Page 2

Elle couldn’t help but smile. Mrs.? How could such a flighty woman be married? She thought. After Mrs. Roberts was done talking, she pointed to the board and advised the class to copy down the notes and work on the pages she had assigned. Elle nodded subconsciously. She opened the textbook and flipped to the pages. Her eyes scanned for a moment, and she looked up to make sure she was looking at the right page. Her eyes were filled with surprise. This is ridiculous. I learned this in fifth grade! Exhaling slowly, she grabbed her pencil and opened her notebook, beginning the assignment.

 

Halfway through the class, Elle was poked in the back with a needle. She sat there for a moment, wondering what sort of sick and twisted person would stab, what they thought was another human being, in the back with a needle. And it wasn’t just a prick; the person had broke the skin and went through about six other layers of skin. She sighed, trying to put out an angered and pained expression, but when she turned around, she was faced with the sickest and most twisted being on the Earth she had walked for so long; her half brother, Bryan. He smirked at her and shrugged his shoulders. I wonder who that was.

 

Although Elle couldn’t pick out any one thought when she was in the hallway, Bryan’s thought rang loud and clear in her head. Slightly thrown off guard by the magnitude of his thought, she turned around and ignored him with all her might, hoping he wouldn’t bother her anymore. She sat in her seat, staring forward, unsure of what to do. When she realized she needed to finish her assignment, she leaned forward and focused on her work. Only then did the bell, signaling the end of class, ring.

 

Exhaling, she rose from her seat and packed her things. As Bryan walked past her, he nudged her, nearly knocking her off balance. She glared after him, throwing her bag over her shoulder and walking out of the classroom after him. He turned once outside and laughed right in her face. “You can stay anywhere for very long, can you? You always come running back home, hoping to pick up where you left off. You cant have a normal life, Elle.” He said, inching closer to her face still. “We are not normal.” He said, a evil smirk on his face as he saw Elle’s twist with anger. He could tell he was already getting to her. Without a moment’s thought or notice, Elle swung her leg at Bryan, knocking his feet out from under him. The students around quickly huddled, egging the two on. Bryan laid on the ground, unmoving, groaning gently.

 

Elle spit on top of his head before walking away. F**k with me, will you.

 

Author's Note

J. Ghalden, I greatly appreciate your kind words and helpful corrections. You are, by far, the most helpful person I have come across on here. Your corrections are just what I have been looking for.

Reviews

[J. Ghalden]

F**k me with, will you-- Think you mean, F**k with me.
way to her to her next class -- delete one of the to her
Other than that, there wasn't very many mistakes in grammar and punctuation, so that's good. This page doesn't give much away, so I really don't have an opinion on it besides it's well written and clearly understandable. I'll have to read on to figure out the significance of some things mentioned here.
Well done either way :)

[InterijentoWrites]

Thanks Jamie! Yea, I havent decided how to break it up into chapters yet. Ive written 30 pages. And I just think its overwhelming to read a whole chapter. Cause people look at it and go, WHAAA? I dont have the mental capacity to read all that right now! Lol. I do agree, but Im going to leave it as is.

Im thinking Page 24, A New Beginning will be the next chapter, maybe. Im not sure, though.

Aha! Yeaaaa. They doooo. :(

I love your idea about the ending though!

[Jamie Raintree]

I'm a little confused about the way you're breaking up the text. Is this in pages instead of chapters? I had to go back to the last page to remind myself where I was and why we were starting out with "Mrs." so it might be better to break it up by chapter to make the breaks more natural.

There is a lot of great characterization in this chapter. We get to see her interaction with her half brother, which says a lot about both of them. I liked the end when she finally stood up for herself. Especially when he poked her with a needle! Do siblings do this to each other?! Lol!

His comment about "We are not normal" lays a ground of mystery, which is great! I would end this chapter with "will you" to give it more punch.