Is That You?

For a lost friend.

____________________________________________

 

That’s you

Ravaging in the streets

Cold as a morning whisper

Dead and novel

Raped by the false trap of eternity

Because life gave you

Nothing but infected skies and decayed walls

To hang your goals and mistakes on

 

We all

Cried in this same country

Exchanged gifts as a ritual

Treated each festival as routine

Spoke about our brittle marriage with faith

Clapped after each failure

With static eyes and unfinished sentences

 

That’s you

Lost in your own epilogue

A strange aftermath

A creature thrown onto a wall

Maybe only a reason to be withdrawn

From the usual pangs of reality

 

That’s you

Fittingly in the streets

Vanishing like the smoke of a factory

 

A spot of dust in a see-through atmosphere.

 

Reviews

[Mike Espinosa]

This is a pretty cool poem. Your emotions really showed through this.The second to last line "Vanishing like a the smoke of a factory" needs to be edited. I think you just need to ditch the 'a,' but I'm not 100% on how you want to change it. Other than that, this poem is pretty good. Great job.

[topsyturvy]

Wow, just wow. I've got no words just a lot of feelings I'm not even sure what they are but one thing I do know. I loved it and it was quite powerful.

[Christopher.Holmberg]

10/10

[salvador (camuel choisu..]

great work i really dont know what to say cause well i have nothing bad to say besides wow, this poem was full of passion and i felt it, good work.

[EMW]

I liked this

[JB Murray]

This piece can be taken in so many different contexts... and I appreciate it for that reason more than any other... well written

[E. A. Fielder]

When some one has lost themselves and you lose touch with them things feel strange and dark in their presence. Their personality is unrecognizable and you know who they are but they have become a new stranger to you. I feel that way with a lot of people I used to know. I liked the dark way you put things into perspective. Keep Writing!

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I liked how realistic and "to-the point" and straightforward this piece is..
Though I again believe that the structure can be improved, but thats alright...I guess you will learn that with time. I used to write like the same way when I was 18, so its great I think.

[MissWordSmith]

loved this. my favorite by you so far. went straight into my library.

[St.Jimmy]

This is amazing I loved the similes you have used in last para
It's so very well expressed
my favorite line
Clapped after each failure
With static eyes and unfinished sentences
we use to admire even after failing we all do this
Great imagery too
~Aaradhya

[Brianna Brie]

This seems to describe a realist poet. One so caught up in emotion that it becomes their reality. Interesting description of your friend. This poem is quite different in content. Creative work!