The Guitar and The Girl

Just a simple love story...

This is a love story. It is one of a boy and a girl. A boy and his guitar. A boy and his father. It's different, but I figured I would give it a try.

Lucas snapped open the first latch, then the second, and finished with the third. Each unlatched with a satisfying clicking sound. Lucas opened the case and stared longingly at his prized possession. A beautiful oak guitar laid inside. A scent filled the room. It was a scent that reminded Lucas of playing by a campfire late at night at those festivals his father used to take him to. Lucas and his dad would sit side by side and manipulate the strings to create a melody that would draw in nearby campers. Every evening, they would have a small crowd of five to eight people listening to them play. Lucas and his dad would play until exhaustion, only to wake up to play some more.

Lucas smiled fondly at the memory. A trace of sadness was in that smile. His dad had passed last year, leaving Lucas and his mom with only each other. The guitar that Lucas beheld was once his father’s guitar. He remembered that his dad would always say that music and the soul were intertwined. He knew that some part of his dad was in the guitar and every time he played, he swore that his dad was listening. Lucas took the instrument out of its case and sat down in the chair facing his window.

Lucas started to play his dad’s favorite song. It was the acoustic version of “I Miss You” by blink 182. It was a hard song to play and Lucas had yet to play it without messing up.  It was hard to get into the feel of the guitar without reminding him of his dad. The boy clipped on the capo to the second fret of the guitar and began playing. His fingers pressed down on the string as his right hand strummed and plucked them, making the strings vibrate. A sad melody filled the room, one full of heartbreak and longing. 

Lucas hit the wrong note and stopped the song. He sighed and got ready to try again when he noticed something outside of his window, which overlooked the house from across from him. Jacob Chalman’s car was parked across the street. He was probably dropping of his girlfriend, Alyssa Bruestul. The very thought of Alyssa made Lucas flush. She was his grade and he had had a crush on her since seventh grade. With chocolate brown hair and blue eyes, a sweet smile and infectious laugh, he couldn’t help falling for her. Lucas never had the courage to ask her out and she eventually hooked up with Jacob Chalman last year in the tenth grade. Lucas couldn’t believe how a girl as nice as Alyssa could date someone as moronic and rude as Jacob. It was one big stereotypical high school love story, except the guy doesn’t get the girl. After his dad died, Lucas lost all hope of ever gaining the courage to ask her.

Lucas studied the scene outside his window. He saw Alyssa get out of the car and started talking to Jacob through the driver side window. Lucas sighed and started playing the guitar. This time was different though. He was able to play pass the part he had messed up. A small smile made his way to his lips as he actually began to feel the music. Maybe it was the thought of Alyssa that had helped him or maybe it was luck, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was perfecting the song, hoping that he would be able to perform it for his mother on her birthday in two days. He knew how much it would mean to her and he was set on performing it for her.

Lucas glanced out of his window again. Alyssa and Jacob were shouting at each other now. Lucas felt the urge to open the window to hear, but that would mean he would have to stop playing. Lucas watched the couple outside the window while he still played. He was surprised that he wasn’t messing up with the lack of concentration he was giving to his playing. Lucas looked back down at his instrument and focused on hitting the right notes. Who cares if they were arguing. It didn’t mean anything. Couples argue all the time. Lucas began the chorus, the low hum of the E string filling the room. He risked a look back up at the window. The car was gone and Alyssa was sitting on the curb, in tears. Lucas almost missed the next note as he saw his crush sitting heartbroken in front of her house. This was his chance.

Lucas played the scene out in his head as his fingers still played the song, moving onto the verse, which was easy. He could comfort her. Maybe… just maybe, she would realize how great of a guy he was. Lucas felt his fingers still plucking the string as he thought of various ways he would ask her out. He focused back onto the guitar as he moved onto the guitar solo, which was the hardest part. He has never played it properly and not messed up, but somehow, the guitar sounded better than ever, as if someone was moving his fingers for him. 

Lucas hit the G note, then slid up onto the D note. He felt the hum of the guitar as if it was alive. Although he knew better, it felt like it was back in the old days, when he would play guitar with his dad. Lucas looked once more out of the window. She was still there. This was his chance. This was his moment. He felt confident that she would be his… but he had never played guitar this good. He had to practice this song for his mother. She deserved it. Yet, it wouldn’t hurt to take a break, right? But what if he lost his feel for the song? Conflicted, Lucas made his decision. He would finish the song. There were about thirty more seconds of the song left. He still had time.

Lucas finished the song, the best he had ever played, and rushed to go see Alyssa. He checked his hair on the way out. It was messy, but it didn’t matter. Lucas opened the door and stared at the empty spot where Alyssa was. He shut the door and walked back up to his room. Lucas grabbed his guitar and sat down, but he didn’t play. What had he done? He chose to play guitar instead of choosing the girl he had been crushing over for years? Lucas put the guitar away. He did not play for the rest of the day.

The next day, at school, Lucas heard rumors of what happened to Alyssa. She had cheated on JAcob with two other guys from different schools. Lucas couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. Alyssa did that? The beautiful, sweet girl he had known for four years had cheated? But the word got around fast and he could no longer deny it. No matter how much he thought he knew Alyssa, he never actually spoke to her. After school, Lucas went straight to his room and sat on the chair next to his guitar case. He sat there for a few minutes before he finally opened the case and took out the guitar. Lucas put the capo on the second fret and began to play...

Reviews

[Devansh Shekhar Shukla]

This story made me cry, a truly lovely love story...

[JayG]

Okay…you get credit for having the enthusiasm for writing and the perseverance to stick with it. And what I have to say has nothing to do with your talent how well you write, or, the story. But still, there’s a critical item that needs to be addressed if you're to transfer the story from your mind to the reader's intact.

Like everyone else, you’ve spent a lot of time perfecting your writing skills. Each school-year you’re assigned many reports and essays that help with that, while your teachers build your knowledge of the needed skills. But…

Has even one of your teachers explained why a scene on the page ends with disaster for the protagonist? How about what a scene on the page is, the elements that make it up, and, why it’s so different from one on the stage or screen? If they haven’t, what are the odds that you’ll make use of the short-term scene-goal, or address the three issues a reader needs to understand in order to have context when you write your stories?

Certainly, if you don’t (and in this story you didn’t) it’s not your fault. You can’t fix the problem that you don’t see as being one, or use the tool you’re not aware exists—especially if you’re not aware of the goal of fiction, as against that of the report. As E. L. Doctorow wisely put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Apply that to a horror story. Do you want to be told that the protagonist feels terror? Or do you want the author to terrorize YOU? Is it the knowledge or the shiver you seek? No way in hell can the nonfiction report writing skills you’re practicing every day bring that shiver Reports, like all nonfiction have a goal of providing an informational experience. So it’s fact-based and author-centric. But fiction’s goal is to provide an emotional experience. So it’s methodology is emotion-based and character-centric.

Nonfiction tells the reader of the facts:

• Lucas glanced out of his window again. Alyssa and Jacob were shouting at each other now. Lucas felt the urge to open the window to hear, but that would mean he would have to stop playing.

That’s a report, not Lucas living the event. And it comes in an emotionless voice. You can tell the reader the emotion in Alyssa’s voice, but you can’t tell them how to read your lines. Have your computer read the story aloud (an editing technique all authors should use) to hear how different what the reader gets is from what you intend.

And as another point, instead of dictating what you want Lucas to think and feel, place yourself in the story AS HIM. Put yourself into the situation: There you are, trying to perfect a piece that’s difficult to play. You're tightly focused on the music when you hear angry voices outside. And remember, “All he cared about was perfecting the song,” Can you spare the time to think about opening the window? Won’t that destroy your concentration? My point is that in life you would probably either stop playing, or note it, ignore it, and not worry about the what if's.

Presented from within the moment that Lucas calls “now,” it would probably be more like:
- - - -
The sound of angry shouting, outside made him stumble, momentarily. But for now the music had to come before Alyssa and Jacob’s argument, or anything else, so he put aside everything but the song—the perfect surprise gift for Mom’s birthday.
- - - -

Look at the difference. The reader still learns that Alyssa has had an argument, without someone who’s not in the story having to step on stage and stop the action to explain.

We learn, without having to have it explained, how dedicated he is to his music. That’s character development. We learn why he’s so focused and what he plans, which removes the need for the line explaining his plan to play for Mom that came from the author.

Notice the sequence. The shouting causes him to notice it, lose focus and stumble. That motivates him to weigh the importance of what he’s hearing. Is he thinking about those two dating, their relationship, or the things you explained as the narrator? No. He’s focused on that matters to him, so he notes it’s them (and will understand why she’s crying, later) and refocuses on what matters TO HIM in the moment of "now.' And story is not told in overview, it happens in real-time, within that "now."

The reader knows that your having mentioned who’s arguing will have later importance, and so will be wondering why they were mentioned, and…will turn the page to find out. Do that on every page and they’re with you till they reach, “The end.” Fail to do it on any page and that’s where they stop reading.

At the moment, as you’ve been taught, you’re reporting and explaining. But that carries a hazard. Because you already know the story you’ll leave out the details obvious to you but necessary for a reader. Look at line one:

• Lucas snapped open the first latch, then the second, and finished with the third.

Latch of what? You know. Lucas knows. But who did you write this for? That reader has no clue of where we are in time and space, what’s going on, or whose skin they wear. Lacking that, they’ve read 14 words but know nothing meaningful. Suppose, though, you’d stated it as:

Lucas laid the case on his desk and snapped open the latches.

In 12 words we know where we are, who we are, and what’s going on. Do we care how many latches the case has? Of course not. Why does trimming words matter? Because the fewer words you use to say the same thing the faster it reads. And the faster it reads the more impact it has on the reader.

• Each unlatched with a satisfying clicking sound

Unless I know why it satisfies, I can only conclude that he sits there latching and unlatching all day because it’s satisfying. Not what you meant, but it is what you said.

As you read this you know who he is, all about his past, his desires and needs, and everything that would make the line meaningful. So for you, each line points to images, detail, history, and more, stored in your mind. The reader? For them, each line points to images, detail, history, and more, stored in *YOUR* mind. And with you not there to ask…

• Lucas opened the case and stared longingly at his prized possession.

In all his life, Lucas has never looked at his “prized possession.” He sees that guitar. So this isn’t him living the story. It’s someone neither on the scene nor in the story, talking about it. No way that can seem real.

Here’s the deal: All professions are learned IN ADDITION to the “Three R’s” we’re given in school. Your teachers aren’t giving you any professional skills. They’re giving you a set of general skills that your future employers will find useful. In the case of writing it’s the ability to write reports and essays. Will you be able to write a screenplay or work as a journalist when you graduate? Of course not. But somehow, we all recognize that we’re not learning the skills of those professions, yet assume that we are being given what’s needed to write fiction. In reality, on your graduation day you will be exactly as well trained to remove an appendix as to write a novel. Luckily for you friends, you realize that medicine takes more and don't indulge in amateur medicine.

Fiction-Writing is a profession, and not all that easy a profession to master. But still, every successful writer stood where you do now. And you know something now that the majority of hopeful writers never learn. So…

Some suggestions:

First, to get a better feel for how different the approach to writing fiction is from the skills you now own, check a few of the articles in my writing blog. They’re meant for the hopeful writer—not as a teaching tool but to give a feel for the issues unique to the profession.

Then I suggest one of two books to start with, both downloadable:

Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict is a warm easy read—a gentle introduction to the profession, while at the same time, one of the best books on the subject I’ve found. You can download it in PDF format here:
https://b-ok.org/book/2476039/ac87b9

The best book I’ve found to date, and also the book that resulted in my first novel contract, is Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. Dwight was one of Deb’s teachers. But it’s a university level text, and because he goes so deeply into the why’s of the field it can be a bit dry and scholarly in spots. To download itt, use the leftmost of the three buttons (the one in Russian) to select the format your reader requires.
https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea

So dig in. The techniques of writing fiction are more than just a skill to learn and then use. It’s a journey, one that lasts a lifetime. And while we never do fully master it, with time and study, after a while, we do become confused on a higher level.

So hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[ItStaredBack]

Thanks man