I wish I could write pretty love words

some one told me that grief comes in waves - if that’s true than I am drowning.

it stands proud
sleek beautiful form
who knew a bottle could
be so poetic.

I liked how I felt
I was a better person - this way
not so depressing to be around
somehow more open ...

hell, I could stir fry in heels
little one over my shoulder
while playing go fish with the other
hale gleaming top to bottom
laundry folded neatly

when you’re on your way
from sober to tipsy
I justify this place - a sweet spot of sorts
because I am a responsible mom (after all)
to become anymore intoxicated was (is) not acceptable
what would the other moms think?

then you became a microscope
magnifying each flaw in the small hours
a best friend who treated me like s**t
but I latched on to you
each morning reviewing the day before

it didn’t shatter
the illusion - that I was coping
it was a gradual reveal
you know like one of those reality tv weight loss shows - but more s**t.
like the day I forgot to pick him up from kindergarten ...

I was in a perpetual state of negotiation
just one more ...
the buzz was temporary
like your presence

I wish I could write pretty love words
to remember you
to honor you my love
but you left me with a life I do not want -
with.out.you
with children who deserve far better
than me

I wish I could have written pretty love words
but I am empty

like this bottle.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is an intense piece of writing! I was torn to shreds, feeling the anguish of the narrator, as well as the possible damage done to the young lives she may trample. In many ways, this poem expresses the reason I never had kids. I would've been this kind of mom, good in many ways, but too deeply flawed to feel okay about having kids. Your writing includes a ton of the kinds of details I'm always clamoring for, from the newer writers. You throw out one detail from real life & it's popping in the reader's brain, filling in the picture, so that few words produces a ton of imagery. Then there's another detail & another . . . each one popping into a bigger scenario, recognizable yet fresh. (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Got this impression of you holding Skipper tossing fish into the air now.
I would like to think a good kindergarten would keep the kid for the night. I always got left in shops, think mummy was trying to tell me something.
That bottle will fill up again someday, Issy.

[Island Hippy]

Haha ... many aloha Paul only you would respond like this. I appreciate it very much. It’s hard to imagine right now but I know it will be full again. Many mahalo x

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

this is beautiful
i love the way you write you make the reader think and think and see things.
Julie

[Island Hippy]

Appreciate your time. Mahalo

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Oh my dear friend, it hurts my heart and soul to read your poem and feel your suffering. But how +could you not suffer and be angry? You have to ease your pain in order to funtion, to live, to do all that you have to do alone with two small tykes. Your poem is so honest, and you are so vulnerable now my Ohana- sister. Your words bleed from you. The bottle tempts- but brings only one moment’s dangerous peace. “But you left me with a life I do not want-with.out.you.”- such a heartbreaking line- final, a weakening blow to the very core of you. You make me feel it, reel from it, too. Mourning, grief, despair, fear, overwhelming loss are what your words convey. I wish I could help you. I am your ohana ,always. I am here for you, always. Xo.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha my ohana, it’s ok and honestly you have been so encouraging and kind, that helps so much. It has been a hell of a time and I’ve not coped too well, some of my decisions have been terrible ohana and I feel a sense of shame for it. In one of your messages you encouraged me to write, that it would help and though it felt taxing to write at times writing this helped me even though I think it’s ugly and confronting. It helped. With Skipper it’s felt like I didn’t have the time to mourn because all of a sudden she was here .... and Lani was gone so I just had to get on with it. You know? Sorry I went on. We are ohana always. YES! Aloha and many mahalo xxx

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You got this my ohana! Xo

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is so powerful...the emptiness when a love is now gone...whether by intention or loss of life...
and we turn to that demon to rectify our heart's longing....
and things just get worse...great ending to this...just like this bottle...we feel emptied of emotion, drained.
well done, Izzy,
j.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha jacob, I appreciate your understanding. Is a loss I am still grieving. Many mahalo

[Coyote Poetry]

Love song and poetry come lately. I have 50 journals of poetry and story. Love poetry were rare young. maybe we appreciate love later.
" wish I could have written pretty love words
but I am empty
like this bottle."
I do understand the above lines. Thank you dear friend for sharing your amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Island Hippy]

Aloha John, thank you dropping by. Many mahalo my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Izzy

'then you became a microscope
magnifying each flaw'

the support and understanding you needed were not there, so you found a replacement which had consequences even more difficult.

Your lines are hard hitting, and I know others who have been in that place. The whole feel about this piece is one of wretchedness. Who can write love poems when they feel like that?

I have missed your presence here. If this is about you, then I send you healing vibes. All good wishes.

Chris

[Island Hippy]

Aloha dear Chris, many mahalo I gratefully receive your healing vibes my friend x

[emmajoy]

Whatever you write, my dear wee darling, has both the fragility and power of a true poet. Your words empty emotions that perhaps take the place of ones not truly present or are deeply cut into places where they shouldn't be. This isnt 'angst', this is a desperation that comes from sadness.. it's cathartic, courageous and more - far more. Tis allowed, tis permissable.. tis a torrent of rain gradually washing away... whatever. Will you share, please.

[Island Hippy]

Many mahalo Em, has been a challenging month, and I miss Lani so much. Still. It did help writing this - cathartic, ae. Tis ugly and confronting. Things will be better. Aloha nui from the 3 of us x