Addiction (ode to Uncle Denis)

This piece was inspired by a dear friend's poem. While writing I found myself remembering an uncle who passed away about a year ago, he was only 56. He couldn't stop.

That single white light,

a freight train on your track.

Moving at full throttle

and I can't pull it back.

 

 

Trying to get so lost,

and leave all that I lack

I rush toward your arms

with chaos at my back.

 

 

At full speed, my chaos runs.

Your light can't save me,

before destruction comes.

Why can't you see?

 

 

Sweet thrill, darkened laugh.

You are in my way.

No way to pull over.

Night's here, no more day.

 

 

Spicy smoke, clinking glass

Chaos riding me hard.

You have to move, please move

or I'll make you scarred.

 

 

Burning light, seering dark,

Chaos slices through.

My rules dissolve in whisky,

so complete and nothing new.

 

 

Don't stand in my way

with your heart in your eye.

Don't cry if my train

won't stop 'til I die.

 

 

At full speed, my chaos runs.

Your light can't save me,

before destruction comes.

Why can't you see?

 

 

Could you be that strong?

Keep me from my pain?

Can your heart eyes really stop

My destructive speeding train?

 

 

I ran from the familiar,

you can't help me out.

Chaos is my only friend,

til my blood spills out.

 

 

Clinking glass, spicy smoke

I laugh in dizzy breaths

You are so much more

I am so much less.

 

 

Another sip or maybe a gulp,

water on my glass clings.

What does it matter?

I listen as the ice sings.

 

  

Tearing me apart at the seams,

reduced to smoking foundation.

I revel in the darkness;

howl to the dark station.

 

 

At full speed, my chaos runs.

Your light can't save me,

before destruction comes.

Why can't you see?

 

 

Chaos has come...

Reviews

[Blue Ivory]

MARVELOUS! SPECTACULAR! I love this write! You have written it so nicely! This truly is a very beautiful insight on how an alcoholic or any other sort of addict feels when they are drowning their sorrows into harmful habits. I can see you have written this whole-heartedly. It really is sad how people are too weak to reject such terrible things. But at times like this one should always try one's best to turn to a friend. That is always a better option. If no one understands, then MAKE them. It's much better than killing yourself. I am sorry about your uncle. 56 is TOO young. I hope he finally has that peace he was looking for.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

The truth of the pain of those who love and attempt to save an addict or alcoholic. I am not sure which is more painful Mark, attempting to save an addict/alcoholic when you are not one yourself or attempting to save an addict/alcoholic when you are a recovering one yourself. "Your light can't save me, Why can't you see? I have to save myself...........Chaos has come and only I..... can set myself my free.........A tremendous piece.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Mark this had me in tears. I have been there so many times and would slide into that abyss again if I had not discovered my own personal resilience. Born of Robert The Bruce, King of Scotland!

[Mark]

Thank you John. Although I have addictive tendencies, they are food ones. I can drink and then never miss it for months when I'm driving (In the U.S. a professional driver can lose a license due to zero tolerance for alcohol). But I understand as much as anyone can what it is like. My ancestors fought for Irish kings, and both my uncle Denis and my grandfather could not control their drinking.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Mark you are a cultural phenomenon

[redflutterby]

Feeling this one deeply Mark...

[Mark]

*hugs* I'm sorry.

[Frieda P]

You know I felt this one to my very core, so sad, and nothing we do seems to make an impact, sometimes it's just too damn late and the chaos overcomes....very affecting Mark.

[Mark]

Thanks for reading. I'm glad to write something you relate to if even in not a happy way.

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and sad poem. Sorry for your lost. I could feel the deep thoughts and emotion in the poem. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. Good to write sadness upon a sheet of paper.
Coyote

[Amanda Patrick]

I think anyone who has had addiction in their family can relate to this. Great job

[Mockingbird]

i like the metaphor and imagery. addiction is like a runaway train. no one can slow it down or stop it. it's true that you should tell the people to get out of the way, because they'll only be hurt by your words and actions as a result of addiction. excellent poem.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

WOW!...You have this on full throttle!...Your imagery of this Train wreck~(Addiction), has never been so enthralling... I felt like I was on the train... full speed ahead!!... Nice work!