Popping Pink Balloons

Erm.

 

Is numbness really a feeling? It feels like a feeling, but maybe it’s supposed to be a lack of feeling. Or maybe I’m not really numb, just…misaligned?

 

 

I kinda want to be happy. I was happy, you know, a couple of days ago. Sickeningly happy, sweetly happy, happy in the way that a 5-year-old is happy before her ice cream melts and her pink balloon pops.

 

 

That’s what I was waiting for, you know, after I figured out what that weird, “high” feeling was. I was waiting for the balloon to pop. And it did. Big old ‘pop!’, the kind of pop that scares puppies and makes babies cry. Big, mean ‘pop!’ and there went the happy feelings.

 

 

So, now I’m numb again, or misaligned, whatever it’s called. Kinda out of phase with the rest of the world. Kind of a ghost, I guess, or a shell. Not really human, not really demon, not really angel, just…kinda there, in between all the above, option D, final answer. I feel a little more human some days, and a little devilish other days. I only feel angelic on certain days. Like a couple of days ago.

 

 

I hate sugary, happy feelings as much as I wish I could feel them more. I hate people who are happy all the time and smiling and looking at me and grinning and saying “What a great day this is!” “What wonderful weather we’re having!” I kinda want to punch them, knock them down, pull out their hair, kick them, and then again, I want to ask why the hell they’re so happy. Maybe it’s being part of some elite club that makes people happy. “The Happy Club” or something, or maybe it’s some other secret.

 

 

Damn, I want to be happy. I want the pain and anger and bitterness (god I want to kill that woman) to just go away, slip down the drain, flush down the toilet. Maybe there’s some kind of happiness Drano. “Happino! Send all your cares down the- *flush*”

 

 

I’ll have to check the shelves next time I go to the hardware store. Maybe it’s with the dog toys.

 

Reviews

[*Kantola*]

Interesting emotional piece!
I've felt like this for a while. So numb, and feeling emotionless. Just like a walking robot. BLARGH how I hate that feeling!
If you ask Elemiah, I act happy-ish, peppy, BLAH. I act like that so no one asks me, "are you doing okay?". I guess it's an... I want to be mature and dont want people to care for me type thing.
Good write, it made me think about my own feelings, etc. :D
I mean.... 'T_T'