Before Leaving

This is a very old poem. For a friend who left me alone in this world without notice.

 

I’ve left my poetry

On the desk

but kept

The impact uncovered

 

I’ve left our letters

 near the book shelf

and erased the dates and addresses

 

The balcony is open

the breeze is balanced

The armchair’s vacant for you

 

I’ve made your favorite meat preparation

but I’m sorry

If it’s become a touch cold by now

 

I’ve preserved our first night

Over the bed sheet

and it’s

Looking as good as new

 

I’ve trapped our promises 

in poor English, French, Russian, Marathi

Between the secret lines of my diary

 

I’ve kept our fights and stalemates

in the cupboard

But forgive me

I haven’t left any money

 

Before leaving

I locked my cancer

In the box which contains my ashes

 

Just dispose it carefully

Before you prepare to die.

Author's Note

I know you might feel this is very immature compared to my usual works.
This was written when I was 15. And for a very close friend. Many observations are between her and me, hence they might sound meaningless to you. Bear with me.

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

Whenever you post these older works and say they are immature in comparison I wish I could show you how they look from my point of view. While you have surely grown, I think most 15 year-olds couldn't write like this. I know I didn't. There is something very different in your style, and this shows you had it even that early. These observations don't sound meaningless, I feel that there is a lot of meaning seeping out of it. The reader just needs to reach out and grasp it.

[Samuel Dickens]

When I lost a schoolmate at about that age, it affected me more strongly, at least in some ways, than any other death ever has. We're very sensitive and malleable when young. No, it's not immature at all--it's just real.

[An owl on the moon]

There is an honest tenderness in the way you've expressed this separation. Some of the last lines pierced me deeply: "Before leaving I locked my cancer in the box which contains my ashes." A powerful glimpse of life letting go in pain.