Bathtime

They couldn't blame him. After all, he was only four. There was just something about the bathtub that Gabriel detested. He didn't hate the water, or refuse to be clean. Rather, quite the opposite, Gabriel loved cleanliness. His pale, freckled face was always tinted red from vigorous scrubbing, and his wispy, brown hair, frizzy, from constant washing.  What terrified Gabriel to no extent, was the murky, unceasing water that lay below him in the bathtub. Being a small and intelligent child, Gabriel often pondered the existence of creatures unseen to most. Countless times, he had seen these unusual beasts floating about during his bath. Strange lights often glowed from the depths of the tub. Scaly animals with long, wavy tails stung the tips of his fingers. Rough, spongy creatures stuck to the sides of the bathtub. On a good night, his favorite, watery friend would make an appearance. A large fish-like creature with incredibly long whiskers and a broad head. What made this beast beautiful, however, was its large, silver, mirror-like scales, that reflected the tub lights. The iridescence shown off of Gabriel's wet skin, giving him the fish's appearance. The lustrous creature gracefully made it's way around Gabriel before flowing away. Gabriel dove deeper into the bathtub. He only dared to swim so far into the vastness of the tub. Just as the water became unbearably dark, a tiny light shown briefly in Gabriel's eyes. He tentatively reached out into the darkness, attempting to catch the light. Gabriel shivered out of fright and uncontrollable excitement. His fingers met the smooth body of the fish. Feeling the overlapping scales, Gabriel smiled beneath the water. He had never been so close to the creatures that shared his bath. Maybe, not all of them are scary. Out of oxygen, Gabriel made his way to the top of the tub, disappointed he couldn't stay longer. He took a long breath, as he listened to the door quietly open. It was his mother, and the beasts quickly fled, diving deeper and deeper into the depths of the tub. Bath time was over.

Author's Note

Just a a quick little story. What do you think of the writing style? Does this story make sense? Is it too boring?

Reviews

[Ov3R_sKiLl3D]

its a good writing.... enjoyed reading it ......
keep writing :)

[Marie]

I like the writing style; I like the description of Gabriel as he takes his bath with the creatures. But there seems to be a contradiction. I don't understand why he fears the water, yet wants to be close to these strange creatures.

I rather like Anto's suggestion.

[ANTO]

Its cute and makes perfect sense - but you could have left out any references to him being four or being in the bathtub tight til the end - the reader may have pictured a dep sea diving crew in the depths of the sea and then - at the very end you do a 'reveal' e.g. But bathtime for four year old Gabriel was over for tonight - you know like that.
HTH

[Isla Rae]

That's an incredible idea! Thank you so much, I'll definitely work on it!

[ANTO]

no problems - :)

[Isla Rae]

Hello Marie! Thank you so much for your thoughts! I see the contradiction as well, and I'll work on that too. I suppose, in a small defense, we rather enjoy things that make us scared sometimes.