Ten Years From Now

You don't know what you do ta me

I don't think you ever did

 

You don't care how far I've fallen

As long as I catch you in the end

 

You don't want ta see me fighting

For all that I have gained

 

Because it takes me away from you

Does it make you feel ashamed?

 

You need someone ta need you

And I was always it

 

But my heart is sore from fighting

And mean is all I have ta give

 

You made me what I am today

A dark defensive wall

 

Because the love I had ta give to you

You took advantage of

 

Will it be this way 10 years from now?

Will I still feel the same?

 

Or will I finally be free of you?

Just a picture in a frame

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

Strong bulleted thoughts here. Well penned. It reminds me of a line from a Stevie Nicks bit "how will we feel a generation from now?" and here we are a generation from when that song was written.
There is a lyrical quality to this piece...perhaps that's why i was reminded of a song.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

another really good one...the idea that the woman speaker becoming strong and dedicated to a career is too much for the male to take..


he needs her world to revolve around him...that is so sad.

he will be a picture in a broken frame, smashed by her frustration.

jacob

[NightShade]

There certainly is a lyrical quality to this poem. The emotion that it conveys is one that I can relate to and that is why it works so very well, in my opinion. While many will experience this or similar feelings and even write about it, you managed to cut into something deep and allow it to retain it's poignancy.

[Dionysus Cain]

Well i guess you are the only person taht can answer your last question? It speaks very well, i like it!

[Tomás Ó C..]

All people be a picture in a frame in time... you will be able to choose your distance in time...

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Nice job. The rhymes were very smooth, and the piece screamed emotion and past experience. I could feel your pain. The ending was my favorite:
"Or will I finally be free of you? Just a picture in a frame." Visual.

[Pax Analog]

Picture in a frame, most likely. Not to be glib, but it is astonishing the changes one goes through, not only via so-termed ordinary life, but the accelerated effects of creative commitment, and the depth unfoldments of the enigmatic soul.

A highlight reel of high-energy exchanges in one's personal memory remains, stronger than a photo, true. But one no longer romanticizes the lack of psychological development that characterizes most intimacies, and ourselves, along the way. We're a half-baked species, and seldom arrive at even a plateau of integral passion and intelligence. That's a deep subject, best reserved for another time.

On its own honest terms, your poem is poignant, reminding us of the fragility of attachments, the fleetingness of biological youth, and the mystery of existence itself.

What society calls "normal," is dysfunctional, either in plain sight, or beneath the surface. Would that normality were Buddha-Mind, adamantine smiling, touching the earth w/mountainous transcendent bliss.

[the in between]

I like your style :) it's so relatable. Will it be this way 10 years from now?

"Will I still feel the same?

Or will I finally be free of you?

Just a picture in a frame"
favorite lines

[RonnanTristan]

This is good! the pouring of emotions. I can see hurting, the struggle to break free but yet there's a part of you that wanted to linger... I like this dawn!

[Angel's Lady]

Honey, she's already just a picture in frame, now burn the damn thing! Better yet, rise above like cream to the top. You picked her up, you saved her, and now she is nothing more than a pebble on the path behind you. Love ya, Dawnie - let go.