Extremely Cliched Heartbreak

Some days, I miss you more,

Other days, I miss me even more,

 

Every night I hug you to sleep,

And wake up, with mere pillows, I weep

 

I smell you in my sweat as I breathe,

It won’t scrub off, all I do is bleed.

 How do widows n’ widowers do it?

Do they cry rivers? Do they lose it?

 Deep from within, resonates a voice,

“It is more painful, to be forsaken by choice!”

Author's Note

This is actually a stupid poem and as the title says, extremely cliched. Just needed to get some steam out. Please excuse the lack of creativity and originality.

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

You had me at the first couplet :|

Heartbreak is not cliched.. the culprits are the cliches.. no two people have the same heartbreak..
What is more important is to express yourself.. I relate to the first three couplets a lot.. I like the rhetoric in the fourth one.. and the title only jutifies the cliche.. that is the only cliche I found..

Suggestion: "It is more painful TO BE forsaken by choice", maybe? sounded better to me.. but maybe it's okay... don't really know..

[Isabel25]

Didnt I comment on this review? I cannot see my comment anyway. I liked ur review the best :)...and the suggestion was accepted and employed as soon as u gave it.

[Chris]

do you often slam your fingers in a car door because they wrote what you were thinking? That is kinda hard on computer keyboards too ya know. People seem to misunderstand "cliche's". Personally I tend to think of them as proofof our commonality as people. We are soooo much alike, in so many ways. Part of our uniqueness is forgetting others can and do feel things too.

Hi.

[Misery]

No apologies needed.
This is art, expression, true poetry. Thank you for sharing true sorrow, dear poet.

[Isabel25]

Thank you Misery, for stopping by! Haha, that's the first time I have said that sentence in my life :D

[Misery]

You are welcome.
Yes, that is funny. I expect that not many people have ever said: "Thank you misery".

[dan]

Annie, The words written about breakups are by nature clichéd, because the pain caused is very similar in all people who are suffering for it. One can write stanzas of wizened words describing it, but isn't the underlying feeling still the same. And I DO like the stanza about widows and widowers, sort of like mine. Great minds think alike, eh? A lovely write, not stupid. take care...dan

[Isabel25]

Great minds do think alike :P Thank you for your time Dan :)

[Abilash Uttama]

it hurts a lot, they don't lose it they just get used to dwell with this pain. writing is a good way to let off some burden from your mind, Stay strong.

[Isabel25]

Thank you my IIT boy :)

[~]

I can hear the noise of the breaking heart... chocolate?? :)

[Isabel25]

You just said the magic word Moonskittles! Woww...that is such a nice name..!

[~]

Great minds think alike. :) thank you :)

[AaronFreitas]

There is nothing wrong with this poem my friend :) You got seem feelings out and thats whats important. I have felt that same way and been through the struggle. Stay strong and if you ever need a friend to talk to I am here :)

[Isabel25]

Thank you Arron, for that kind offer. I'll keep that in mind the next time i need a pep talk :) TC

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This I relate to having been forsaken by choice too many times. Well described! I often think widows and widowers are better off as they do have closure!

[Isabel25]

Exactly John. U hit the nail on the head. :) Thank you for these words.

[ANTO]

The self-deprecatory title shows a resounding use of creativity not a lack thereof Annie. Heartbreak is cliched because it is so common but that doesn't mean each one is not as painful or valid as another. I think you nailed exactly what the heartbroken go through here.
To lose them is as if they have died. I agree with the final line here that the pain can be exacerbated because we know that corporeally speaking they are still with us - yet untouchable.
Its a write I'd be quite fine with penning. Thank you for sharing.
:)

[Isabel25]

I was hesitant to post this cos it sounded too whiny and girly. But you understood exactly what i wanted to point out through this. When someone dies, they cease to exist. But when someone leaves u they would be happy with somebody else, somewhere...that is more painful, because they chose to leave.

Thank you for reviewing Anto :)

[ANTO]

You're very welcome Annie. :)

[TheLostMind]

The last 2 lines are the essence of this poem. Your entire poem revolves around those 2 lines. My favorite lines :).

"How do widows n’ widowers do it?
Do they cry rivers? Do they lose it?" - Well, they don't. They accept it. They accept the fact that the person they loved has left them. They embrace reality. An occasional tear is shed in memory of that person but that's it... They have nothing to cling on to..
We can never really let go of certain people because we can still see them, feel them.. We savior every moment that we spend with that person. The more time we spend knowing the other person, the more we start loving him / her. We turn the other person into a magnet. Anything and everything we see, we try to relate to that person..

There is always this mad hope that drives our delusional minds.. Urging us to go chasing dreams that any sane man would consider - "unbelievably insane". There is no escaping this.. :)

[Isabel25]

Hmmm :/ I have nothing to say to that other than that I agree with u what u said. Thank u LM.

[TheLostMind]

You are wc :)