The killing floor

my soul cried
such a sweet thing

like lambs
to slaughter.

you command
the killing floor

your tongue cutting
me down to size

while I am left
a bloody mess

a heart, out
side it's body

still waiting for
you to notice me.

Reviews

[matrixmark]

your tongue cutting
me down to size
Just the above 2 lines were felt more brutal than any of the others, Showing that mental pain is sometimes far worse than any physical pain.

Mark.

[Island Hippy]

Mahalo Mark

[matrixmark]

ʻaʻole pilikia

Mark.

[Island Hippy]

........ :)

[matrixmark]

olioli iho la ia i oe maliu oluolu mai la

:-)

Mark.

[Mayank Chaudhari]

"still waiting for
you to notice me."
Superb line...

[Island Hippy]

Thank you very much Mayank.

[Mayank Chaudhari]

You're welcome. 😊

[Lorry]

This piece I thought would be brutal, judging by the title, but to me it is so soft and innocent, perhaps knowing you have moved from being an equal, to seeing that equality slip from your grasp, or perhaps stolen. I think we can all relate to this in so many ways that are as personal to the writer as they are to the reader.
Really thoughtful write.

[Island Hippy]

Oh my gosh what a lovely review, incredibly thoughtful and well said. Thank you very much! and thanks so much for being my friend too.

[Lorry]

You're welcome :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Great lines in the poem😉 lovely work

[Island Hippy]

Thank you very much

[mercy party]

"you command the killing floor"
that line is great. A harsh brutal feel that actually conveyed a vulnerable message by the end line.
It's like, what the hell can i do?

[Island Hippy]

I was listening to Hubert Sumlin's version of the killing floor when I penned this. I like your review, really on point. Thank you Mercy Party.

[APOORVA]

loved it.
a voice of a scratched heart

[Island Hippy]

Hi thanks so much for your review.