Overthinker

A Poem by Olivia Bant

Overthinker
I find myself stuck in a loop of analysing every detail of this situation
And that prevents me from making a decision
Or taking action

I question my choices and abilities
And that increases my anxiety and my uncertainty
Do you really love me?
I worry about how others perceive me
I worry about how YOU perceive me

I need you
Don't take my neediness for you as a simple neediness
It's fear
Damn, I'm afraid to lose you
I got too attached to you

Please, don't ignore me
Don't behave with me like I don't exist
As the day depends on the sun, my entire mood depends on how you respond to me
I am so attuned to your emotions that I noticed a change in your behavior towards me

I'm dying inside
Struggling with my mind, too much overactions
I'm tired
My heart
Controlled by my own emotions

I don't want to end up hurting you or hurting myself in the end
But I feel like it's you hurting me
I keep dwelling on what happened between us last time
Replaying all our conversations and your actions in my mind
Why I feel like I have regrets and feel so frustrated?
I imagine the worst outcomes of this situation
My love, I feel so stressed

My body manifesting the overthinking
I have headache, insomnia and fatigue
This is so overwhelming
Please, hug me
Sadness, depression, frustration, irritability
I can't even enjoy you hugging me

I constantly overanalyse our interactions
Is that the reason why we have those misunderstandings?
Am I straining our relationship?
I misinterpreted your intentions and actions
Please, forgive me
My overthinking often clouds my judgment and makes it hard for me to keep up with your good intentions

Be there
Tell me that you are not going away
I need your love and reassurance
I'm learning to let go of my fears
Everyday
I'm fighting the biggest battle against my own mind
Overthinker

© 2024 Olivia Bant

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Reviews

emmajoygreen

Such a familiar, heart-breaking cluster of thoughts.. fears! In hindsight, how sad how one can chase love with stress and doubt. Whatever is due, is due and will occur at some time. But, one learns that too late or... way forward when reality pushes home the fact that 'to live for the day and bathe in love whilst can is the law of the day, each day!'

Finely laid words, much to be said, consequently said precisely and heartfelt. Your stress and focus is perhaps spoiling what you have, too much doubt, too much missing the present gifts offered, but staring into the mirror of 'stressful fear' . Why do we/people do that? Smile and the whole world smiles with you.. weep and complain and the world scarpers for cover.. most of the time!