Never the same

Anyone who has been brain injured or knows someone who has, knows that the injured is never the same again.

Imagine living your life ordinarily, every day when all you do is wake up in the morning, get ready for work, prepare your kids for school, grab your coffee, get in your car, drive to work and spend eight hours of dealing with all kinds of situations, get off work, get in your car, drive back home and on the way, you must stop perhaps for diner, gas or paying your bills. You finally arrive home from work or school and go about your evening routine, whatever that might be, and you never stop once to think “well, today is the day that my life will change”. None of us ever stop to think about things such as: today, I will get shot in the head, or have a truck fall on my head or be hit head on collision by a drunk driver. No, that would be unimaginable! Nobody ever thinks about having their life interrupted or change by any of these tragic events, but sadly, to many of us, situations like these will come knocking on our door, and when they do, life will never be the same again.

WHAT THE DOCTORS WON’T TELL YOU IN THE ICU

Let me tell you something about the doctors or neurosurgeons in the emergency room. From the moment they see the injury they try to assess the type of injury, the seriousness of the injury and the possible outcome. They get their patient in the operating room, they may lose the patient a few times before they can stabilize him or her, they may have to induce the patient into a coma and at the same time they have an idea or what could go wrong or what can save the patient. Every second counts a lifetime! Finally the neurosurgeon comes out and directs himself to the immediate family (parents or spouses) and he begins to tell them something like this: Mr. or Mrs. Smith, your son (or spouse, grandparent, etc.) has suffered a very serious brain injury. I have just finished looking at the CT Scan and it doesn’t look good to me. All I can say to you is pray and hope for the best. He or she has a 20% chance for survival right now. If he or she makes it through the night, then the chance for survival may increase. If the patient makes it through the night, then the first forty-eight hours are considered critical because the patient may or may not improve his or her condition.  At this time is just wait and see how he or she responds to treatment.

When you first hear that, you feel your heart drop, you are in total disbelief, and all you ask is, can I see my child, or can I see my spouse? When you finally enter the room, you see your loved one connected to all kinds of tubes running from the top of the head to the sole of their feet, and the beep of the monitor and the oxygen machine stays in your head, long after you are gone home that night.

Could the neurosurgeon tell you the patient will recover and will have all kinds of psychological and emotional problems? Could he tell you that he or she will never be the same person before the accident? Could he tell you your loved one will suffer from short memory, speech and language problems, short temper, depression, lack in controlling emotions or violent impulses? No, they couldn’t tell you that because that would be too overwhelming for you to hear and honestly, a hurtful truth that can’t be told in the ICU.

Here is the thing, after a person suffers a brain injury, the long road to recovery is rough, overwhelming and very frustrating, not only to the injured but more so to that parent, or that husband or wife.

The only thing doctors or neurosurgeons know about brain injuries is to re-wire the patient’s brain back together the best way possible, and do everything to keep that person alive. Once they have achieved this goal, the rest of the process now lays on the family of the brain injured"who have the toughest job of helping the patient walk the recovery road.

If you think that a person who suffered a brain injury can recover 100%, then you are a believer in miracles. The sad truth is that all brain injured individuals are never the same. They may recover maybe up to 80% or even 90%, but no matter how well they recover, their brain function is never the same. The person doesn’t think or act like he or she used to and the one who suffers this transformation the most is the person who is left to care for him or her.

WHAT CAN I DO?

Many families who live with a brain injured knows exactly the kind of life you now have, and sometimes it can be overbearing and overwhelming to care for the brain injured. Dealing on a constant basis with a brain injured, drains the energy out of you. At first, you may experience anger, guilt and depression for what happened to your loved one and what you now have to do to help him or her"which is basically give up your life and invest it in this person that now needs you the most.

However, not all is lost. There are special programs and support groups that can help families who care for a brain injured. The trick is to find those groups closest to you. If you do a search online, you would be surprise how many things are out there to help you with a brain injured. Don’t think your life is over now because you don’t have the time for yourself. You need to make the time to have some type of leisure or fun, and be away from your loved one every now and then. Have somebody who you can trust to stay with him or her and go out somewhere. If your loved one is capable of going out and having fun as well, make it a great time for the two. The idea is, don’t let your life slip through your hands simply because your life and the life of your loved one has changed. Make it happen!