A Walk

I walked back alone in the cold darkness of this place.

I sat for a bit in that brightly lit room, searching for anything that I could say to you.

The look on your face was one I've seen before. It was annoyance, I've become a pest to you, a splinter in your side.

Does it make it more terrible that I was actually glad to see you?

That I recognized the way you put up your hair, and that was why I walked in?

As I walked back, I felt something that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Grief, the truest sense of sadness. It grew stronger with every step that I took down that lonely sidewalk, and I

counted every time I looked back.

What is so wrong about wanting someone to care for me as I care for them?

If it were me, sitting there with a face full of stress, brought on by the constant struggles of my life combined

with the dramatic, idiotic jealousies of a privately self-conscious significant, I would not make you walk alone.

If it were me, I would have raced out of that damned room. I would have caught up to you, because I know that

regardless of emotion, of situations, of annoyance and not wanting to speak, that lonely walk would kill you a bit.

I know, because it killed me a bit.

It's not a cataclysmic pain.

But it's not favorable.

It was as if gravity decided to put an extra weight on my shoulders and head.

It was as if the sidewalk was going to swallow me, and I would never make it back to my bed.

I could not help but think.

There wasn't anything to say. I tried to hug you, and you pushed me away.

My feelings do not matter to you right now, and I guess that's okay.

It just really added onto the bite of hurt feelings, especially when you asked me to leave you alone.

I walked alone in the cold darkness of this place. I walked with a shame and sorrow that I hadn't experienced yet.

I teared, I drooped, and I wished for a rewind.

I walked alone, and I hope you see this, because on that cold, lonely walk I found something new.

It was the first time in my life I thought about ending my life.

And you let me walk alone