Thank you

Really bad, sorry!

 Drops of rain strike my head

As I sit in the dark cover of night

on a lonely rooftop simple waiting

for a man I once called friend

 

He is known to watch the night sky

no matter the weather or his condition

he is called crazy by those who know him

they don't know what he can see

 

He lives alone and away from others

he knows more than others

from visions without rest

the sky shares secrets with only him

 

The last secret it has told

will be the last he shall see

one of me and one of him

one in the same and one of the end

 

I can hear him approch the door

no hint of fear in his heart

as he passes his final threshold 

gently the door swings

 

He steps out just as always

I clasp the roof tight

his heart beats once than tiwice

I leap downward

 

Landing his head in my hand, his neck in my teath

My eyes shut, feet solid on the ground

warm blood running down 

dripping off his back to a pool below

 

A shameful waste 

but I can still feel the liquid

stirring through my system

the taste racing across my toung

 

as I lay him down

face pale without blood

the smell still controlling my senses

I look to see a smile

 

A simple smirk across his face

a paper rested in his palm

unfolded to read within 

only two words "Thank you"

Author's Note

sorry about spelling ... and it being bad ... sorry!

Reviews

[Bullet Soul]

I don't think this is bad at all. I didn't find much wrong with it at all, I enjoyed reading it.
The only thing I might point out was that it was a bit hard for me to understand. I'm not sure exactly what happened in the poem.. but that could be just me.

I did really like some of the lines you wrote, especially
"He lives alone and away from others
he knows more than others
from visions without rest
the sky shares secrets with only him."

Those lines were great. So, the only thing you might want to improve in your writing is making the plot and the happenings of the story that goes on in the poem easier to understand. But other than that, it was definitely a good poem.

[Addie]

Very nice. Ive kinda gotten overy my whole vampire phase but that was really well written. I enjoyed it very much =)

[Lee E. Powell]

Stop! Your work is not bad. I liked it, I like the imagery. This was nice. Yes, there were a few mispellings, but the story was good.

[Britt Foster]

Very nice! I agree with the person below me -- it was a little hard to understand, but very nice and a good read nevertheless.

I'm guessing that the narrator is a vampire? His friend is coming and is supposedly unaware of his vampirism, so he ends up falling victim? Then the note reveals that he knew all along? I'm not completely sure as to the plot, but from what I can guess and assume its very nice. ^^

I really like how you added in the part about the note, by the way. It adds an extra dash of intrigue to the piece.

Overall, I think this is great!