Traumatic Brain Injury-from a parents perspective

No one knows what is life like for the brain injured more than the parents of a child or adult who has been brain injured.

When our son was severely brain injured in the spring of 2008, we had no idea how much of his life would be changed and the challenges he would have to overcome, let alone, how our family and closest relationships would be affected as well. Eventually, after a year from his freak accident, we found out the hard way how difficult life gets for people who suffered a brain injury and for those who are close to the injured.

A brain injury can be one of the most dramatic life changing experiences, not only for the injured, but for those who are related to the individual in one way or another. Most people think that the person is going to get well soon, and that he or she will be back to normal in a short period of time. This is not the case for most brain injured people. Each brain injury is different and a lot goes on during and after recovery, in which the individual faces hard times to re-adjust, and so does the family.

From the parent’s stand point, dealing with your child or teen whose brain has been severely damaged due to an accident, life will not be the same. The “parental trauma” as I like to call it, is just as traumatic on the parent as the injury is to the child. The first thing that the parent experience is a feeling of hopelessness, guilt and anger for what happened to the child, and these feelings can stay harbored for a long time, causing even more damage, if they are not dealt with.

The impact caused to the family system, including spouses and siblings, could be very emotional and stressful. For the brain injured, life doesn’t only get complicated, but he or she now deals with change in behavior, depression, some disabilities, co-dependency, loss of certain emotions and even loss of relationships. Parents not only have to deal with the “new” child or teen at home, but they also have to deal with spousal responsibilities, other children, financial burden and emotional stress. All of which can have even greater ramifications without receiving the right support.

It is estimated that about 85% of couples who have a child or teen that has been critically injured or deceased, end up in divorce while trying to cope with the emotional pain, financial responsibilities, intimacy and the pressure of still having to deal with other children in the family. This is only on the parents’ perspective. For the child or teen, the consequences of a brain injury are even greater.

Most brain injured children and teens may develop unusual behaviors, irritability, short memory span, depression or confusion among many other symptoms. In addition, peers may begin to slowly withdraw from the child or teen once they realize their friend is not the same or can’t interact with them like he or she used to before their brain injury. It is painfully devastating for parents to see their child or teen go through the whole recovery process and the loss of a normal life, as they have to witness every change, every disappointment, and the need to build on patience to help him or her to get back to as normal as possible.

As the parent of a brain injured teen, I know exactly what is like to suffer with your son or daughter and the tremendous stress that it can bring on the family, marriage and those friendships your son or daughter used to have, and now they are nowhere to be found. It can be overwhelming at times and it can bring serious problems to the family or the marriage, if you don’t seek professional help or even spiritual support.

Personally, my husband and I could have been part of the divorce statistics, and our family could have been totally shattered if it wasn’t for the help and support of noble friends and a strong church system. If you know a family who is facing this kind of challenge, please, reach out to them in any way you can. Life perhaps is not going to be the same for that family and the brain injured, but just for them to know that someone cares enough to show support the best way you know how, can really impact them in a positive way and may also help improve the long road to recovery for the brain injured as well as for the family.