Chapter 5

Mother of all Mothers'

  "My mother was great. She had blue eyes; as blue as the sea! And her hair, oh her hair! Even a gentle wind would send it flying; it was a dark brown and a mix between curly and wavy. It was soft and silky and I always remember playing with it when she fell asleep."
              "Are you sure you're not gay?" I rhetorically asked.
              "What?"
              "Nothing. Please continue."
              "She smelled of apples."
              "Apples,huh?"
              "Yes, it was strange actually. Mother hated apples."
              "Then why did she let the Earth grow apples, if she hated them that much?"
       "I don't really know. All she told me was that, 'It wasn't her place.' But I didn't care. I loved her smell. It made me feel...safe."
              "Safe." I repeated, feeling the word. Something about it made me want to cry.
              "That's all I can tell you about her."
              "You don't remember?"
              "No, she died when I was young."
              "Oh, I'm sorry."
       I took a deep breath and laid my head down on the pillow. The more I got to know Angelo, the more I felt sorry for him instead of me.
              "Then how do you remember all these things?" I pushed.
              "I don't know," he replied solemnly, "I just remember."
              "Like how I remember my mother singing a lullaby?"
              "I guess."
              "Do you think I'll ever see my mother again?" I asked, suddenly sitting up. If I still had that wish--
              "Hope, things happen for a reason--"
              "You know, don't you?"
              "I can't--"
              "Give me an answer!"I barked. "If you know then tell me!"
              "Please...”
       "Please what? Angelo, she is my mother! She left without any word, and here you are keeping me from knowing if I'll ever hear her voice again! I want my mother back!" I cried, getting up and walking towards the window. I stood there with my face in my hands and sobbed. I felt Angelo place his hand on my shoulder.
              "Hope, all I can say is that your mother loved you very much and maybe because she left, she saved you."
              "How?" I asked, sniffling. My eyes searched the ground, desperately trying to distract me.
              "I don't know..."
       At that moment I heaved away his hand, and through watery eyes, I said, "You don't know anything. All you are is some stupid son from some stupid woman that probably doesn't even exist! If you are who you say you are, then why haven't I got my wish yet and why don't you know anything?! You're fake!"
       Angelo looked stunned but I didn't care. So I continued, "I was so stupid for even believing you... You're a con and a freak!" With that last part said, I shoved my way past him and ran out of the room. I didn't stop there though. I kept on running, straight out of the house, and I kept on running until I couldn't breathe. Everything was a lie and I had fallen for it. My mother was never coming back and I knew it. I should have realized it. Finally I stopped. Throwing my hands on my knees, I started to pant and cry again. I stood in the middle of the street in some neighborhood I was very keen on. If a car had come, I would have still kept on standing. Then all my problems would have been washed away. If I had die, would my mother ever feel sorry for leaving?
       When I had caught my breathe, I began to walk aimlessly. I didn't know what to do. After an hour or so, I arrived at the Setherfield Park. No one was here. But nothing mattered and so I slumped forward and sat on a bench, my head against the wood. A few yards away, a pine tree had been just planted. A memento for someone. Not even tall enough, a pair of birds inhabited it, claiming it as their home. With one eye open, I could see that there was a nest. And so I watched those birds sleep, until morning began to approach.
              
       "No, I just can't believe she would do this!" I squinted as I opened my eyes to a brightly lit room. A familiar voice came from the other room.
       "Marie! Don't hang up on me. Listen I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore. It's like she blames herself for everything that has happened between us--Well, I don't know! Maybe the facts that you left without any notice, and only now when I had to contact your mother, do you know of this! If you had at least one care in her children’s' life, maybe she wouldn't have turned out like this!"
       Slowly, getting up I treaded out of the room and against the wall of where my dad stood. His back was towards me and when I turned around my brother appeared. He looked as worried as I did. So we both stood there, holding each other, both wondering who was on the other line.
              Dad began pacing back and forth and it took all my effort to stay silent. Who was he talking to?
       "Listen, I think it's about time you show your face around here! I don't care if you have a new life, you still have your old one and you can't get rid of it!"
       And then I knew. I couldn't breath. My fingers became numb and I felt cold. My heart began to beat furiously fast; I slid softly down on the ground. Kevin crouched beside me, still holding my hand. I looked at him for any sign of help.  Although, really too young to even understand, I knew Kevin sensed panic in me. He gave me a reassuring hug.
       Was she really alive? And my father knew where she was the whole time? I stared straight ahead, letting my eyes gaze on the photos of my father, Kevin, and I. She had always been missing from the picture, but with a simple phone call, could she reappear?
              "Marie, please she needs you; desperately." Dad pleaded.
       "No, I don't." I whispered. Why had she left? And why did she refuse to be part of this family? So many questions seemed to have no answers!
       "Dad?" I asked, walking in. Looking shocked, he let the phone drop to the ground. I could her voice on the other line. "If it's alright, I want to speak with her."
              "Honey..."
              "Dad, please." Picking up the phone, he handed it to me.
              Tightly gripping it with sweaty palms and a heavy heart, I put it near my ear.
              "Hello?"
              "Who is this?!" Mom's voice asked with sudden alarm.
              "Mom, it's me." I said, shyly. I began to shake.
              "Hope?"
              "Ya, mom."
              "Where's your father?!"
              "Mom, please."
              "If he ran aw--"
       "Mom!" I interrupted harshly. I was crying now, not because I missed her but because she didn't care. This wasn't my mother. "I have the phone now and I have something very important to say." I said, trying to sound mature and grown up.
              "Okay, what?"
       "Mom, the only thing I can remember of you is your lullaby," I started, taking a deep breath, "That's all I remember. And what I'm trying to ask is...Why did you leave?! Why did you leave and never come back?! Without a goodbye or an explanation, you just left us!"
       Quieting down, I listened. All I heard was a short sigh. With no hope in my heart, I handed the phone back to dad. Softly crying, I walked out of the room. Heading to my bedroom, I heard dad call after me, running.
              "Hope, wait!" He ordered. He handed me the phone again.
              "What?" I asked.
              "You sound just like your father."
              "Huh?"
              "You try to act all grown up, yet you can't help but show who you truly are.”
       I had nothing to say to that, so she continued. "Hope, you have no clue how much I think about you all. Even if you don't believe it, it's true. I made a mistake in leaving but I can't come back."
              "Why mom? Everything can be the same!"
       "No, they can't, honey. They just can't. I have a new family now and they need me. If I were to return, I'd only impose more conflict on you guys. Plus, what do you need me for?" She half laughed, "I can tell you've taken charge of this family. I would only get in the way."
              "But mom--" I cried.
              "I know this is hard but just because things can't be back to the way they use to be, doesn't mean we can't see each other."
              "Then why didn't you visit before?"
       "I made a mistake. I should have, but in my mind, I imagined you all moved on, with a new mother and a new life. Not one, where you are all still grieving. I was wrong and I am so, so sorry."
       I didn't reply, but I didn’t need to because she began to cry. Not one of those half wit cries but a real mother-like cry. One where it made me feel like she actually missed us. Then I said, "We needed you."
              "I know that now..."

Author's Note

Rough draft