God Bothering

Just a little humour about a young man desperate to get laid.

So I said to God “I wanna have some fun.”

He said “Don't talk to me, boy, you've got the wrong one.”

“You need to talk to those pagan gods.

Those guys don't care what you do with your bods.”

I said “Is there a particular one that you'd recommend”

He said “You could try Pan, he's a pretty good friend.”

So I looked up the great god Pan,

Said “I hear you're good with the chicks, my man.”

He said “So what if I am? What's it to you?”

I said “Well, I was hoping you'd spare me a chick or two.”

He said “You know what, man? You're a bit of a creep.

What's mine is mine, and what's mine I keep.”

So I went back to God, my cap in my hand,

Said “So help me God, I don't understand.”

“Your good friend Pan, he just ain't sharing,

And I'll tell you straight, he sure ain't caring!”

“So if there's another pagan god that might help me out,

Please give me the name and I'll give him a shout.”

God thought and he thought, then he started to grin,

“You could try Cernunnos, he's well steeped in sin.”

He said “After all, he is the Horned God,

But you better watch out, he's an ornery old sod!”

So I hunted down the mighty Cernunnos,

Only to discover that he just didn't give a toss.

He said “Human lust is my bread and butter.

I'm not helping out some sex mad nutter.”

So I went back to God, said “Man, I don't think you're trying.”

He said “Of course I'm not, I just like watching sinners crying.”

I said “Good God, oh well, I'll be damned!”

He said “You got that right” and Hell's Gate slammed.

© 2017 The Iron Horseman

Author's Note

Just something to make you smile.

Reviews

[Nipplegrinder]

So playful, and full of fun. Enjoyed this little word candy.

[The Iron Horseman]

Thanks, NG. I'm glad it made you smile. That's all it was intended to do! :)

[Matthew Kult]

Humorously Randy

Great Read

Matthew

[The Iron Horseman]

Thank you.

[Matthew Kult]

Welcome

Matthew