Is That You?

For a lost friend.

____________________________________________

 

That’s you

Ravaging in the streets

Cold as a morning whisper

Dead and novel

Raped by the false trap of eternity

Because life gave you

Nothing but infected skies and decayed walls

To hang your goals and mistakes on

 

We all

Cried in this same country

Exchanged gifts as a ritual

Treated each festival as routine

Spoke about our brittle marriage with faith

Clapped after each failure

With static eyes and unfinished sentences

 

That’s you

Lost in your own epilogue

A strange aftermath

A creature thrown onto a wall

Maybe only a reason to be withdrawn

From the usual pangs of reality

 

That’s you

Fittingly in the streets

Vanishing like the smoke of a factory

 

A spot of dust in a see-through atmosphere.

 

Reviews

[Mike Espinosa]

This is a pretty cool poem. Your emotions really showed through this.The second to last line "Vanishing like a the smoke of a factory" needs to be edited. I think you just need to ditch the 'a,' but I'm not 100% on how you want to change it. Other than that, this poem is pretty good. Great job.

[deeps]

This is wonderful, I really enjoyed this it was interesting.

[Haifa]

Good writing, well done.

[alesuriko]

Intensely vivid. You can feel every word of this poem. The atmosphere and the tone drag you in whether you like it or not and you become trapped there, forced to read every word and experience all the imagery. It's dark, it's well written, wonderful job. This is a brilliant piece.

[indieRokker]

A haunting piece, there is an ample amount of imagery flaring from this piece. A daunting imagery you portrayed grown from a seed of emotions. You write such powerful poetry that convey so much meanings in itself, even if not intended to mean more.

A beautifully haunting piece,
indie♥

[Sam Severn]

Your imagery is cinematic, n' outstanding! Verse 1 is my favorite, especially "Because life gave you/Nothing but infected skies and decayed walls/To hang your goals and mistakes on"....that is SUCH GORGEOUS WRITING!! ㋡

[B0Beauxs]

I really adore the brutal imagery you've used so well here.

You write in your own original style, and are always amazing with imagery.

Another excellent poem.

[Sara]

love it, a dark and brooding poem, you write almost like a modern-day Poe, lacing this through with contemporary disillusionment... it's angsty without being melodramatic, and your talent definitely gives it a sense of sophistication.... good job.

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

Sad, powerful, haunting, and at the same time beautiful.

"Because life gave you nothing but infected skies and decayed walls"

This line burned into my consciousness as I read it. I just leaps off the page with brutal honesty. An honesty that belongs to many. Excellent!

~True

[Brokensoul]

some words and phrases are excruciating. and there there is hard reality enclosed in the lines. There is sarcasm laced and it makes the images so vivid. All I can say is Wow !