Halved

just another break up poem...

I can't say when the clouds came down

I only remember their sting;

wet and clinging.

I only know when you left me wanting

the feeling was alone in it's pure

monotone of ache.

I don't remember the rushed stars

winking from above,

pushing clouds at me.

I remember the longing

bones hurt and splintered

memories made dusty song.

I remember the flying,

where you and I

merged into end and beginning.

To slice apart what was

so long fused;

blood wasn't enough,

Death wasn't the worst,

Life wasn't the cost,

My soul, torn, puddled at your feet.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

So heartbreaking...I love the longing and the delicate and sublime way with which you cast about your thoughts. The last stanza:

Death wasn't the worst,
Life wasn't the cost,
My soul, torn, puddled at your feet.

--this really spoke to me in terms of a breaking heart. I can see and feel the pain and longing here. So tangible!

[Mark]

Thanks so much. I've had a lot of practice.

[Stella Armour]

heartbreaking indeed..what deep emotion must have promoted these words.. love this poem Mark

[Mark]

thank you Stella ;)

[AYVID N]

"To slice apart what was
so long fused;
blood wasn't enough," - What words could put it better?

"Death wasn't the worst,
Life wasn't the cost,
My soul, torn, puddled at your feet" - No words. You are a beautiful poet.

This is not just another break-up poem.
I stand up to applaud!

[Mark]

Thanks Diyva I'm warmed by all the praise. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Mark I rarely say this but I love this poem. It's a brilliantly worded piece of masculine heartache. Sting, rushed stars, bones hurt and splintered, blood wasn't enough and my favorite, the monotone of ache. All yang words describing the pain of the dark masculine soul. The yang feels and feels deeply, it doesn't look yin and because of that it often gets written off as moody or a*****e because of the way men hide it. That's an unfortunate side effect from the American rugged individual, real men drag there guts behind them mentality combined with the feminizing of accepted emotional behavior. IE I'm a male poet so I'm a sensitive artist who cries at chick flicks and would never use a woman just for sex because I'm so sensitive to women's needs. While I don't think that's a bad thing I don't think that describes you. I know it doesn't describe me. If you've ever heard the song "like a stone" by Audio slave it's a brilliant ode to masculine remorse as this poem is to masculine heart break. Outstanding work Mark. You're a credit to the WC.

[Mark]

Dude, I want have a beer with you some day. Thanks much for the thoughtful comments anf I'm gonna get that song.

[SyberRose]

A sad one Mark...but nicely penned capturing the feelings of a broken heart...Rose

[Rogue]

You've captured the depth of feeling here well. One most of us are very familiar with.

This is a beautiful piece in it's emotional impact. Very well done. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

We can feel like we are torn into half and left for dead. A strong and emotional ride in the poem. I like the ending.
"My soul, torn, puddled at your feet."
Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Leslie Philibert]

I really like the triplet stanza form,as it seems to me to be perfect to transport ( this might sound silly)
a block of thoughts or an impression. You use this quality very well here, especially in the `bones `verse
that I think is really good.An excellent poem !

[Mark]

Not silly at all sir. As always, thank you so much for your insightful commentary!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Mark, another deeply sad and reflective take on broken love. Well penned.

[Archangel Gabriel]

The sting of clouds Mark is an incredible metaphor for those feelings as parting rakes your flesh and tears at your thoughts. This has the sentiment of questions of regret, sadness, pain and empty reflection.