Chaos Rain

another Halloween fright

It started one night

when a full moon deigned

to erupt  pale light

and begin the chaos reign.

Men were taken by the score

women left behind to scream

their return through hell's door

brought back the evil's dream.

some who died did not decay

but ruled behind the laugh.

those that lived fell that day

shivering in the sun's draft.

Hell's gates opened wide

and spilled the insane

dead alive on the tide

a lovely chaos rain.

Hope turned inside

to burn our hearts

while we all cried

at the demons' arts.

alive is now dead

and the dead now rule.

hunger is our bread

thirst only a fool.

Laugh when they cry

replace love with pain

wishing to die

to be the chaos rain.

Demons tear us apart

to make us whole again

In the darkness we start

to feel the chaos rain.

In once lovers, now dead

we sense what was light

now hate we are fed

goodness our blight.

Author's Note

picture taken from http://english.haqobatil.com

Reviews

[Sid]

Amazing write...had a dark unsettling quality to it with a great flow.
Demons tear us apart
to make us whole again
In the darkness we start
to feel the chaos rain.
This is my favorite stanza. It almost feels like a fight with the demons that dwell inside all of us, startling and really unsettling imagery. I don't yet know what your other poems dwell on but this gave me chills. A perfectly dark poem with amazing imagery and a great flow. I love it!!

[Mark]

Thank you so much for reading and commenting. :)

[spiritwind]

Great lines to mull over: "Laugh when they cry
replace love with pain
wishing to die
to be the chaos rain."

"Demons tear us apart
to make us whole again"

Those lines will make me contemplate the nature and design of demons and man--very good job

[Mary]

Dreamlike, nightmarish quality throughout! This is very very visual, and well done.

[Kiari Sabon]

omg i love this
it had great feeland flow
a deep darkness shines through and a sence of madness
i loved every ounce of this
great work :}

[Mark]

Thanks so much Kiari :)

[Arun Paul Kapur]

I felt so emotion with it was that powerful, bravo. Excellent piece here.

[Arun Paul Kapur]

so much*

[Mark]

Thank you Arun :)

[Arun Paul Kapur]

If you could take some time to have a look at my work, I would appreciate it. Thank you :)

[Mark]

yes of course... getting side tracked this morning :)

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Wow, this is a dark and wild ride as you intended, I think. There are so many lines that stand out to me and make me stop and think about these times we find ourselves in.

"some who died did not decay
but ruled behind the laugh." This is really creepy, but I do think of what dark forces seem to rule behind the eyes of some people. There is a lack of empathy in some people...cruel they are...almost dead, yet alive as you describe.

"Hell's gates opened wide
and spilled the insane" These lines make me think of how much insanity is being spewed out today, like in 1984 some things just seem to be inverted and yet we are expected to believe what we sense and often know is "insane"...don't get me started - but you have!

"Laugh when they cry
replace love with pain" Ditto my point made earlier


"Demons tear us apart
to make us whole again
In the darkness we start
to feel the chaos rain" Now, this is my favorite stanza...being torn apart to be made whole again...perhaps we learn what to stand up for...stand against...who we truly are when presented with evil...

Obviously, your poem stirred me to thought. I did not intent to leave this long winded review, but in my mind it is a compliment to you. This was certainly different from your usual, and lovely, romantic themes...but you sure got my reaction! :)

[Mark]

Dear Claire, you give me so much more credit than I deserve but I'm glad to see my words have inspired you. I didn't intend them to be a metaphor for our current situation but I certainly agree with you about how things are inverted. I think the best thing to do is stay positive in our own lives and work to accomplish our dreams while it is still possible. :)

[Tai Ryens]

Yikes, a chilling tale indeed. Whether you intended for a fully-fledged battle between opposite tides of countries' armies or the warring of angels in your conscience; I cannot, possibly never will be able, to tell. Yet both ways are a clever concept to dwell on, and I could ponder upon the thought for weeks had I been given the chance.

[Mark]

I am glad it gave you something to ponder :)

[Mockingbird]

chilling imagery. 'demons tear us apart/to make us whole again...' i feel like it's the demons within myself with whom i battle with. and to overcome them is when i would feel whole again. great poem.

[chartinboy]

Wow Mark, this is a very impressive poem!

You paint a very dark, vivid picture, which still lives a great deal to the imagination, the best way go about it in my opinion!

My only issue is a very slight one, in Stanza 6 the fourth line "thirst only a fool" seems ever so slightly forced, seeming to exist only to rhyme with "and the dead now rule". Even so, it still flows well, so like I said, a very small issue in my opinion.

Overall very good, well done.