A dream state

Visual writing

Finally asleep around 4am,
after a night locked in my head,
I found myself walking placidly
down a weathered, drab,
and colorless street in a little town.
The town where I find myself
when figuring out the lessons
taught by my subconscious.
Dust bowl, Equilibrium.
Feeling compelled to trudge forth
as though on a leash.
The master at the other end?
My soul.
Like a moth to a flame
in an otherwise pitch black landscape,
I felt a magnetic draw
that I was unable to escape.
Anxiety. Heels dragging as though,
trying to delay the inevitable.
On a colorless street,
in a long forgotten ghost town,
I am on my way.
As the feeling of apprehension
again washes over me,
I know that I have a date with destiny.
Moisture hanging ominously
in the guise of fog, my vision blurred.
Corrupted.
With a weight hanging on my eyelids,
like bricks on strings,
I am barely able to see.
Through thick fog, and unwilling eyes,
a figure stood before me
as my stomach falls 15 stories.
Startled I freeze.
Against the dull, drab backdrop of my subconscious,
stood vibrant colors, radiated by an Angel.
Skin of purest virgin olive oil tone.
A physique described only as
"Sacred Feminine",
for anything less would be an insult.
Realizing through dream stuck,
weary eyes,
I made out the most tragically beautiful
vision of my soul mate.
With realization, I crumbled to the ground.
As my wife stood before me,
almond eyes of the
purest radiating browns,
I witnessed streams of pain pouring fluidly
from her eyes.
With her colorful aura aglow,
my soul cried forth
with rawest sorrow-felt emotion
an earth shattering roar.
"HOW CAN I SOOTH THE PAIN I INFLICTED?!?!"
My love,
(lips un-moving, in searing silence)
flowed forth a now river of emotion.
With every single drop of pain,
her soul screamed in agony,
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?! ALL I DID WAS LOVE YOU!!!"
And, with every sea of salty emotion
retained in each drop that descended her
perfectly sculpted face,
I felt the searing pain of my souls cry.
Our souls weeped in unison.
Slowly, with the grace of a thousand angels
ascending to the heavens,
her arm reached forth
and her finger extended,
uncovering the hole in her chest to her soul,
and making me realize mine.
As my eyes followed her extended digit,
for the first time in what seemed eternity,
her plump ruby lips parted and,
the most soulful symphony rang forth.
The most beautiful melody,
of my favorite song; my love's voice.
The bitter sweet I felt
as her melodies played,
my eyes saw with clarity
what she was pointing out.
"Our souls remain tied,
yet cannot remain
in our earthly bodies,
without our heart.
Fix that, which you shattered."
With extreme sense of urgency
and most intense emotion I've known,
I begin grabbing hand full,
after handful of most fragile,
angelic heart along with my
-heavy with guilt- pieces.
Soon there was a rushing river
of salty lament,
as my tears seeped as fluent as hers.
Waters flowing forth so,
washed away so many pieces
of precious heart,
and in frustration I screamed.
Intense anxiety and panic,
guilt and helplessness,
topped off with the most sincere yearning
to fix what I had so carelessly broken;
causing my liquid emotion
to fill this river bed to its banks
threatening a flood of anguish.
Trying frantically to fix
what I had broken,
I wore the deep red of blood
as my hands and knees leaked,
unbeknownst to me.
Head bowed in shame..
Eyes glazed with anguish,
I cried truest emotion
as my mission of fixing the heart I shattered,
and mine that I lost, felt hopeless.
Water rising..
2 souls crying..
Pieces of hearts floating away
with the last bit of my sanity,
and a feeling of utter disgust
with myself for hurting my love
and then failing at fixing it...
Utter helplessness.. then..
There was a silence.
There was a cease in the air.
The raging waters of an
unforgiving deluge subsided,
to usher in my confusion.
Then, I felt the most peaceful,
serene presence,
as I became enveloped in the
purest iridescent glow.
And through my hair in perfect timing,
my Angel, no longer crying,
ran her fingers through my confusion ravages hair...
Peace. Feeling the first true calm of my life,
I raise my head,
panning my eyes up to a flawless soul,
stopping at her chest.
Where the hole once was,
shone the most brilliant gold
and crystalline essence.
A warmth and radiance
warmed me.
It comforted me.
Peaceful and worry free
like a toddler tucked
deep within his mother's bosom,
warm and content,
none the wiser of the worlds hardships,
huddled safe
in the loving embrace of his mother.
Rising from my shredded knees,
now shedding healthy tears of love,
I -for shame-
Avoided eye contact
until the very last moment.
When our eyes met in a lovers gaze,
and she pulled me in,
I felt a new warmth.
Chest to chest,
deep within my queens embrace,
I felt her pure innocence
pour into me.
Filling a deep void with love.
And, as my lips met with hers,
a sudden burst erupted
with unrelenting force
from the very place we stood.
A burst of pure,
100 percent unadulterated,
unconditional,
pure soul mate love.
I sat up violently,
as I was shook awake in bed...
All by myself..
In tears.
In a longing for my queen.
In denial of the real problem.
Tying to convince myself
that I was in need of the
most severe punishment of losing my heart.
Punishment for unknown offenses.
Yet, on that subconscious level
I knew without knowing.
My wife..
My soul mate..
The only woman
I have ever really loved,
belonged deep in my arms.
And I?
Hers..

Intricate B