How to Fake Convincingly

How to Fake Convincingly

A Story by Isabel25

      At times, being fake is less messy and convenient than blurting out the truth. I have experienced their miraculous benefits at various instances. They come in handy in sticky situations where you bump into your ex-friends or annoying relatives- the ones who without fail keep a track of your varying complexion, body weight and relationship status and volunteer to comment on them without hesitation each time you are unfortunately thrown into their point of vision.

How do you do it convincingly?


Step one: Make sure the subject has spotted you, if not tactfully slip away or hide behind someone/something.


Step two: If the subject has spotted you (hard luck), slowly approach him/her. Smile convincingly- but do not overdo it. If you are meeting an ex-friend and you are a girl, then you could try screaming and fanning your hands about as if you are suffering from a heat wave or blow fake kisses, but I am personally against them. If you are a guy do not do this, you would just look like a freak.


Step three: Talk before they do, so you get to choose the topic. Focus the conversation on them and make sure it is never steered towards you- even if it does, just smile and kill them in your mind. In case of annoying aunts, you could ask about their children or pets- that would get them going for hours.


Step four: Maintain eye contact and feign absolute interest. Nod occasionally and convincingly. Paraphrase what they say and convert them into questions, so that that they wouldn’t suspect your new-sprung interest in their lives.


Step five: Look down at your watch/cell phone and look up, disappointed- tell them you are late for something and that you will call or text and slowly walk away (Do not run, screaming). Or wait for someone you don’t like to walk by and introduce him/her to the subject-whichever comes first.


Thus, you escape unscratched and un-irritated......until the next time.

 

© 2015 Isabel25


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perfect Annie!! I completely concur with the pathological liar that you have so skillfully and deliciously explained :)
this was really fun to read :)
Step six - offer wine and chocolates so they will not remember what they wanted to say first place ;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Isabel25

9 Years Ago

Lol! Moon.....but id rather go have them myself after enduring the torture, rather than waste them o.. read more



Reviews

lol this is fantastic annie so fun to read and yet so very true (we all know someone like this)!!


Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

So true Sereena :) Thanks a lot for reading this
now I'm all set to tackle annoying aunties, thank you so much for this valuable lesson :D

Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

haha...u r always welcome kid
oh god...
honestly u gt me laughing after reading this.its very humourous.i absolutely loved it.pretty much spoken from experience .well done.im gnna save dis one in my library : )

Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

Yes...and you very well know who all have gifted me with this experience. Im happy that i made you l.. read more
I think it was Martin Cruz Smith who wrote, "In the absence of eye witnesses a consistent lie, resolutely maintained is wonderfully hard to break." You must admire a writer who notices little things like that.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

Thank you for sharing that wonderful quote Delmar :)
All very good advice. I personally try never to meet anyone at all...

Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

Yes...that is step zero! Thats usually the first step I try out :D
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perfect Annie!! I completely concur with the pathological liar that you have so skillfully and deliciously explained :)
this was really fun to read :)
Step six - offer wine and chocolates so they will not remember what they wanted to say first place ;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Isabel25

9 Years Ago

Lol! Moon.....but id rather go have them myself after enduring the torture, rather than waste them o.. read more
You describe coping mechanisms for people who find it excruciating to walk down the street full of people they know and view them all like assassins wanting to capture you and hold you hostage while their words dissolve your mind like sulphuric acid and who leave you after they've done their work like a zombie - going W.T.F. ??
Thank God for the dark night and headphones, Annie lol.


Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

'Excruciating' doesnt completely describe the pain I feel in such situations..but yes, that is the c.. read more
ANTO

9 Years Ago

Do you scan the whole street - I bet you do, like a Terminator for threats lol. Its okay laughing bu.. read more
Isabel25

9 Years Ago

I actually do..I hate talking to people....even smiling is too mich at times.
well annie i sure learned a lot,thank you for the lesson

Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

If u dnt mind I would like my fee in Indian Rupees, thank you :p
 wordman

9 Years Ago

i will send it right over
I do this whilst chatting too ;-P

Looks like Cosmo could pay you a fortune for this.. haha..
This is good guidance to those who're confused how to do this.. but for the masters... too many failures in avoiding such situations, they develop ninja focus over time and that is all that is needed to face these confounding circumstances..

Lesser punctuations than before. How did you manage? :P

Posted 9 Years Ago


Stonz P.

9 Years Ago

Don't wear pants so don't know what you're smelling but you should get it checked... in case of fire.. read more
Isabel25

9 Years Ago

joey could afford to do that cos he was handsome. What are you trying for anyway?
Stonz P.

9 Years Ago

Boxers?? Heard of them?
And not wearing pants is not exclusive to Joey and I'm no Joey.. I do.. read more
This made me laugh aloud, but it also made me reflect on how many times I actually do this, especially step 3. The easiest thing to do is to keep asking them questions, make it about them, and keep them from getting to personal/invading my privacy.

However, I love this. I enjoyed the humor.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Isabel25

9 Years Ago

Thank u MN...I really enjoy reading your reviews:)....iam glad that you could relate to my stream of.. read more

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Added on April 16, 2015
Last Updated on April 16, 2015

Author

Isabel25
Isabel25

Bangalore, Karnataka, India



About
A lover of English literature. I prefer writing to talking. I am an instructional designer, and I freelance on weekends. I love tragedy and satire. Most of my works are from the slice-of-life genre.. more..

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