I Saw You Once More

Tonight I've dreamt of you again for the first time since the night of the day we first spoke. In this dream everything was that which it isn't. Everything was more optimistic than realistic...and despite my pessimism manifesting as skepticism, I was fine with it.

In this dream we saw each other for exactly who we both are. We knew our personalities were different but not dissimilar enough to keep us from falling in love. For we proceded to do so.

In this dream, you looked into my eyes and knew I sometimes cried. You knew the tears haven't exactly disappeared, but at the moment they weren't here. And you were fine with it. I looked into your eyes and realized your best feature was your ability to smile in hopes of inspiring me to do the same.

In this dream, our friends became mere associates. We spent too much time fulfilling every unfinished endeavor of our own...together...to have time to spend with people who weren't in love  like us.

In this dream, I was no longer able to fear the pending end of relationships because I knew I'd never have to search for someone to be with again.

In this dream, I saw life for what it really is and nearly cried in your arms.

In this dream, we spoke just as we did while awake, but face to face. We lied blanketed in the security of each other's company and laughed at the moon's ugly face. You make a joke about being apart and kiss me to reassure you're only playing.

In this dream, I woke up every day of my life contemplating the realism of my life and couldn't imagine it without you. I often asked you to pinch me to make sure it was real...but instead we made love each time...leaving me certain that bliss like this couldn't be thought up by me alone...dreaming or awake.

But alas, this dream was soaked in the umpromising poison of hallucinated destinies. I dreamt it. THe fact that I dreamt it doesn't hurt so much as knowing it is what should have been. That this dream wasn't a mere nights fantasy, that it was just as close to reality as what I actually have to go through every day. I still see your face awake, purposely and unintentionally. In either case, I find it hard to stop the images of us loving, touching, embracing, and enjoying each other. I find it hard to believe that for any reason...for any wrongdoing...for any impulse of evil I couldn't previously subdue...for any harm I have inflicted...that I deserve this. That I deserve to simply not have what should be mine. Who are you to keep you from me? Just another human being...thats all. Well so be it.

This is my way of telling you that I'm sorry I couldn't be everything to you right when you needed it because I couldn't even tell you I needed you at the time. So goodbye.