A Journey

I am moving toward the veil

always moving along

the road keeps me sane

Charting stars and running

Laughing at the rain

Loving you in vain

Family love

warm and familiar

separated by pain

What is fair?

What is there

to learn again?

I had my doubts

my moments of anger

doused by love's disdain

I will pass through

and find what I lost

but what will I have gained?

Author's Note

Image by Tearsoftheamaranth tearsoftheamaranth.deviantart.com

Reviews

[Mark]

I came here is response to Tammi Boehm's Author's note, and Man!, am I ever glad I did! This is so deceptively simple in its construction, you almost don't notice how profound it is. I've gone back and reread it twice more, and find new wisdom each time. (If you recollect, we passed in the night about a year ago when David Paget mistook you for me--I'm not in Texas any more, so that's unlikely to happen again!) Congratulations on a masterful syringeful of intracardiac philosophy!

[Mark]

Yes Mark I remember. Good to see you again and thanks so much for your high praise!

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

It sounds like you've been listening to Coast to Coast FM. I often tune in to the program myself.

Your poem is beautifully writ, and the last stanza asks the question that I'm sure we'd all like to have answered.

Great job!

[Mark]

Yes I was definitely inspired by that program... A pleasure meeting another listener. Thanks for reading

[TL Boehm]

that first verse is especially strong and just pulled me right into the rest of the poem. A very introspective write. Well done.

[Mark]

Thank you TL. I had been listening to late night radio. Someone who believes we choose our lives as a sort of experience and or lesson. Made me wonder what I could possibly learn that my higher self doesn't know.

[TL Boehm]

Sheesh. that thought - that we choose our lives as a sort of experience - ooh. My little banshee wants to pen something. I have spreadsheets to kill and RR's to do...

[Mark]

I hope your banshee keeps bugging you til you get it out! Let me know :)

[Mary]

Mark I love how this poem flows and has a rhythm like a gentle wind. As I read, I find myself taking that journey, the one that passes through the undefined veil, reviewing the events of my life, ending with a question mark. Well done, thanks for the journey.

[Mark]

Dear Mary, thank you so much for your review. :)

[Mockingbird]

there is a degree of cynicism and despair. great job.

[Mark]

there is? I suppose that is part of it... thank you for making me realize it. :)

[eglantine]

Good morning Mark! Sorry I've been so absent, but here I am. I hope you don't mind but I simply copied and pasted your poem here and revised it how I would. Please don't take offense to my suggestions/changes. Hope all is well!

I am moving
towards the veil,
along the road keeps me sane

Charting rain and running,
Laughing at the stars.

Family love is
warm and familiar
separated by pain (I'd add more concert images in this stanza)

I had my doubts
my moments of anger
doused by love's disdain



I will pass through
and find what I lost
but what will I have gained

I understand the emotive of this piece, but it's just quite vague in image.... I know how I'm supposed to feel but I don't understand why I should. Make me :)

[Mark]

thanks... It's a contemporary thing to shy away from rhyme isn't it? I've written two poems now trying to evoke, or perhaps delve into, the reader's own belief system. It's a difficult thing to do based on the lukewarm responses I've gotten but I will keep trying! Thanks for your comments, they are always much appreciated.

[Leslie Philibert]

Like the three line stanzas, and the tension transported by the content..

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A very mature and reflective piece recapping upon life thus far. A feel of optimism and hope yet regret at the past and disappointments. It is a poignant piece Mark.

[Mark]

Thank you for reading John. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Beautiful poem Mark. I like "the road keeps me sane line." Great job bro

[Mark]

Thanks much Mark :)

[AYVID N]

This is the most thought-provoking poem I read today. You say so much about life in so few words, it is beautiful. It reminded me of that verse in Bible in Ecclesiastes 2:1...

The last verse held most meaning for me...

"I will pass through

and find what I lost

but what will I have gained?"

Reading the lines, I wondered so much....

[Mark]

thank you very much Divya.