why?

first chapter. Not as graphic.

Hot tears scorch my cheeks as they flow like lava from a fiery volcano. I can feel the ripping of my clothes as I’m dragged through the wooden floor, splinters catching my jeans as I scrape across.

How? How could this lovely, warm home turn into such a hell?

I choke back sobs that feel like fire inside my eyes. A small whimper escapes my lips, but is corrected quickly and I go back to silence. Watching my feet, I see that I only have one shoe on. The other must have been lost in the struggle.

Oh why? Why? I ask myself repeatedly.  

My shoe which was left alone at the top of the stairs, it was free. Free from this suffering.

 Perhaps my mother will find it. But will she ever find me? Will she or my father ever understand what kind of pain I’m going through now? Would I even want them to know?

Bursting into tears again my mind seems to go into rewind and play my memory from the beginning. Like some twisted sick movie that I can’t stop or pause.

            Incredible heat bears down on my two toned skin as I walk along the deserted concrete sidewalk about a quarter mile from my own home. It has been a long walk for a nine year old, especially one traveling alone.  I wasn’t sure, but I would have bet half my allowance that my arms and face were already burnt. But I didn’t care. I was already too wrapped up in my little scheme to care about such trivial matters.  Oh how foolish I was.

            My mother and father were both good parents, though a tad strict. I constantly whined about how I didn’t need to eat my vegetables, or clean my plate.

Why should I have to go to bed by nine at night?

Often, after one such argument or tantrum, I would fill a small bag with random supplies that I might need for the next few hours till I came home to worried parents. Or they would find me first, which would usually end with me having some mild punishment, but me eventually getting my way. I knew how to work my parents, or so I thought.

            On this particular day I found myself walking down the sidewalk to the playground at about noon when the sun was at its highest.  It truly did a hot July day justice in this particularly sweltering summer. The park comes into view and I sprint out down the hill and rush right up to the big slide. Easily fifteen feet high and full shiny metal.  Smiling broadly, I grab onto the rail to climb up, but immediately recoil as white hot pain cooks my hand and I fall on my back.

“Ouch!” I scream as I look down at my hand which was burned by the metal slide.

There I learned my first of many lessons that day: A hot metal slide in the middle of a miserably intense July day in Texas was not a fun thing.

 Blowing on my hand several times, the stinging subsided and I looked around to find that pretty much all of the structures in the playground were made of metal, and most likely scolding. Finding a nice patch of grass next to the warm sand I lay back and close my eyes. The only shade in the massive park came from a wide oak tree, which I sat under. Peeking through my lids I can see the wind blowing the large green leaves and the cooling air felt good flowing over my skin.

My stomach grumbles loudly as I reflect upon what I had done this morning. It really was wrong of me to make such a big deal out of eating grits for breakfast when I wanted Poptarts. But I knew I was far too stubborn to admit it. This reminds me that I had stormed out right before lunch and of course I hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning. After a quarter mile walk in the vicious sun I was parched as well. Looking over at my little bag I knew that nowhere in its small blue synthetic contents was any food.

I cursed my own stupidity on many levels for this one. First level being that I was too dumb to realize I would be hungry and pack food. The second for just not eating the damned grits. I wasn’t supposed to curse but I heard my father and mother do it all the time and I was angry, hot, hungry, thirsty and tired.

“Hey kid!” A voice rang from the top of the hill by the road next to the park.

I jerk my head in that direction and squint because of the bright sunlight.  Once my tender eyes had adjusted I could see the origin of the voice. A relatively tall man stood at the top of the hill. He was just a bit taller than my own father but much skinnier. He had dark hair, not black but just a dirty dark brown. Definitly needing to shave he scratched his own chin. In his hand he had a toy figurine from the latest cartoon superhero movie. It was already open and he was looking down at me with strange eyes. It was an expression I had never seen an adult wear before.

Some danger flags flew up in my head, but I ignored my better judgment.

“Yeah mister?” I responded innocently as I got up and brushed off all the sand on my back the best I could.

“Hey. You like this toy? Its pretty nice, right? I like it myself. I saw the movie just yesterday at the theater down town.” He continues to wear the strange smile that puts my nerves on end.

Of course I liked the movie, and the toy.

 I dared not take a step closer, hearing my mother’s words ring in my mind ‘don’t talk to strangers’. And this man was definitely a stranger if I ever saw one.

“Yeah. Its pretty neat. I saw that movie a week ago. Most adults don’t like watching that movie.” I take a few steps toward him but still keeping a distance.

Thinking back now from my current situation I should have turn and ran. I should have ran as far and fast as I could. But I didn’t. I was just a stupid kid. To stupid to know better.

“I see. Well why don’t you come with me and I’ll give it to ya,” He smiles almost sincerely but for the first time in the conversation I started to question him directly.

“Well, why do I have to go with you in order to get it?” I asked.

The man seems to have gotten flustered a bit by the question. Clearly, he wasn’t prepared for questioning after he offers a toy. It was at this point that I had another revelation. The entire park was empty. No other people were around. Not a single soul. I at first assumed it was because of the heat. But even then there is usually one idiotic mother or two that have brought their kids just to get out of the house. But today….there was no one. No one at all.

Despite the relentless heat I felt a chill down my spine that gave me goose bumps. Fear had crept into my being for the first time during the encounter. I was alone, totally alone with this man. But he seemed nice enough. He even saw a movie that most adults didn’t like.

“Well, you see it wouldn’t be very fun to just have this action figure without all his cool weapons and accessories. Or maybe his nemesis, eh?” He makes little gestures with the toy as if it was fighting some unknown, invisible enemy. “That would be way more fun than just this single one right?”

“Yeah. I guess you are right,” I said trekking up the side of the hill towards him. “Though I’m really, really hungry,” rubbing my stomach it makes another loud growl.

“I see. A big strong growing boy needs food. You not eat lunch?” He doesn’t wait for my answer. “’Course not. Why don’t I take you to eat? You want a burger? Or some chicken nuggets? You like McDonald’s, right?” Reaching down he messes my hair up and his touch seems to linger strangely.

“Sure. I like McDonalds.” Joy started to replace the fear as I started to think this man wasn’t dangerous at all. He just liked kids.

I thought about bringing up the old ‘I shouldn’t talk to strangers’ gambit. But that would risk me loosing McDonalds and I didn’t want that to happen. He handed me the figurine and opened the front door for me.  I never got to ride in the front seat at home. Mom always told me it was safer in the back but the front was so cool!

“Alright. Lets get some grub,” He exclaimed as we sped off to McDonalds.

I had expected him to take me inside but instead he pulled in through the drive through. He ordered me exactly what I wanted, a chicken nugget happy meal with fries and an ice cream. He didn’t order anything, though. Instead he pulled out a cigarette and cracked the window.

“Hey. You’re not supposed to smoke in a car!” I told him with a mouthful of food, still sitting buckled into the passenger seat without so much as a second through that this could be dangerous.

“Hey! Who are you? The smoke police, eh?” He had lost his nice tone. Now he was harsh and angry.

I tensed up and stopped eating for a moment. He soon saw his mistake and his expression softened again. “Hey, buddy. My bad.  I didn’t mean to snap. I’ve just been trying to quit and they make me edgy. Did you parents ever smoke?”

“Yeah. My dad”

“And did he quit?” He asked questioningly.

“Yeah. For the most part.” I answered still a little tense.

“Well, wasn’t he a bit grouchier than before? At least during the time he was quitting?’

“Yeah…..I guess” Feeling unsure I put my food down. I had eaten enough anyway. I hold onto the new toy tightly.

“Well you see! It’s the same thing. Hang on tight” He turns around a corner blowing past a stop sign and cutting off another person. They honk their horn loudly and he curses angrily in a way I had never heard from my parents. The buildings and houses that fly by in the window suddenly become unfamiliar. I hadn’t been paying attention where we were going and now I had no idea as of my location.

“hey! Where are we going?” I asked.

“Huh? Oh I need to run home for just a minute before I drop you back off at the park. That’s where the rest of the toys are” He said quickly in a short tempered kind of way.

“I guess that makes sense.” Still feeling unsure I wished he would drive faster and just get this over with. I was going to run back home soon as I got back to the park.

We pulled into a nice looking house with some shrubbery. The windows all had blinds pulled down, so I couldn’t get a good look at the interior. He truns the vehicle off and gets out of the car and waltzes up to the door. Turning around as he flips through his key to unlock the big white front door he hollers back.

“Aren’t you coming? Don’t you want the figures?” I felt a slight doubtful twinge in my stomach but I obediently took off my seat belt and made my way to his side still clutching onto the figurine tightly.

“That a boy” he pats me on the head again and opens the door and walks inside. Its roomy. Lots of toys are spread about and it smelt like it had been cleaned with bleach or something. It was very strange. He had pictures of children everywhere. “Hey come on!” I hear him yell down the hall as he opens a door and appears to descend down some stairs. “their down here. Come on don’t be shy”

I walk hesitantly to the door and look down the long wooden staircase. It was dark downstairs. It was lit by a single dark yellowish light bulb.

“come on. Nothing to be afraid of.” He has that same creepy smile that he had before. I just notice that  I recognized the face now. It was a face of a monster. A hungry monster. Paralyzing fear rushes through my body like lighting but strangely I feel my feet moving me down the stairs slowly. My hands shook and I’m sure that the man could see it to. His expression continuously got more and more eager as I follow his orders like a zombie. At about the half-way point I felt the need to run. So I did. I immediately turned on my heels and bolted up the stairs. Though it was too little too late. I had reached the last step when I felt his grip around my ankle. It was over powering. He yanked hard and I screamed.

I felt myself go mid air for a moment as he jerked my foot. A wooden staircase quickly jumped up to meet my lip as I smashed hard on the corner and I felt the skin split and my mouth bleed. I spit out the tooth that had been loose for a while and then I was flipped over and dragged down the staircase. Every step slammed on my back and tore my shirt up and then the splintered wood scrapped my back cutting it.

Sobbing uncontrollably I look up at the man through blurred eyes. His hungry eyes meet mine and I knew that I wasn’t going to leave here the same way I came. I didn’t know yet what kind of hell I was going to be put through. But I knew it wasn’t something I would ever forget.

“By the way kid. I never introduced myself. I’m Todd. I think we’re gonna be good friends.” A hard smack comes across my face as he grabs my hair and drags me through the floor to the next room. 

Author's Note

enjoy..........or don't. up to you.