I, Cassidy Raines, am lost. I have no idea who I am and even less of an idea of who I want to become. I’m nothing like my family, which just makes it that much harder to figure myself out. I try to spend as little time as possible around my parents, which is probably why right as summer came, they decided it was time to “bond”, whatever that means. Sure, I love my parents, it’s hard not to. My dad is the sweetest man I know but he’s so…oblivious to life around him. He’s a scientist; he does something with DNA and tweaking our genetic make-up. I think the reason our dog disappeared is because it was a clone-gone-bad experiment, but dad just claims he ran away. My mother on the other hand is a teacher, a plain old boring math teacher. I hate math and science. Sometimes I purposefully get an F on my first quarter progress report just to piss off my parents. The only drag is racing to make all the work up to pull an A out by the end of the year. I’m not an only child, but I might as well be. My brother, Robert, is 22 and finishing school so he can become a rocket scientist. No joke, that’s what he wants to be, a rocket scientist for NASA. I couldn’t be more different than my family. I’m for sure the sex-crazed black sheep around here. I’m pretty sure my parents only had sex twice. Once for both my brother & I. My brother, well, I know for a fact he’s never gotten laid because just last week he phoned me asking what a blow job was. My 22 year old brother asked his 17 year old sister about sex. Yes, he’s definitely never gotten laid.
Anyway, my parents had this bright idea the day after school ended. I was getting ready to leave and meet my boyfriend, Jason, for lunch when my parents appeared in my doorway. I was putting on my makeup in the mirror when I noticed them, standing there looking really concerned. I turned around, instantly thinking my brother must have blown up during some experiment.
“Cassy, sweetie, can we sit and talk with you?” My father was holding my mother’s hand while she bit her lip to keep from…crying?
“Sure dad, what’s up?” I pulled my knees up to my chest. Reflex reaction to when I sense bad news coming. Mom and Dad came in, sat on my bed and each took a few good deep breaths. Okay, I was really worried now. Maybe Robbie did blow up. God, I wonder if they found all the pieces? If not, would they just cremate what they found? Or would they put him in a box? I pushed away my morbid thoughts and tried focusing.
“Cassy, your mother and I have been talking…” Uh oh, the sex-talk again?! “And we would think it would be best for our family if we spent some quality time together. We feel like we don’t know who you are anymore, you’re always with Jason. You’re leaving in a year to attend any college you want. All we ask is that you agree to spend some time with us.” I tried to bite back a laugh, but a small gargled sound escaped.
Mom exploded into a full on crying episode and croaked, “Oh thank you sweetie, I’m glad you feel the same as me!” Wait, whoa, hold your horses! What was she talking about? I stared at her waiting for some explanation. Instead I just decided to agree for this whole “quality time” business so I could hurry up and see Jason already. After I shooed my crying mother & consoling father out of my room I called Jason.
“Hey babe, what’s happening? Where you at girl?” Jason’s scruffy voice echoed in my ear making me heart twitter.
“Hey honey, the ‘rents just held some sort of communication intervention with me. I’ll be down there in 10, I’m just now leaving.” I grabbed my coat and started running down the stairs, skipping the last few to take a flying leap out the door.
“Alright whatever you say. I’ll just grab a table.” Jason hung up before I could say anything else. Sometimes he was such a jerk, but at least I had someone even if I was completely miserable most the time. I trotted down the walk to my 2003 Honda Civic my lovely parents bought me last year as a birthday present and hopped in. Cartel’s “Say Anything(Else)” hit my ears at full blast as I reversed out of the driveway. I drove down my clean-cut suburban neighborhood and noticed how once again no one in my neighborhood seemed to be alive. They were all tucked nicely in their homes or gone for the summer. I’ve lived in the same house in Orange County my entire life. We’re rich, why wouldn’t we live here? Our house was 4 bedrooms, 3 bath and 4 huge other “sitting” rooms, but 2 of them are dad’s space for his at home experiments. I try to never enter those rooms; they always smell like formaldehyde and remind me of dissecting crickets in science class.
I pulled into Pete’s Pizza and saw Jason sitting at a window table. There was a flock of girls around him as usual and he was doing nothing to shoo them away, even when I came through the door, the bells ringing loudly. I waved to him while he just did that upwards nod guys do to their buddies. Oh, so now I’m just his buddy?
“Hey honey.” I squeezed past one of the girls who were swooning over his “luscious dark chocolate hair.” Gag. If you’re that hungry just grab a doughnut next door and leave my boyfriend’s hair alone. I plopped a bigger kiss than necessary in a G-rated place at this, but I wanted to let these girls know I was Jason Parker’s one and only girlfriend. After I took my seat across from Jason the flock of s***s finally left, leaving just me and Jason’s pissed off expression.
“What the hell was that for? Are you jealous again?” Jason pounded his fist on the table, making our water glasses jump.
“Jason, you know it makes me feel insecure when all those skinny, no-boobed freaks lust over you.” I sighed, preparing myself for another Jason meltdown.
“Insecure! That’s all you ever are! When will you realize you’re dating the hottest guy in the town? That alone should make you feel pretty f*****g secure!” Jason had had enough and left me at the booth. I watched him through the glass as he burned out of the parking lot.
“You know, I’m going to have to ask you two to stop coming here if all you’re going to do is fight. I can’t keep re-paving that lot you know.” I looked up to find Mr. Pete himself smiling down on me. “You deserve much better sweetie, you know that don’t you?”
“Yes Pete, but Jason’s…”
“Jason’s different. Yes, yes, I’m pretty sure you say that every time. You’d make a great defense lawyer you know, just a thought.” Pete took the extra water glass and gave me a can of cola. I stuck a straw into it and started slurping. Today was turning into another day where I sit and feel sorry for myself at Pete’s Pizza. Joy, every girl’s big dream.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Nah, feel free. I’m just wallowing in self-pity.” I looked up to the voice to see a boy about my age smiling shyly. He sat across from me, looking me up and down.
“So, how do I look? Well-done or a little on the raw side?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be droolin’ over you like a slab of meat. I just couldn’t help but notice you’re really pretty, even more so up close.” He cheeks flushed a crimson color as his eyes twinkled just a bit.
“Well, thank you Mr. Stalker. But I best be going now, my parents want to spend some quality time together.” I got up to leave and threw a five on the table.
“Wait. Can I get your number?”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Oh, well, can I give you mine?” He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled down his digits.
“Do I have a choice?” I took the paper from him and shoved it in my purse. “Later.”
“Later, if you need me, I’m just a call away.”
“Sure.” I left Mr. Stalker where he was and climbed into my car. Cartel picked up again as I headed back home, I just let myself be consumed the lead singer’s voice. When I pulled into my driveway I burst into unexpected tears. Why is it that a perfect stranger treated me better than my boyfriend of a year and a half? It just wasn’t fair. Maybe it was time to break up? I sure wasn’t happy. But then I’d be alone. I didn’t have that many friends; I lost my few close ones once I started ditching them to hang out with the very demanding Jason. I didn’t want to be alone; it was a really crappy feeling.
I was startled by my father tapping on my window.
“Sweetie? Are you alright?” My father was bending down, peering inside. My mother was behind him, packing the car.
“Yeah, yeah…” I started wiping my eyes dry and got out of the car. “What’s going on, you two leaving on a trip?” My parents looked back and forth at each other. My dad nodded.
“We all are. Tonight we’re leaving for the beach house we rent every year. Only this time you’re coming with us.”
“What?! What do you mean? You mean the beach house up north? The crappy one?”
“I wouldn’t call it crappy darling, it’s very nice. And it’s in a nice small beach town.”
“The water isn’t even warm!”
“But its beautiful and quiet.” My father took my hand. “And it won’t really matter, we’re spending some time together, remember you promised?”
My mouth fell open, trapped! They trapped me and they knew it. There was no use fighting with them. I had to see Jason before I left. Maybe he would come visit me.
“Let me go to Jason’s. I want to see him before we leave.” My mother smiled and dragged my father inside behind her. God, just what I wanted. To be stuck in a crap-tastic beach town with cold mornings and cold nights. The beach was supposed to be like ours, warm and sunny 90% of the day.
I arrived at Jason’s relieved that his car was parked out front. He answered the door but didn’t open it enough to be inviting me in.
“Hey Jason, look. Remember how my parents held that little communication intervention this morning?” He nodded. “Well, apparently that meant that I’m leaving to go north with them for the summer. I’m not sure how long, but by the way they’re packing it’s a long time.”
Jason leaned against the door and crossed his arms. “So?”
“So… so I was just saying goodbye until I get back.”
“Wanna have some fun before you leave?” His lips pulled into that smile he gets before he wants to have sex. He grabbed my belt loops and pulled me into an intense kiss. We walked up stairs together and flopped on his bed. While he stripped off his jeans I leaned over into his nightstand for a condom.
“Do we have to?” Jason stopped undressing and stared at me.
“You know I had to go off my birth control. So yes, we do.” I tossed the condom at him and he didn’t even try to catch it. Instead he slid up next to me & started kissing my neck.
“But what if I don’t cum? I can pull out, I know my limit with you.” His hand slid underneath my shirt and under my bra.
“Jason…”
“Ssshhh, trust me.”
And so, I did. I was on bottom while Jason pounded away. He was a lot rougher than in times before, perhaps he’d forgotten what el natural had felt like. I wasn’t into it as much as I had before; I kept having flashbacks to Mr. Stalker from Pete’s Pizza. Definitely not a good sign I was thinking of other guys during sex. I was so caught up in feeling guilty that I didn’t notice Jason speeding up until he stopped, thrust three good times and collapsed on top of me. I stared at the speckled cieling, horrified.
“Jason? Jason, what the f**k? Are you serious?” I started hitting him, trying to get up from underneath him. He rolled over.
“Sorry, I guess I forgot.” Jason’s eyes were closed and he looked extremely smug. “You know, I was thinking earlier Cassy, I think we should break up.”
“What?! Break up, Jason, seriously! What the f**k!?” I got up and ran to his mother’s bathroom. I searched her medicine cabinet for anything that might help. I found a d****e and decided to try and figure out that. I stared at the instructions for 5 min before giving up.
I stormed back into Jason’s room and he stood completely dressed. He tossed me my clothes as he walked by me.
“Have a nice summer Cassy. I’ll see you when school starts.” 5 min went by until I heard him pulling out of his driveway. I stared, mortified at what had just happened. I managed to get dressed after a half an hour crying my eyes out. When I pulled into my driveway, it was dark and my parents were waiting outside.
“Cassy! We missed out flight! Where have you been, we’ve called your cell at least a dozen times!” My father yanked me out of my car, and I looked at my mother. Her face went from livid to concerned.
“Oh Cassidy, baby, what happened?” She came forward and pulled me into a warm hug. I broke down again, crying all over. My father wrapped his arms around my mother and I and kept saying that everything would be alright. But would it? I was all alone. I had no friends, and now no boyfriend. It didn't matter that I didn't love Jason, but he was company. He made me feel like I knew myself. But now, I didn't. When he walked out that door, he broke my heart and stole my identity. I was wishing I could believe my dad. Would anything ever be okay for me? I was starting to think not.
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