The Utter Uselessness of Absurd Smalltalk

“How are you?” , they ask.

 “Pleasant weather isn’t it?”, they exclaim.

“How do you do?”, they enquire.

What is the right way to answer these questions? As a child I was taught to tell the truth always. Then when did I learn to lie? Donning masks day after day, afraid to untie their strings even at nights. “I am good”, I say, making sure that my smile reaches my eyes. “I am fine.”, I type with shaky fingertips and bloodshot eyes, when text messages approach me for the sake of unknown, un-figured reasons to keep contacts alive. “Oh, such a beautiful day!”, I agree, without batting an eyelid.  “How do you do?”, I chime back, recalling childhood etiquette lessons.  Was there ever another way of answering them?

“I cried myself to sleep last night.”

 “I thought of cutting myself again for the hundredth time five minutes ago.”

“I have been depressed for the past six years.”

“I am done trying, I give up. I am going to swallow a bottle of pills today.”

“I don’t give a s**t about the weather. You can get hit by the Tsunami for all I care.”

“How does it matter to you anyway?!”

Oh, how I wish I could say all this and so much more. Maybe I am scared that no one would ever notice. Maybe I am too comfortable with my pseudo well-being. Maybe this is just convenient.

Why do people ask questions if they don’t need answers? Why do they talk but never bother to listen? And when did I become one of them, finding refuge in the utter uselessness of absurd small talk?

When did I grow up and lose my way?

Author's Note

Just doing some self-reflection...

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

You've not lost your way, but are surveying the world around you, trying to sort things out. There must've been a time before language that we would just grunt when we met someone. It wasn't that we'd stumped a toe or been stung by a bee, but that we wanted to reveal ourselves as friendly, I imagine. Eventually, we found it advantageous to the promotion of harmony, and could possibly even win us a bite of their brontosaurus burger. Today, with all these electronic gadgets, I think we're suffering from communication overload. It might be better to return to the grunt. As I've come to expect from you, this is very good writing, Annie.

[Isabel25]

Yes!! I would just like to grunt or just nod and walk past people I meet; or ignore them all together if i could...
Thank you Sam..means a lot coming from you :)

[walkingdollhouse]

I really like the piece. It kind of feels like a blend of prose and poetry. And it feels honest, which i think is one of most important things. Also, i totally feel you about the utter uselessness of small talk! There should be a revolution against it.
It only facilitates disconnection and alienation amongst people, rather than true connection. With that said, it may be unwise to unload all your issues within meeting someone in the first few seconds.
, haha. But there are ways of being honest with people in a less dramatic way, and sometimes small talk can lead into real talk. Ive also come to realize when your honest with people, and less polite and small talkey, they respond with honesty too. I think people are just afraid of being judged.

[Delmar Cooper]

Do you want raw honesty? Go to a primary school. Get them before they learn the craft.

[Isabel25]

That is a pretty good idea Delmar :D I'll try that some day. Though my experience with kids is not very sweet. on one teachers' Day, a few years ago, when i was in the 11th grade, we went to teach the 1st grade kids and they ended up pulling me from all four directions and making me fall flat on my butt. Since then i make sure i keep a distance from them.

[Delmar Cooper]

I never said they weren't vicious.

[Isabel25]

Sigh..I know :

[~]

ha! my hubby always makes fun of me and tells me I will end up with no friends, since I am not good for small talk, and always speak my mind. :D (but no worries, i got him cornered, i tell him - then he will have to be my one and only friend hehehe)

[Isabel25]

Yes, I get this all the time from certain friends of mine- that i'll end up old and alone. ... LOL, now that answer would easily rule out all clever comebacks :D

[~]

then, we must definitely meet :D

[Sami Khalil]

I love the realistic approaches and expectations of small talk whether useful or absurd... I think you lean towards clarity and not manufacturing and that is a great way and approach... Thought provoking. I love where you stand and how you write...:)....

[Isabel25]

Wow Sami, I am very happy to hear these words, especially from you. I am honoured that you could relate to my thoughts :D

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure. Any time...:)......

[Marie]

What would happen to life as we know it if we all blurted out honest answers?

[Isabel25]

Probably we will have less number of friends and more peace of mind...or probably World War III :p

[Beccy]

But then again, without small talk how do you start a conversation with a casual acquaintance or perhaps a passing stranger?

I know what you mean though about those masks we wear; but mostly it's more a primordial 'just in case' precaution until we get to know someone better.

Beccy.

[Isabel25]

That is also very true Beccy..I know we cannot fully do without it. But at times it feels like our entire life revolves around it.

[h d e rushin]

we humans approach our every-days as if by some Stanislawski method acting where we dribble
out the learned and well-honed terms that get us through the day. I mean, do we really give
a s**t if the stranger that's approaching us is having a good day when were having a bad go of it?
Well, on human terms we do. On interpersonal terms, we don't. And like others have said,
we want the world to think that we are the calm one; not the one who scales the tallest building
in the center square or walks the tightrope railings of the extension bridge. A few hundred
years ago the ancients sent scapegoats in a ritual of atonement into the wilderness to combat
evil spirits. Now we just take them to jail until they sober up.

I love this story. The second half reads like a poem. And I love poems.

dana

[Isabel25]

I like what you just said about the modern day scapegoats. Quite true. Every person who thinks out of the system is put in a box a taken far far away so that he/she wouldn't infect the minds of the other clones...Its hard to fit in when you want something different . A very insightful review Dana, as always :)

[mappingthenight]

I once saw a post on the internet. Young students were completing an assignment that included a prompt, "Grownups are weird because...". The students were then supposed to complete the sentence. Your reflection reminded me of this because the student completed the sentence with "...every one of them says how are you? and you always have to say good even if you're not good" (http://www.buzzfeed.com/kristinchirico/kids-were-so-swag-in-2014#.uh9Dr8xywm - #13).

Why do we do this? To avoid awkwardness? Because we don't want people to think anything is wrong? Why?

Very thought-provoking post, thank you for sharing.

[Isabel25]

Thank you for giving me a very different review from the others. Yeah, even I fail to see the point of all these social practices. I am very glad that u stopped by Moon :)

[Isabel25]

Sorry..I accidently called you 'moon'...I guess my fingers involuntarily typed cos ur display pic is the moon :)

[mappingthenight]

No apology necessary...I love the moon, so it sits with me just fine :)

[613]

Hmm…so gloomy, yet so real. I can definitely relate to this. I like when a piece of work gets into my head like this; like it was taken straight from my own mind. Great job!

- Brittney

[Isabel25]

Oh thank you so much Brittney :) I am definitely gonna check out your works :) Glad that you could relate to this .

[613]

Thanks so much! I appreciate it. (: