A Mental Cage

Everyone battles inner demons and voices. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're not.

“Thank you, bye.” A man tapped the disconnect button on his phone. A shaken breath escaped his lungs. His hands trembled as tears fell from his eyes.

“It’s your fault, you know.” A deep voice called out. It was more like a statement.

“There wasn’t anything I could do.” He replied softly.

“You walked out on him.” The voice continued.

“I didn’t!” He spun around to see the owner. No one else occupied the room.

“You know you did.” The voice continued. “You knew he was in bad shape and you still moved.”

“Shut up!” He spun again and threw a punch. He connected with the wall and made a hole.

“See, you’re acting violently. You know you fucked up. You could have rushed him to the hospital sooner.” The voice whispered into his ear.

“Stop it!” He grabbed his head. His hair pooled over his hands. “I told him he needed to go into a rest home.” He pulled his hair.

“You were his caretaker. He wanted you there more than anyone else.” The voice antagonized.

“I know! I was struggling to write!” The redhead screamed.

“You know what happens when you try to be selfish.” The voice snickered. “Something bad always happens. Just like when he went to prison.”

“I didn’t tell him to spoil me! I was just a kid!” He clenched his skull. “Get out of my head, Bishamon!”

“You can’t get rid of me. You’ve tried, tried, and tried again. Yet here I am. Lurking in every shadow, seeing everything you see.” Malice dripped with each word. “What can you do?”

“There’s a lot I can do. I can take my life.” The man countered. He slowly lifted his head from his hands.

“You won’t do it, you don’t have the guts.” Bishamon sneered.

“I may not be able to take my own life but that doesn’t mean I can’t fight you.” He grumbled.

“How? I’m inside you.” The voice chuckled.

The man rushed to the bathroom, he stared at his reflection. Red hair parted in the middle and reached his shoulders. Grayish-blue eyes with redness around them. “I’ll drag your a*s out.”

“Good luck with that, schmuck.” The voice began to laugh harder.

The redhead grabbed the mirror and started to shake it violently. The screws started to pull from the drywall until it fell on top of him. The mirror landed on the floor, the man disappeared.

�"�"-

“Where am I?” He called out. The room was filled with darkness.

“Your mind.” The voice called out.

“Why is it so dark?” He questioned again.

“Your mind is always dark, Moriz. Ever since you became a teenager.” Bishamon answered. His magenta eyes glowed in the darkroom.

“Then how do I constantly make jokes and laugh at everything?” Moriz questioned.

“It’s your coping mechanism.” Bishamon started. “You’re scared to express sadness so you cover it up with humor. Everyone has seen you be the comical friend, the one that makes their worries go away. That’s become your image to them so you try to hold that image.”

“How do you know all this?” He questioned.

“It’s simple,” He started. “I’m your subconsciousness. I’m your true-self. I’m you without any masks. I am what people are before they are told what to be and what not to be. When people experience things, their conscious mind forces them to act a certain way. However, I act according to what is natural.”

“What do you mean?” He questioned. “Can you turn the light on?”

Bishamon flipped a switch. He sat in a chair. Long black hair tied into a low ponytail. “Your initial reaction is natural. Someone hurts you? You get mad. Someone betrays you? You get mad. It’s what you do with that anger that makes a difference. You don’t go and bash someone’s head in, but it’s your survival instincts to protect yourself.” He took a sip of his water then cleared his throat. “Your anger shows someone crossed the line. Don’t express it with aggression, if someone did you wrong, tell them. If they disregard what you say, you cut them from your life. Just because you experience anger doesn’t mean you have to hold onto it. It shows what needs to be fixed in your life. Suppressing anger is unhealthy. Don’t let others continue to treat you poorly, it’ll make you just hate yourself and cause depression. Healthy anger can establish boundaries for people to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

“What about sadness? Depression? Grief?” Moriz inquired. “We’re always told those are bad.”

“Those emotions aren’t bad. They are just unpleasant so people assume they’re bad. Much like with anger, if they are expressed in a healthy manner, they can be helpful. Sadness, depression, and grief show you something has changed in your life.” Bishamon explained. “Stress, health, and hormones can be just as much of a factor as a traumatic event. You can move far away to better your life and you can be sad and depressed in the first few months because it’s unfamiliar.”

“Then how do you not let it affect you?” Moriz asked.

“The truth is, it’s always going to affect you. It’s what makes you human. But there are ways you can make it more manageable.” He took another drink. “Build a support system, people you can truly count on to be there. They have their own life so they can’t always be there but they will be sure to reach out. Not everyone will do it, but you don’t need everyone. Just a select few will do just fine. Those will be true friends.”

“But what if they’re busy? What can you do in-between that time? The alone time?” Moriz continued followed by a drink of water.

“Remind yourself that it’s only temporary. It’s going to hurt, for a long time. But it can’t rain all the time.” The dark-haired man answered. “Don’t pretend to be happy or that everything is okay. That causes the emotions to build up until they’re too much to bear. Once that happens, you’ll react in an unhealthy way.”

“And if someone tells you to shut up or ignores you?” The redhead scratched the back of his head.

Bishamon shrugged his shoulders. “Then they’re not someone to confide in. They obviously show no care. No decent person would do that to another. So don’t let it bother you and find people who will help you, and then you do the same for them in their time of need. You become a support system for each other. You don’t need a lot for it, a tree has only a few roots but gets all the nutrients it needs.”

Moriz stood in silence for a moment. His chest pounded hard as he thought about what was just told to him. The black-haired man finished his beverage. “Got any more questions?”

“Yeah. Why did you fill my head with ‘It’s your fault’ and ‘You walked out on him’? I did everything I could. I had no control over the infection.” Moriz stared at the man. The man who was once his inner demon, now his consultant.

“It was the only way to get you to enter your mind. Your habit would have forced you to laugh the pain away. Cover it up so no one would see the pain. That would have been unhealthy. You would have felt more alone than letting it out. No one would have seen the pain so they couldn’t help in your time of need.” Bishamon finished.

“Couldn’t you have done it another way?” His stare started to intense.

“There were other ways, but with the emotions rising inside, you wouldn’t have listened or fought back. What I said wasn’t the best way to do it but in rare cases, it’s effective. And by rare cases, it’s only towards yourself.” Bishamon corrected himself. “Don’t do it to another. Everyone and every situation must be handled differently, uniquely.”

“Thank you, Bishamon.” Moriz let out an exasperated breath. “I needed it.”

“Don’t mention it.” He flipped the light off.

“Alright, time to return to the real world.” The man flipped the light back on. The mirror hung on the wall. He stared at his reflection, red hair sprawled all over. Grayish-blue eyes stared back, redness surrounded them. “You can make it through this. It’s going to hurt, you’re strong and you have supportive friends. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.” He chanted to himself.

Moriz gave a curt nod and turned the light off before exiting the bathroom.

© 2/12/2020 InuShin

Author's Note

Any tips for improvement is greatly appreciated.