Forbidden "Love"

My heart is heavy but my words will show me the right path. I need to move on and let go, sometimes love is too unhealthy to hold on.

Making an enemy.

From someone you care about.

Is the worst feeling in the world.

I miss him.

In more ways than one.

Not as a lover but a friend.

Someone I used to hold onto.

But now our days are gone.

Withered away by our lines of friends and mistakes.

My ignorance and unforgiving heart

Locked away the only thing that helped me when times were rough.

Yes he wasn't the best of both worlds.

But he was there, and he loved a part of me.

But as the years passed, our strong love shriveled up by our lies and mistrust.

Creating grudges and sadness

As we tried to grip onto the last strings of the rope of what held us together.

Only to snap when I finally cut it through

The tension and anger causing him to snap as well.

From the despair that the only lover he knew betrayed him.

In a way that will never be forgiven.

Even if it was through alcohol.

The choice was made.

The path was turned.

And my journey went spiraling out of control,

And he did as well,

The moment he gripped my wrists tightly,

The moment I felt all too clear.

The moment that ripped me from my fantasy.

The moment he had torn it apart, a veil that was hanging above my head.

His rage consumed him, and it hurt me in more ways than one.

The physical blows were the weakest of what really hurt.

The way he looked at me,

The way he treated me as if I were scum.

The way he wanted to cast the same hurt I did to him.

Vengaence rose in his eyes and in his heart.

I was no longer there.

And it was time to leave.

I ran away as fast as I could,

But not until after I was sure he didn't love me.

The whole day I had tried to get him back.

But in return he gave me the worst day of my life.

The first important realization that my relationship was never perfect.

And I had been heading towards that road for a long time.

It had only been the beginning, the start of something horrible.

So I had to do the only thing I could do.

Not forgive him. Cut him off. Let him go.

The most painful decision I have ever experienced in my entire life.

There was no hope for me.

I was depressed, alone, afraid.

No one was beside me anymore.

I had snapped the final cord of the only thing I had cherished. 

But as the days passed by, the more I was able to push him back.

Only because of how he reacted to it.

Which only hurt me more.

The fact wasn't that he was truly sorry, not when he would respond in anger that I had betrayed him and that we should be able to forgive each other.

He had not seen what had truly happened.

He had opened the door to a physical abusive relationship.

The mental one had been open for a long time now.

And I was the one who decided whether or not to shut it.

His teasing remarks about my race, my stupidity, or whatever insult he had tossed at me from day one had burned into my skin.

My body was covered in thousands of invisible burns he had given me all over my body. The pain was unbearable, and my confidence had been shattered.

How do I get away from something like this?

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to face him.

My heart's still aching from it, no matter how hard I try to ignore it.

Reviews

[~]

Ohhh.. what a sadness throughout the verses. Finding your own path is not the easiest thing to do. Hang in there!

[Intangible Mind]

Thank you! I am proud to say that I am past the trouble and have moved on. It's better to let go than to try and fix an abusive relationship, something I wish everyone had the courage to do!

[Valentine]

Until you learn to straighten yourself up and love your own self, you will wander into another episode like this one. No man that hits a woman is worth a second thought. Valentine

[Intangible Mind]

I wrote this piece about a year ago, and finally had the courage to put it up. I'm happy to say I'm in a happier place, and haven't seen him since, thanks to the support of my family and friends that helped me along the way. (: Thank you for your review!