What Love may do

Short poem about two lovers who are kept apart, but still in love

The wind ran through

Her dark long hair

and the mountains echoed

around her.

He sat inside

Staring out at the lawn

and the world moved on

around him.

They gazed at the moon

from their sides of the country

and let time slip by

around them.

The world keeps spinning

yet closer they come

and energy burns

around them.

Author's Note

I went for repetition here, but I'm not sure if it worked as intended

Reviews

[D.T.]

Really good poem and I like the imagery. And the repetition did well. It helped make the poem better. Good job!

[Nadia B.]

Your use of repetition was very effective as it tied the poem together, you introduced your first character in the first stanza, your second character in the second stanza and then how they yearn for each other in the last two stanza's. It is a perfectly written poetic story. Keep writing!

[Isobel Moon]

wow, thanks so much. I really appreciate the feedback :)

[Willard Wells]

Absent or distant love can be painful. Your expression of that absence is prevalent in this work. Thank you for sharing

[Isobel Moon]

thanks so much for the review, the fact that you take the time to do this means a lot

[Willard Wells]

I was happy to read it.

[Perkele.7885]

REMINDS ME RUNNING BEAR! I am wait for the both them to dive into the river.

[AaronFreitas]

This is a very good write Isobel! I like the flow and the imagery you provided with where they are. Nice work!

[Isobel Moon]

Thanks for the review!

[Coyote Poetry]

A nice place you took the reader. Good to find safe place and good company. I like the flow of thoughts leading to the very good ending. Thank you for the excellent poetry. Your poetry is very good. Flowed with skill and you can tell a story.
Coyote

[Isobel Moon]

Thank you very much :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[KanaDream]

It's very good. The repetition adds to the tone of the poem. It slows everything down like a movie in slo-mo for the climax. I also like the 'her' 'him' and then together, together. It's beautiful. ^^ Keep Dreaming

[Isobel Moon]

Thank you, your review means a lot

[Relic]

I like it a lot. The repetition works for me because the poem is short and not drawn out. Also the meter is not perfect but it is rhythmic and flows well. The picture you suggest is clear and there are no ambiguities in what you are suggesting. There's almost a statement without saying so directly which is so important in poetry. They long for each other and that energy will one day fuse them together again in the future. "They gazed at the moon from their side of the country." That is the link for me. Great poem. Keep writing.

[Isobel Moon]

Thank you for your review!

[Misery]

Your poem seems to be about two people who are apart but they are coming closer.
"yet closer they come"
Was that your intent, to show that the distance between them is dwindling?

[Isobel Moon]

Thank you for your review. Yes, it is something like love is bringing them closer even though the world is keeping them apart

[Misery]

I understand. The energy of love. A very nice creation.