Now go…! If you want to protect Shizuo-sama, go…!” She urged, but, oddly enough, her words didn’t make me feel rejected… They made me remember why I was doing what I was. I smiled briefly at Akane, and began running. My feet would touch a step for a millisecond before gliding quickly to the next, so I was more bouncing from step to step then actually running, but I found that it was rather fast. I jumped from the fifth step, and found myself glad that my shoes had insulating soles, otherwise my legs would be killing me right about now.

 

Ugh, I was already running out of breath…

 

Shizu-chan lived on the sixth level of the eight-storey apartment, and I had just hit the floor of the second storey. I ran down to the door, and swung it open, running outside. If I knew exactly how long Shizu-chan was going to be out for… Maybe I wouldn’t be running with such urgency. Knowing how strong Shizu-chan was, however, I had to assume that the meds would get out of his system rather quickly, meaning he would wake up soon. Undoubtedly, he was going to chase me down, so I had to get as far away from him as possible. I had to get all the way to Shinjuku… If only I had my wallet… If I had my wallet, I could just get a bus, but I had to run. My throat was dry… My legs ached… I was running out of breath…

 

D****t, I really was weak.

 

Because of my weakness, I’d allowed myself to fall victim to emotions… I let that hospital blow up… Even that incident less than a year ago… The one that killed my sisters… It was all my fault…!

 

I forced myself to stop when I reached the park in Sunshine, leaning against a tree as I panted, trying to catch my breath. I was so tired… How long had I been running for…? I had no idea, but I was at the halfway point… Just a little more… and I’ll be in Shinjuku… I looked up, unsure of weather that fact made me happy or sad. I exhaled loudly before I pulled out my phone, and remained silent as I saw that I had a new message… I almost left it unread, but it was part of my job as an informant to check all my messages, in case I have a new client or such.

 

I wanted to slam my phone shut when I read who it was from.

 

It was from Celty, sent only two minutes ago. “Shizuo just ran out the front door. He’ll probably start trashing the town, and then call you. Just avoid the loud crashing sounds, I guess.” I read, and I chuckled somewhat. That was exactly what I expected from him… I looked up at the sky, literally waiting for a giant cloud of dust to appear, but I soon shook my head as I remembered the purpose of the message. I had to keep moving. With every moment I was still… Shizu-chan was still moving, trying to find me, undoubtedly. He wasn’t going to give up straight away, or even for a while… Heh, with how unpredictable he is, it was a possibility he was never going to stop trying to find me. After all, he seemed to do it back when he wanted to punch my face in.

 

I began to run again, wishing I could take my jacket off due to the heat, but I had no shirt underneath, thanks to a certain blond. I could see my loft now… In the distance…

 

I was almost at the place I didn’t want to be…

 

Away from Shizu-chan.