Wya Twerp

A humorous twist on an Old West legend.

Wya Twerp walked down the streets of Headstone,

His Bluntline Special at his hip,

He thought he was a tough guy,

He wouldn't take any lip.

The problem with self-delusion is,

It can really bite.

It can get you injured,

Or even snuff out your light.

But Wya didn't know this,

He still thought he was tough,

He didn't know that he,

Just didn't have the stuff.

So he walked down the streets,

Pushing better men aside,

Swaggering and glaring,

Thinking they should run and hide.

He finally reached a livery barn,

Called the Not-So-Good Corral,

Where he met a man called Earp,

And Doc Holliday, his pal.

“Out of my way, saddle tramps,”

Called rude Wya Twerp.

“You have gotta be kidding me,”

Replied the amused Mister Wyatt Earp.

“I never met you before, mister,”

Said the deadly Doc Holliday,

“But you're gonna get yourself seriously hurt,

If you keep on acting this way!”

“Yes,” said Wyatt, “You're a real twerp,

Your behaviour is really bad.”

“How do you know my name is Twerp?

Do you know my Dad?”

Earp looked puzzled, Holliday looked mad,

Something had to be done.

So Wyatt slapped Wya's face,

And Holliday pinched his gun.

Twerp's face crumpled, his lower lip trembled,

He suddenly burst into tears.

He hadn't known it would be like this,

It was worse than his worst fears.

“Give me my gun, it's mine!” he wailed,

“You're mean, this isn't fair!”

He wanted to kick and bite and scratch,

But he just didn't dare.

Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday laughed,

And laughed until they cried.

This was a historic record,

A gunfight where nobody died.

Taking Twerp by the ear, Earp said,

“Come on, you little stink.

The Doc and I are taking you to the saloon,

We're going to buy you a drink.”

“Yes,” said Doc, “That felt really good,

I haven't laughed like that in years.

Thanks for providing the light relief,

It's got to be worth one or two beers.”

So Wya Twerp's delusions didn't work out too bad,

Though they led him to the brink.

He was humbled and humiliated,

But at least he got a free drink.

Such is the fate of wannabees, the lucky ones, that is!

© 2017 The Iron Horseman

Reviews

[Poetic License]

"If I am to be insulted, I must first value your opinion." Doc Holliday (Tombstone)

Loved this. Great moral to a funny little ditty. Wish my smart a*s landed me on a bar stool instead of hot water!

I think your next satrical Aesop's fable should be all about the Little Redhead That Could.... ;-)

[The Iron Horseman]

The quote was to Johnny Ringo if my memory serves me correctly, was it not? I don't know too many women who like westerns; it's a pleasure to find one who not only does, but quotes one of my all-time favourite westerns movies!

Great idea for a new story line, too! Keep on smiling, PL.

[Poetic License]

John Wayne is my hero!!!!! My all time favorite John Wayne movie was McClintock!!!! Also watched all the old Rifleman, Gunsmoke, Ponderosa, Clint Eastwood movies and shows. And of course, the ultimate - Paint your Wagons. Yep I was raised on the old Westerns. I don't care to much for the new stuff, really. They just don't make cowboys like they used to.

[The Iron Horseman]

Clint Eastwood is my favourite, particularly the Man With No Name movies! For new ones, Appaloosa and 3:10 to Yuma are great.

[Stacy Purvis]

F-f-f-roggy wenta courtin' he did ride a cranbooooooooo...
Anywho, I loved this piece. You are always one tobe straight-forward in your thinking and presentation!

[The Iron Horseman]

Thanks, Anastasia. What's a cranbo?

[Paul Bell]

You're getting to good at this. Like the legend becoming a leg end. No death at the not so good corral. Sort of puts history on its head. You could actually do this with a lot of history. Attila the hun. Attila for fun.

[The Iron Horseman]

I love it! Attila for Fun! Henry the Apeth. Napoleon Boney Parts. Julius Seize Her. Oh, what have you started, Paul! :D