I Don't Want To See

Morgan has a vision that she's going to die. Turning to her ghostly friend, Michael, she tries to come to terms with the fact her life is coming to an end.

 

            “You look like death warmed over,” Stacie said, watching me as I dragged myself to my position behind the registration desk. I was not feeling well and she didn’t realize exactly how close to the truth she actually was.

            “Damn and I thought I was a ray of sunshine,” I joked. In truth, I was exhausted. I had only managed a few hours of sleep the night before. All I wanted was to go home and curl up in bed for a few more hours of shut-eye. Too bad I was now scared as all hell to shut my eyes for long. “Let’s just get through this day, ok?”

            Stacie nodded her agreement and we both went to our usual tasks for the morning. I printed out the various reports we needed while she filled out the documents required by our manager. I couldn’t help but start to wonder. Why had I had that nightmare? Was it another vision? I hoped to hell not, I wasn’t ready to die just yet.

            Before I could stop myself, I said, “Hey, Stacie, what would you do if you knew you were going to die?” She paused, staring at me like I had three heads.

            “Geez, girl, where the hell did that come from?” She hesitated, finally shrugging. “I don’t know, probably try to do everything I’ve always wanted to before I die. Maybe apologize to people I’ve hurt. What about you?”

            “I’m not sure. I guess I could let some grudges go and make amends with people. And I did always want to answer this damned phone as Grand Central Station,” I ground out as the phone’s incessant ringing interrupted our conversation. “Thank you for calling The Main Street Suites. This is Morgan speaking. How may I help you?” And with that, our conversation ended. I still didn’t have a clue about what to do, but it was time to work now and worry about that later.

 

            “Thank god, I’m so beat,” I said as Stacie and I loaded onto the elevator on our way to clock out for the day.

            “Me, too. Hey, what was with that ‘knowing you’re going to die’ question earlier?”

            I froze, staring at the reflective doors as they slid shut in front of me. “I, uh, was just wondering. Something that was on my mind last night.” I hurried off the elevator as the doors opened on the bottom floor, punching the code in the door to access the employee area. “Haven’t you ever wondered that before?”

            “Not really. You’re not going to do something stupid, are you Morgan?” Stacie was one of the few people that knew about my past experiences with depression and I should have expected she make that connection.

            “No, no. Really, I was just wondering about it. I mean, think about what must go through the minds of cancer patients.” I sifted through my purse, pulling out my time card and swiped it through the system.

            “Yeah, true. I’ve got to hit the bathroom before leaving, catch you tomorrow?” She asked, swiping her own time card before turning in the direction of the break room.

            “Sure, tomorrow.” I hurried out to the parking lot. That had to have been one of the more awkward conversations Stacie and I had ever had. She knew I had a depressive past, but she didn’t know I had a tendency to see the future, which had me worried as all hell.

            It was a short trek from the exit to my car. The small, purple Chevy Berretta wasn’t very hard to miss with the collection of bumper stickers on the back and layer of dirt covering it. Most of the guests at the hotel drove expensive cars, as did most of the employees. I slid into the driver’s seat and turned it on. I couldn’t help but smile when the heavy thump of my favorite music started to vibrate the vehicle.

            Reversing out of my parking spot, I began the drive home. It was a good twenty minute drive that I always used to mull over topics that were bothering me. Today, I was wondering about the dream from last night. I had a tendency to have prophetic dreams which would wake me up in the middle of the night. Usually they were about trivial things, but this one was about death, my death to be precise.

            In the dream I was driving. I wasn’t sure if I was driving home or towards somewhere else. I just knew that I was in my vehicle on my way somewhere. Something had caused my car to act up and finally stall on some train tracks just as a train started heading at me. I couldn’t get out of my car for some reason; it seemed like my door had jammed shut and I couldn’t get over to the passenger door in time. The driver of the train must not have seen me soon enough because he was too late hitting the brakes.

            Then I woke up, panting and frightened. I knew my family was down the hall, but I wasn’t going to bother them over something as silly as a dream. Instead, I had lain in bed all night worried, frightened, and too damned afraid to close my eyes again. It didn’t help that I had to cross three sections with train crossings on my way to and from work.

            I had been so focused on reminiscing about the dream that I didn’t realize as I had driven past the West Grove Cemetery, I had gained a passenger in my car. Glancing to the side, I was startled to find a young man sitting beside me with his arms crossed. “Damn it, Michael. Was it necessary to frighten me like that?”

            “Only when you’re so wrapped up in you’re mind that you’re not paying attention to the road.” Michael stated, continuing to stare at me. Michael had become a good friend, well, as good of a friend as a ghost could be. He couldn’t offer me hugs when I needed them or high fives for congratulations, but he could offer companionship and conversation.

            “I am paying attention, just thinking.” I said, considering my next words carefully. “What would you have done if you had known you were going to die?”

            Michael hesitated, turning to look out the window. “I sure as hell would have beaten the crap out of Johnnie.”

            “Michael!” I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He had been 23 when he died and quite attractive, too. Certainly if he had been alive I would have been trying to date him. Even though he was quite transparent, I could make out the shaggy brown hair and hazel eyes. In life, he had had a lean, but muscular build, a jock no doubt. “I’m being serious! What would you have done?”

            He shrugged, obviously thinking it over for a moment. “There really isn’t anything I would have done differently. I lived my life to the fullest. Of course, that’s what got me killed in the first place.”

            “You never did tell me how you died.”

            “And I’m not going to.” He stared out the windshield, guilt apparent on his face. I obviously wasn’t going to get any more out of him.

            “Fine. Then help me decide what to do before I die.”

            I could see him start then, out of the corner of my eye. “Before you what?”

            “Before I die.”

            “What… what makes you think you’re going to die?” I could hear the disbelief in his voice.

            “I had a dream last night…”

            “That’s just a dream!” He interrupted.

            “Michael, just listen.” I waited until I saw him settle back down. “I had a dream last night. I occasionally have these… psychic dreams. Normally, I just see a conversation between someone else and myself. Or I might see an action I’m going to take.” I took a deep breath, gathering myself to actually say the words. “Last night, I saw myself die.”

            He shook his head. “Not possible. Not going to happen.”

            “It is going to happen, Michael. I just don’t know when.”

            He hesitated again. “How?”

            “A train is going to hit me. My car is going to stall and I’m going to be stuck in side.” I shivered, tensing as I guided my car over the first set of train tracks on my way home. I watched him shift again out of the corner of my eye. “You seem worked up about this. Why?”

            “You can not die. You should not die.”

            “It is going to happen eventually. I would just prefer it not to be so painful.” I cringed, guiding my car over the second set of train tracks. I let out a sigh knowing there was only one set left and they were not used as often as the first two were. “However, I can't choose how I die.”

            “You are too full of life! Too full of beauty! You can not die!” It took me a moment to register what Michael had said, first getting over the fact that for the first time, he had raised his voice with me.

            “Michael, what did you just say?”

            “I just…” He seemed to be collecting himself. “I just don't think that you deserve to die.”

            I blinked, shrugging slightly. “I don’t think it is whether or not I deserve to die. It’s more whether or not it's my time to die.” He remained quiet, staring out the window.

It was only a few more minutes before we were at the last set of train tracks. I pulled up to the stop sign right before, cringing as my car made a stuttering noise. “No, no, no.” I muttered. It was my turn to go, so I had begun to inch my car over the tracks as it sputtered. With no warning at all, the car just stopped… on the tracks. I look over at Michael, who was looking in both directions.

“I don't see a train. Come on, unbuckle and get out of the car.” He waved his transparent hand as if trying to hurry me along. Nodding, I unfastened the buckle and went to open the door.

“Uh, Michael, it won’t open.” At that moment, the lights signaling an oncoming train began to flash and I could hear the faint sound of the approaching engine.

“It what?” He didn’t seem to believe me.

“It will not open! I don’t know how else to say it!” I gulped as I saw the train come around the bend. “Hit the damned brakes.”

“Why don’t you go out this side?” He said, moving his own body through the door to stand outside the vehicle.

I nodded, starting the painstaking process of maneuvering in such a small car. “Worth a shot,” I muttered. With one foot positioned one the passenger seat, I went to move the other and was stopped by a tugging on my foot. Looking down, I let out a string of curses. My shoe lace was stuck around the gas pedal. “Damn it!” Scrambling to try and remove the shoe, I looked up just as the train blew its horn. The last thing I saw was the front of the train colliding with my car.

 

It seemed like forever before the blackness lifted. I opened my eyes to find myself standing about fifty feet away from the crash, Michael beside me. “Welcome to death, sweetheart.” He said, turning his face to look down at me.

I glanced at him for a moment before focusing my attention on the various people moving around the remnants of my vehicle. Emergency personnel, fire fighters, police officers, I had always wanted to be a part of a scene like this, just not on the dead side. “It really happened. Just like I saw it.” I watched as they brought a tow truck close enough to start pulling the pile of scraps onto the flat bed. “Did they already remove my body?”

He pointed off to the right, where the cement road met dirt. There, covered with a white sheet, was what looked to be a human body. “They had to use that ‘jaws of life’ thing to get you out.” He shivered. “Damn, you looked bad. Good thing the wounds did not carry over.”

“That was not funny!” I flung my hand back, pausing as I realized that it actually connected with his stomach. “Holy hell.” I turned to stare as I gently brushed my fingers over him. “I can touch you.”

For once, he actually smiled. “Well, duh, you’re now made out of the same stuff I am.” Just as fast, his smile vanished and he stood there, staring at me.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

With a tug, he pulled me into a tight embrace, “You were not supposed to die, Morgan.”

I blinked, slowly wrapping my arms around his waist. “It’s not like I had any control.” I closed my eyes, cursing myself for my horrid abilities at comforting people. “At least now we get to hug each other.”

“And I’m never letting go.”

Author's Note

I wrote this for a contest and thought it came out rather well. I am more than open to criticism though.

Reviews

[Ailyn]

An entertaining story. Have you read Into Thin Air? I can't remember the author's name at the moment, but it was an excellent novel with a refreshing take on the typical ghost love story. This story contains some of the same elements, but very importantly doesn't have a 'redone' feel, which keeps it fresh. For the most part I like it a great deal. However, it feels decidedly unfinished, and at the ending the narrator seems go a bit too gently into that goodnight, if you will. If I were in her shoes, regardless of if I had foreseen my death or not, I would be panicking. Moreover, what is the underlying goal of this story? What greater truth or lesson should the reader be taking from it? I'm not saying to spoon-feed the reader a lesson, but rather to make one subtly apparent. It may be there already, but it's late where I am and I may have missed it.

Overall, though, it's a very solid piece of writing, free of any noticeable inconsistencies or typographical errors. Moreover, it's engaging, and what more can someone ask for from a piece of fiction than that it be entertaining and interesting? Good job!

[J.R. Kitch]

YES! YES! YES! The first truely paranormal story I've read since I've been on this website. How refreshing, and what a way to give a happy ending to a macabre tale. I couldn't have done that, I'm usually happy to kill off the criminals and sinners I write about, HA! I would shake your hand! Keep up the good work!

[Persnickety]

One thing my writing fiction professor always told me is don't be afraid to write more. I think that's exactly what this piece needs.

This seems more like an outline than a complete story. You have a great character but not development. They are very one dimensional. I need more relationship and death.

The ideas in here are GREAT and very entertaining you just need to fatten it. Build your characters!!! Especially the relationship between Micahel and Morgan.

And you mention she was depressed and you never let your reader know why. I want to know why :P

I think this piece as a lot of potential, like I said... just fatten it up a bit :)