Extremely Cliched Heartbreak

Some days, I miss you more,

Other days, I miss me even more,

 

Every night I hug you to sleep,

And wake up, with mere pillows, I weep

 

I smell you in my sweat as I breathe,

It won’t scrub off, all I do is bleed.

 How do widows n’ widowers do it?

Do they cry rivers? Do they lose it?

 Deep from within, resonates a voice,

“It is more painful, to be forsaken by choice!”

Author's Note

This is actually a stupid poem and as the title says, extremely cliched. Just needed to get some steam out. Please excuse the lack of creativity and originality.

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

You had me at the first couplet :|

Heartbreak is not cliched.. the culprits are the cliches.. no two people have the same heartbreak..
What is more important is to express yourself.. I relate to the first three couplets a lot.. I like the rhetoric in the fourth one.. and the title only jutifies the cliche.. that is the only cliche I found..

Suggestion: "It is more painful TO BE forsaken by choice", maybe? sounded better to me.. but maybe it's okay... don't really know..

[Isabel25]

Didnt I comment on this review? I cannot see my comment anyway. I liked ur review the best :)...and the suggestion was accepted and employed as soon as u gave it.

[jeannemarie coulter]

the last line is very powerful...i lost my beloved husband to cancer in 97 and that is hard, but he was in so much pain i could let him go...when a partner just dumps you or goes looking for more spice in his/her life i believe that would be much harder to live with because you would forever wonder where and how you failed or even if you failed them...thank you ...jc

[Isabel25]

Thank you so much for stopping by JC, and I am sorry for your loss. and yes, that is exactly what I meant by this poem, although death of a loved can be so much more painful in so many other ways. I am really glad that you gave me this review.
Thank you once again.

[silent poet]

This piece caught my attention, raw emotion.. I relate. Nice write,

[Simon Welsh]

Cliches are good. They can be the object of satire.

[Isabel25]

So true Elliott ...

[Rita L. Sev]

While I see some cliche here, I would not characterize this piece as "stupid". Your first stanza sets a scene of heartbreak, deeper at the loss of self. Sometimes it is good to just write, and sometimes we come up with more than we expect - as you have done here, Annie.

[Isabel25]

I am glad you liked it Rita....yes, i wasn't actually expecting to come up with something good. :)

[Zahra]

Some days, I miss you more,
Other days, I miss me even more,
I like this very much, interesting write. :)

[Isabel25]

Thank you Zahra, your words are much appreciated :)

[MsJewel]

I didn't find this cliche at all. You have spilled some real emotions onto the page, and they are heartwrenching...

Julie

[Isabel25]

Eeee :D Thank you my dear Julie...always happy to read your reviews :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i too like this...we are our own worst critics....i love the title....the third stanza is anything BUT cliche.

just some real feelings poured on the page...

[Isabel25]

Thank you Jacob...I am so very glad that you liked this :)

[Sami Khalil]

Beautifully written and conveyed. Nothing is cliched about your writes. Pen on...:)......

[Isabel25]

Thanx a bunch Sami, for visiting me again. Your words are greatly needed and appreciated. :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:).....

[Anantha Narayanan]

But it is interesting Ma'am. Certain thoughts, from the bottom of heart, could have greats impacts than mere creative works. Gud luck

[Isabel25]

Hmmm....thank u...sir?

[613]

Overall, awesome job! Yes, it's cliche. However, it really pulled me in.

- Brittney