Disguised by Smiles

A Poem by Alecz

A poem about a person struggling with their inner-demon. Arguing back and forth, with the demon, they're trying to get this demon to stop.

Don't hold back, keep pushing forward.
Bring up your fists, and fight.
Push them away, pound them down.
Smile while you dance, you will be happy.

Are you joking? Just look at yourself!
It's all in the mirror, now.
Don't listen to them, listen to me!
You're nothing but sad, depressed, and unworthy.
Yes, put up your fists.
No, do not dance, do not fight.
Struggle with it, until you can't take it, anymore.

Leave me be! You're nothing but a demon beneath me.
You have no soul purpose in this time.
I will not struggle, for I will not fall.
You shout as though you are angry.
You cry as though you are sad.
Smile, some. It'll all get better.
Don't ever let anyone take this from you.

Beneath you?? I AM you!
You have no control, nor will you ever!
You're such a pathetic, stupid little human!
Do you not comprehend?
I will make my mark, I will end you.
For I am so, very, determined.
You will give up, eventually!
You are not strong enough to last.

Calm down, mister demon!
I am highly determined to fight you away.
Though you may be just a voice, you're nothing but evil.
Evil always dies, in my book!
For I will defeat the!
Mister demon, have you ever considered therapy?

Evil never dies!
Therapy? HA! I laugh in the face of a crazy human, calling me crazy!
They're nothing but brain washers!
I don't need anybody!
You? You need everybody!
That's what makes you so damn pathetic!
Geez, you're making a demon even want to vomit!

The lights are shining, now.
I can hear my name being called.
The gun is pressed, harshly, to my head.
Knowing if I pull the trigger, all of these painful memories will fall away.
Knowing that your voice will no longer haunt me.

Yes! Pull the trigger!
Pull the trigger, and I shall grant an eternity of salvation, of happiness!
I promise, I will-

No! These voices may be vulgar, but I must go on!
I will go on!
These voices may end, but I know I will be punished.
For God is not a worry.
For I will be punished with an eternity of voices.
Your promises mean nothing!
You're a demon, for I may never trust you.

No!! You need to end your pathetic self!
Nobody wants you!
Nobody needs you!
You're nothing!!!

I'm nothing?
If I am nothing, why are you present?
You say nobody wants me, nobody needs me, yet you're here!
You need me!
Without me, you'd be nothing but a voice.
Listen, do not listen to these voices!
Drop the gun, drop the razor.
For neither are your savior!
There are people, out there, who love me.
People out there who need me.
Do not listen to this demon, for he may be temporary!

Temporary? No! I am eternal!
Place the gun back to your head!
I want to hear the sound of your last tears, following a loud bang!
I am here to help you.
I am here to help you realize the truth!
Somewhere, someone's gun is laughing, and it's laughing at you!
Don't you see?
So many people will become happy, once you're gone.

Then let them!
Let them be miserable while I live!
For I will never give up.
People may not like me, but that is life.
If everyone loved me, there'd be lies, somewhere in the making.
Let that gun laugh, for I shall not respond!
Yes, I am depressed.
Yes, I am not happy.
But these are temporary emotions!
Someday, I will be happy!

No, you may never be happy!
For I will not let it happen.
Every night, you cry yourself to sleep, hoping for a savior.
Everyday, you hide yourself, believing demons are everywhere.
I make you miserable, for I will never disappear.
I will never disappear, unless you pull that god damned trigger!!!

If I end it now, how will I ever feel happy??
How will I ever know my future?
Everyday, I paint this stupid smile on my face, intending to fool everyone.
And it works.
I put it there to, one day, hope it would force me to be truly happy.
Do not quit.
It may be just the beginning.
Just disguise yourself with smiles.