Mr. Repaer Mirg

"Hello and welcome. My name is Mr. Mirg. I will be your tour guide today. Just stay in line and follow me. You really don't want to get lost down here."

Every day's the same. My boss, the Grim Reaper, reaps his souls and I shuttle them down to Hell. It's not a bad job, not really. Some days are fairly easy. Those lost souls know why they are here. Other days are not so good. Some don't have a clue what they've done to deserve this. Those are the ones that give me a good chuckle. Silly soulless a******s, the lot of 'em!

Today's lot are confused. Lots of questions. Lots of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Do they honestly think little ole me will have sympathy for them? Just wait until they meet the Big Guy. Oh boy what a joyful moment that always is!

"Come, come. This way. Watch the coal pit. You don't want to fall in there. At least not yet!"

The pit simmers. Black and molten. Gurgles and splatters. One soulless being gets hit and screams out. He stumbles. Waves his hands frantically in the air. Tries to regain his balance. Loses and falls into the pit. His screams echo throughout the caverns.

I whistle as I lead them along the winding path. Breathe in the sweet smell of sulfur. My mind focuses only on my job.

"Mr. Mirg!"

I turn around and face the lot. "What the hell do you want?"

"Someone has fallen off the cliff!"

"Not to worry," I say, laughing. "He's gotten his just desserts!"

I continue on along the twisting path. Relish in the leaping flames all around me. Feast off of the bellowing echos of shrills and screams.

"Mr. Mirg!"

Damn these soulless! I turn again and face a wilting female.

"What?!"

She's panicked. I can see it all over her face. Her eyes are bloodshot. Snot is falling from her nose. The poor dear has really been raining the tears.

"I think there's been a mistake. I don't belong here!"

I shake my head. "That's what you all say! My boss makes no mistakes!"

"I was a nun. I helped the poor. I sacrificed my entire life to serve others!"

Sighing, I take out my little red book and turn a few pages. "Sister Mary Elise, it says right here that you lusted after Father Barnes. You sipped the Sacrament wine often. Oh, and then there is this little tidbit. Before you became a nun, you murdered your mother!"

"But God forgave me!"

"Oh did he?" I laugh and turn around. Continue along the path. These soulless creatures always think they've been forgiven. My boss makes no mistakes!

I smile as I see the Big Guy's chambers just ahead. "We are here!"

I knock upon the door and wait. Two large doors slowly open. Flames leap out and cover me. I sigh blissfully. Feel a surge of energy. I live for this moment.

"File in one at a time. No pushing or shoving!"

I step aside and usher in the lot of quivering soulless beings. Their fear feeds me. This is the best job ever!

Once we are all inside, the large doors slam shut. There's no escaping their fate now! The soulless beings shake, shiver, weep, beg and plead. I walk along the bridge towards the Big Guy's throne. Towers of razor-sharp stalactites and stalagmites welcome me. He sits there, majestic. His fiery eyes pierce my own. His enormous blood-red frame embodies the entire cavern. His horns glisten in the fire-light. He is a sight to behold! I bow before him.

"We have arrived, my Lord!"

©February 2016 Lori Carlson. All rights reserved.